Her voice sounded odd. As if her tongue were thick and made of rubber. Reminded me of Aunt Ester when she was on those psychotropics, after she tried to kill me. I couldn't hire this woman to take care of my child.
"We'll be in touch. Thank you for coming."
She knew. She stood, very slowly, glaring at me, not removing her eyes from mine even as she turned to grab her coat from her chair. She gathered all the stuff she had put out on the table - a lipstick, a marker, some hairpins, and a golf ball - her eyes never leaving mine.
My useless husband didn't notice a thing was wrong.
I stupidly glanced at the baseball bat standing in the corner just behind her. I was relieved when she finally took her focus off of me, but alarmed as her gaze settled on that bat. She took a step toward it.
I screamed. I don't know why I did it. The woman turned back to me, grabbed her coat, and scurried out the door, because those five minutes are very nearly up.
After she left, my husband said
"I thought that last one was good. She has a lot of experience."
This is my entry to @mariannewest's daily freewrite challenge. Today's prompt is her voice sounded odd.
Ohhh, this is dark, witty, diabolical, funny, and fun - did I mention DARK -
What critics say about bold young playwright Sheila Callaghan is true of you:
Our daughter's alma mater (a small college in the Midwest) is staging this play in April. I really ought to go see it.
This freewrite is full of sharp insights. Taut with suspense! Then, I almost imagine the noisily deflating balloon as the belligerant nanny wannabe picks up her coat (not the bat) and all the tension is defused.
But that's not all! Oh no!
The final kicker is that husband, Mr. Oblivious.
I thought that last one was good.
Well, of course you did, you dolt!
Every single line you write is quotable. This:
You really nail the delivery, deadpan, matter-of-fact.
And follow it up with another kicker:
I couldn't hire this woman to take care of my child.
The scream slays me, right after "my useless husband" slayed me.
HOW DO YOU PACK SO MUCH into so few words....!!!!!
I DON'T KNOW!
I freewrite. Then I go back and quickly proofread just for typos. I finally actually read it and I am almost always as surprised as you are when I finish reading. I touch it up after that without changing content at all, because if I start to tinker with it there is no "skillfull crafting" going on, they always get worse, muddied, contrived. So as much as possible I try to publish them exactly as they came out. Then I get to learn something.
I once interviewed a nanny with speech like that. For some reason (all my closest friends were shrinks in those days, no kidding 100%) I knew it was caused by psychotropic medications, and did not consider her. I saw that woman as I wrote this. Otherwise, all pur imagination. Well, except for the useless husband.
This is so true of me when I try to paint anything (esp. cats on wood slices):
I love the real-life elements you pull in and weave into the tapestry.
Somehow, you get it all right the first time! Only little tweaks - no major reconstruction.
I haven't got the energy to work hard on a story right now, or the interest. I used to enter contests that require more work, and I could take pleasure in them, but now it just taxes my mind too much. I don't want to think hard.
Very witty! Men!
Right? Why are they so clueless much of the time? And we get called ditsy!
It feels that she was horrific lady that terrified you. Well written prompt dear. I'm also going to write in the freewrites community from tomorrow.
Thank you! I'll try to remember to check out your post.
Lovely! 💕 A message in a storyline well presented.
Brava! Thanks for sharing 🙏
Thank you!