David Goon is a dick.
These are the words that resound in Nathan Parker’s head as he paces the jail cell that he finds himself in.
Apparently, it’s illegal for Nathan to get drunk and vandalize someone’s car.
Every once in awhile, Nathan walks over to the bars of the cell to where a guard is standing nearby.
Nathan Parker: It was Cheez’s car so it’s all good. It’s a wrestling angle so no real laws were broken. Lemme out! He can’t press charges if it’s in the course of a wrestling story!
The guard walks over to the bars and smacks Nathan’s hand with the nightstick.
Guard: First off, even in a “wrestling story”, doing what you did was illegal. Second, that wasn’t Cheez’s car. It was a fan’s car and he IS pressing charges. Also, you are not allowed to drink.
Nathan Parker: I was attacked and forced to drink? They then smashed my face into the windows of that car? You think I would brea-
Guard: I’m going to stop you right there. We have cameras that saw what you did.
Nathan is silent for awhile before he finally utters a response to the fact that they have video proof of his wrong doings.
Nathan Parker: Oh.
The guard walks away and Nathan resumes his pacing.
Nathan Parker: Now that I’m facing some trumped up charges I don’t even fucking know if I will be able to attend my match with David Goon…the dick. I swear to fucking god the man couldn’t defeat me by himself if he fucking tried. You know that’s how he won the Southern States title from me in the first place. Right?
Nathan looks around, but he has no cellmate currently and the guard isn’t listening. Nathan just shrugs and keeps talking.
Nathan Parker: If I were allowed to wrestle, I would be kicking Goon’s ass. Fuck, I would kick both Goons’ asses. David and whatever the fuck the other one’s name is. Ricardo or some shit.
Guard: Quit yelling about how you’re going to fuck David Goon!
Nathan walks over and grabs the bars for the door and sneers at the guard.
Nathan Parker: You can’t pay me enough to get my dick near Goon’s asshole!
Guard: Then quit wishing he’d fuck you!
Nathan Parker: I like women, you asshole! And. And! I’m not a fucking pervert!
Guard: Shut the fuck up!
Nathan begins pacing again with a curse under his breath.
Nathan Parker: I’m going to get the fuck out of here and I am going to kick David Goon’s ass all over that ring. This, I promise you, mother fucker.
Nathan looks off into the darkest corner of the jail cell and frowns.
Nathan Parker: No, fuck you very much. I can win the match. I should have won that match against Cheez. Fuck that guy. So, I fucking had some ring rust. That appears to have been broken in the ring there. I’m going to go full tilt against David Goon and take him down!
Yeah, there’s nothing in the corner as it’s only slightly shadowed.
Nathan Parker: You just stay sitting down or I’ll fuck you up too.
Guard: What’d you say to me?
The guard practically runs to the door and opens it up with his nightstick in hand.
Guard: You ain’t gonna talk to me like that, buddy.
Nathan points to the corner with wide eyes.
Nathan Parker: I’m talking to him, thank you very much.
The guard frowns as he looks into the corner and sees that no one is there.
Guard: Oh yeah. They diid say you were off your fucking rocker crazy. Look. They tell me that you’ll be out soon. Someone is coming to pay your bond so you can wrestle in that match.
Nathan looks hopeful and even smiles.
Nathan Parker: So, this whole thing is just going to blow over?
The guard nearly doubles over in his laughter.
Guard: Fuck no. You get this one match and then you go to court. You broke parole and vandalized some dude’s car. You are looking at jail time at worst, more rehab at best.
Nathan Parker: Fuck me.
Guard: No.
Nathan Parker: I didn’t mean…whatever.
The guard leaves the cell, locking it up behind him. Nathan walks over and sits on his cot with a deep sigh.
Nathan Parker: David Goon is a dick…
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