Photo : Angela_Yuriko_Smith, Pixabay.
Oh follow the stars to your destiny
As they lead you to new and wonderful worlds
If only you could see what lay ahead
For it’s a journey that will take you far
And when it ends, there’s nothing left but happiness
So follow the stars and be sure to reach your goal!
The journey starts with a dream
Then follows a path that you never knew
As the universe opens up to you
And new opportunities appear every day
So put your trust in the stars and be sure to reach your goals!
So follow the stars to your destiny
And find out what lies beyond
For it’s a journey that will take you far
And when it ends, there’s nothing left but happiness
So be sure to reach your destination!
So follow the stars to your destiny
And find out what lies beyond
For it’s a journey that will take you far
And when it ends, there’s nothing left but happiness
So be sure to reach your destination!
a nice positive poem with strong, thematic, imagery.
I wonder if you have considered making the opening 5 lines, so that the stanzas match in length (line 5 would be my suggested cut), and also a tweak to the opening line in stanza two so you have the repetition carried through all 4 opening lines.
tweaking the 1st & 4th lines of stanzas 3 & 4 so they aren't identical would also keep the feel of the whole poem moving in the same direction - or making stanzas 1 & 2 have a similar opening and closing line.
anyway, just a few suggestions. good work
I try to stay some what free verse but these are excellent suggestions.
If there hadn't been the repetitions there already I wouldn't have suggested adding them in.
The bones of structure are already right there, you might find the exercise an interesting one to potter with.
We will follow the stars of life, that is, @portsundries. We'll get to our destination,
the stars, and, also, you too the star..
The rewards earned on this comment will go directly to the people( @portsundries ) sharing the post on Twitter as long as they are registered with @poshtoken. Sign up at https://hiveposh.com.
Congratulations @portsundries! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain And have been rewarded with New badge(s)
Your next target is to reach 18000 upvotes.
You can view your badges on your board and compare yourself to others in the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPCheck out our last posts:
Support the HiveBuzz project. Vote for our proposal!