Lately, I have been struggling to find words to write or even a topic to focus on. My mind has gone blank, and I really am not sure what I want to say or share. Many times, I feel that people are too caught up in their own lives to care genuinely, or maybe I am just confused about it all. It's just that nothing is going on in my life, whereas, in fact, I do have a lot going on and find myself in one overwhelming situation after another.
I shared with my therapist my thoughts, and she reassured me that the confusion was normal. Feeling confused often is a normal way of processing traumas. She just reminded me that normal people experience emotions; it's perfectly fine to feel this way. The silver lining is that, again, I started to think and reflect; sometimes it brings sadness when looking at the years gone by. There is a part of me that constantly fights, just to remain strong and cling to some sense of normalcy.
Lately, I have gotten a lot of criticism; most of them aren't helpful in their ways, let alone constructive. Most of it does relate to my health, more specifically my mental health. Certain people think I am exaggerating or that it is not a serious problem with mental health. They say everything happens in the head, and if something in my life is going wrong, then I am weak. That hurts, especially when such words come from family, relatives, or friends. It doesn't bother me with outsiders, but if that criticism comes from close ones, then it really stings.
I have also noticed that even if I go to the extent of simply updating my travel plans on social media, people make various assumptions about my life. It is like no matter what I do, judgment is always around. While I wouldn't let the opinions of strangers weigh me down, it's hard to brush them off in case it comes from people dear to me. Sometimes, I even wonder whether I have made more enemies than friends in life.
Currently, the biggest fear that keeps haunting me is connected with safety: though I don't disclose much about myself, still I am always apprehensive about privacy and security. Sometimes those thoughts sound illogical and unreasonable to me, yet I think some sort of experience shaped my attitude in such a way. On the bright side, I have begun to work on the greenhouse project, and so far, so good. That is a good thing because, for some time, I just felt I had lost my creative thinking. I still have difficulties focusing on something for a long period of time, but at least I do something useful. There was one time when I could really feel that I was not capable of anything, but that has started to change. I feel slight improvements in my tolerance and patience. Small positive moments started to appear in my life, and they made me really happy. It is these slow but sure changes that allow me to regain confidence in my own abilities and in the capability of moving on.
I go out, I do activities, and stay active. I was in Amsterdam last weekend, and it was great. For me, going to Amsterdam is not such a big deal since I live in a city close to Amsterdam. Funny fact is I don't go to the tourist areas. I don't visit the attractions, but I like taking walks along the canals. Walking down the street back here by the water is just so nice; something so simple, just so nice and pure joy.
This weekend, we did have some work we needed to be doing in Amsterdam, but we finished the work early and then basically just walked out and sat by the canals away from the touristy crowds. I feel like I have started to notice changes that are good in myself. I start to feel more relaxed, and content, no longer overwhelmed by the crowds. A nice shift is that being in unfamiliar places no longer makes me feel judged or out of place. It's a peaceful kind of joy, coming with just being there. I ended up my day eating delicious food at a restaurant.
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Things started moving slowly in life, the process is long but I think I am on my way towards a healing journey. I am no longer scared of my existence, I can reflect and I can stay stable. My therapist said that I made a tremendous improvement so far and I have a very strong mindset. My complex traumas are fading away gradually. Depression is still there but it can be cured. She assured me that I have a chance of full recovery. Even I notice those progress. I have started to feel the improvements for myself. Though the journey was not easy, I gradually began to have a sense of hope that I had not had in such a long period of time. Even the tiniest shifts in my perspective, emotions, and reactions remind me that I am healing even though the process feels slow. It's a process, but I can feel that I am headed in the right direction. I can do well, I can be well.
My battle with myself is a story in itself, I hope the story will end nicely in the future...
Love
Priyan...
I am @priyanarc.... An architect, a dreamer, and a passionate writer who loves to write about life. I try to present my own perspective and experiences. Please leave your feedback and criticism because it's the only way I can know and reach your mind and thoughts easily...
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There's an old saying, 'what others think of me is none of my business'. People will always be judgey; it's just human nature but the important thing to remember is that they don't know your full story. They make assumptions which isn't always accurate and makes them feel better about themselves. It's much easier to criticise someone than to see their own faults.
Remember, you are the only one who truly knows your own story and your own struggles. So don't waste your precious time worrying about the opinions of others.
What is this greenhouse project you mention? It sounds intriguing.
I agree and I try to keep myself positive thinking about this always but sometimes all the negative thoughts come around. I guess I am too emotional and because of childhood issues, I cannot handle judgemental things properly...
I will...
I have been working on a large community plant nursery project in Columbia for an ethnic community. So, there we are also constructing a climate-considered greenhouse for plants along with regular plant nursery construction. My work is handling/desiging the whole masterplan of the area along with construction...
That sounds really good. I'm pleased you have got a project to get involved in. I think it's the best thing that you can do.
To have no idea what to write, you got a long publication. Of course it's all in your mind, that's what it means to have a mental health problem. Whoever judges or criticises you has no idea what happens to you. I know what it hurts when that comes from the closest ones. But, believe me, they don't deserve a single one of your tears.
I remember my first contacts with you, in your first posts where you talked about all this that happened to you. Look how far you've come! You have come a long way, with effort and pain. But here you are, slowly recovering your life.
You know how to find me if you need to talk or a shoulder to lean on. Continue as you're doing, you'll be fine. A big hug. ❤️
I always try to be strong and try to ignore such criticism but at some point, judgment breaks me and I fall apart. As a result, demotivation occurs with depression and I automatically lose self-confidence because of overthinking...
I find it very strange how my thinking process and brain work, in a very unique way...
Yes, I reflect and think about that often and how it started, today I had a scoring evaluation and the result showed progress. I started with 13/100 and now the score is 70/100 which is a tremendous result. I feel proud about it...
Thank you for being such a generous friend, I really appreciate and adore our discussion...
I know...
Have you tried meditation, of any kind? Just sit down for five minutes and keep your attention focused on your breathing. Doing this day by day will help to calm the overthinking. It has scientific evidence and my own experience. 😘
THIS! This hurts a lot and I know this fist hand. These feeling are normal.
HUGE HUGS!
Hello @snook, it's good to see you after a long time, I hope you are doing well.
Yes unfortunately it feels painful and because I live far away from my homeland, such judgemental words always make me upset and I feel so much stress. As a result, panic attack happens often...
I wish you a wonderful weekend and thank you for checking on me... I really appreciate it...
Thank you, long time, I hope you are well...
We appreciate you taking the time, to either use #ThoughtfulDailyPost, or otherwise help this Community grow. So...
Thank you!!
Amsterdam, such an amazing place!
Yes, it's a nice city for traveling, so much to do there...
@priyanarc
Love, all of us....
Wes...
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Thank you Wes for always reminding me of such positive work. I often forget about the love and support and when my mind is filled with negativity, these positive thoughts never come around. I will check the weekly prompts and will try to participate...
Happy weekend my friend...
@priyanarc...
Here you go...
https://peakd.com/hive-109288/@thoughtfulposts/thoughtful-thursday-prompt-14-inspired-by-the-inner-blocks-community
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