Yes, I am unknowingly and unintentionally following the same coping mechanism because that's how I used to do in the past, consume everything alone and move on. Right now, it doesn't work anymore and the same process is affecting my psychology as well. The healing process was the goal but I couldn't achieve it because there is a lot that needs to heal over time. It is now visible that I never healed from my past traumas, I just completely ignored it and moved on. Scar stayed and now wounds are opened once again. For healing, I have having new treatment plan but still a long way. It feels like I am not ready to heal or my mind is actually not accepting any healing treatment because it wants to grieve and vent first.
Basically, recognizing what behaviors were developed when shit was first fucked up for you, seeing how you were wronged and developing self-compassion around that, then moving forward one step at a time with more self-love and understanding while identifying more shit that needs to be healed.
Unfortunately yes and still my problems are unknown because I am not very open or ready to talk about the past. It's uncomfortable.
I heard also about a technique called brain spotting that uses eye movements but doesn't require recalling the traumatic experience.
Yes but these things won't work because I first need exposure therapy. They are still suggesting trauma therapy but I am not confident about it.
Also, I'm here if you need someone to reach out to. I know how painful it feels to question one's own existence. And I like you a lot better alive than not.
I know and I will reach you out.
Sorry about my delayed reply, I was being un-hivey for a minute.
So much to take on to heal, I hear you. I believe in you, though. Sending love.