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Life, God, they always give us test to make us better, sometimes it is hard but never impossible.
Who you are becoming now may be the inspiration for many in the future, never give up

I feel like God is punishing me but also I believe it is God who will save me from this misery as well...

I can understand that feeling too, sometimes we can think what we live is a punishment or a course, but something I have learned is there is always someone with harder life than mine. I know it's not so good to compare, but when I feel stuck in life and I compare my "bad life" with other´s, always I have chosen to keep my bad life. I don´t mean your is easy and happy,, but we are still alive, and we can make a difference, we can teach others what NOT to do or how they can be better without go throught our experiences.
Hhow do I know that? Because your post here, and other´s, about Ukrania war have helped me to boost my life, to include in my lectures this non-sense war, to teach myself and others about how life can change in one day wiyhout warning and we must be aware of that, you have been inspiration and example for us. Maybe you don´t know but people like me , in the other side of the World is reading your posts, your experiences and you are changing lives, always I have chosen to keep my bad life. I don´t mean your is easy and happy, but we are still alive, and we can make a difference, we can teach others what NOT to do or how they can be better without going through our experiences.
How do I know that? Because your post here, and other´s, about Ukrania war has helped me to boost my life, to o include in my lectures this non-sense war, to teach myself and others about how life can change in one day without warning and we must be aware of that, you have been an inspiration and example for us. Maybe you don´t know, but people like me, on the other side of the World is reading your posts, your experiences and you are changing lives.