Thank you for the courage of sharing such private thoughts and condition with the community. I only can say to you that luckily I haven't been thorough the harsh situations that you have... But about some of the thoughts and present day difficulties I might say that I came crosse them once in a wile. Someday I have to find professional help, but I didn't found out that it was demanding, since I could cop with them till now. I wish you can find a firm and solid path of return to your safe and normal life stile. Till there I wish you all the strength to achieve it.
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This is the case in the Netherlands as well, with long waiting lists and hard-to-find help if family doctors consider the case minor. I wrote about my mental health condition thinking someone might find it useful. It's not easy to write about mental health as many people still consider this issue taboo. Some say there is nothing called a mental problem...
Thank you for reading my post... Have a good week...