Thank you @alessandrawhite I am glad we checked up on eachother. I don't think I would have made it to the other side of the day if not for knowing I was not alone in what I was feeling. I have seen a lot of things in my life that nobody ever should, but today shook me to the core more than I have ever been shook before. I think it has lit a spark in me. I want to do whatever I can to let people know they are never alone. I know how soul destroying and humiliating it can be to feel like we have nobody.
I will do whatever I can to spread kindness again, I will try to dust myself off and be stronger. I think todays vulgar and disgusting shock hit at my core, I suddenly was in a place I thought I would never be again, it was not a happy place, it would have surely done lasting damage had I not had you, @bitterirony and @shadowspub to lean on a little, but I went through the worst of it feeling I had nobody.
I know that is not true, it is the brain saying we have nobody, sometimes we don't, or it's too painful, or people are not available, sometimes we are alone, and being alone for even a few seconds could mean the difference between life and death for somebody.
Make no mistakes about that, I know you care deeply about people as I do, and that this really is something that needs to be brought into the light.
Sometimes people struggle, trauma, life, baggage, any number of things can deeply affect someone, these things may have laid dormant for years, but one day something may trigger something. It doesn't matter what that trigger is. An image, a sound, a scent or cologne, a place, anything can trigger someone who has experienced trauma and has PTSD.
I am telling whoever might be reading this, please do not ever feel alone. I am here as much as I can be, I have social media and email. Know that there are helplines available. There is NO SHAME in needing help, NO SHAME needing to talk to someone.
YOU MATTER and the world needs you, whoever you are, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.
Please never be ashamed of needing help. You know reaching out to someone is one of the bravest things you can ever do, AND, if someone ever reaches out to you, it is one of the most privileged positions you could be in. That person is trusting herself to you, will you be there for someone, even if you think you can, please share the 988 number, or the global link with them, if that is the most that you can manage, you may save a life.
God bless everyone, and I apologize for the rambling comment. This stuff is important, thousands die every year because they feel alone. We all need to realize mental health is NOT a weakness. Today has been one for the books. God Bless you if you are reading this. YOU MATER!