As a biological process, our emotions kick in first and our slower logical mind can be over run before it has the chance to think things though. A biological process that would have saved us many times as a primitive human in the jungle.
It doesn't always work so well when in the office, on social media etc. I agree, we need to slow down and think a little first.
I had an incident once where my neighbour was racist towards my wife. My emotions took over and I did things and said things that I later reflected on - That wasn't me.
It takes a lot to train those biological emotional responses out of a person. Think martial arts training, military, first-responder and law enforcement, even in the office or workplace. We cant simply act as our instincts suggest in all cases. Sometimes those responses are just not relevant, productive or appropriate. And yes, we often feel ashamed, embarrassed or like we have let ourselves down when it happens.
I've been in situations where a combination of both logic and instinct has saved the day, or at least made it better than it could otherwise have been, and I'm thankful for the training I had ahead if time.
I wonder, how did you deal with your actions in the case you mention, both internally and with the other individual(s).
I have had to train myself in the way I deal with customers. I quite often get called in when problems with our client projects have been escalated. I am faceed with irate people but need to take the crap without allowing an emotional response. It has taken me years to finesse as a skill.
With regards to my incident, I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, I feel it wasn't aligned to the behaviours and values that I hold dear. I therefore feel I lost my integrity in that instance.
On the other hand, after a few previous occasions of racist comments and actions, they backed off. They kept out of my way and never said anything again to my wife.
That superficially feels like a result and I was happy with that outcome. However, I didn't actually help to change their underlying discriminative ethos. Behind closed doors, they were probably even more racist than before perhaps using my actions to justify their beliefs.
Wisdom indeed comes with age and experience.
I'm glad to hear that situation worked out as well as possible.
Just on the last comment you made about wisdom.
You're right although, wisdom doesn't always come with age and experience, there's plenty of people who have both and yet no wisdom. A person needs to want to bring it on board, it doesn't just happen.