Oblivion doesn't sound bad.
I agree. I would much prefer non existence than eternal paradise/ hell. Even reincarnation would be preferable. Sure being tortured for eternity seems like no fun. But for me paradise sounds not better at all. praising and worshiping god for ever seems boring. I don't do that now so why would I want to do that eternity? That makes no sense to me. And if after death I would change to enjoy that I would no longer be myself....
ok that is enough ranting for now.
I hope that your health will get better and you will still live for many years.
Especially a god as vain that it expects love without proof of existence and so cruel it would punish those who don't believe.