Now I am waiting at the hospital instead, as the test came back that I should check into emergency straight away for some more tests.
it'll be fine.
I didn't really get to say goodbye to Smallsteps properly, just a quick hug and a "love you". Though not sure if it will ever be enough of a goodbye, if it were to be the last.
She was upset because we were just about to start playing a game together.
While if something were to happen I would have the fade to black end, what is hard prior is thinking about how she would be affected by it, and not being there to help her deal with it. Millions of kids have had a similar experience and survived, but that doesn't make it easier to accept.
The Last.
Last hug.
Last laugh.
Last kiss.
Last word.
Last memory.
What will Smallsteps' last memory of me be? I don't think it will be one of those profound, life affirming ones that will make everything better. Likely, it will be something mundane, useless. But she might still cherish it and add weight and importance to it that it doesn't deserve. Connect meaning to it, just because it was the last memory committed, not because it was the most valuable experienced.
Is there such a thing as the perfect ending?
Closure. Perhaps it would be better to be able to have complete closure, move on in life as of the past never existed, including the people of the past. No matter how important they were at some time, maybe it is better to fully let go and no longer have the memory influence the future.
We would lose something in this, but perhaps that loss will be more than offset by the gain of not having to suffer the negatives of dealing poorly with the loss of those we once loved. We could remove the cognitive and emotional load, freeing up space for better things.
The thought of being forgotten once gone makes me uncomfortable, but at that point, what will it matter to me? If it would be better for Smallsteps to forget me, that is the outcome I would want for her as a parent.
However, perhaps our memories and the poor way we handle things like grief, is part of our evolutionary process that ends up making us stronger as a species. We each get punished so that future people can be punished in new ways.
We are not sinners, we are victims of circumstance.
We have so little control over our environment and experiences, that blaming us for our poor outcomes is ridiculous. This doesn't mean we can't affect our outcomes, but it is very much hit and miss, and it is influenced by those random experiences of our past too, meaning that if we missed out on a particular lesson somewhere, we don't have the tools to deal with a particular problem sometime down the track.
Primed for failure.
But even as we fail, others can learn from our mistakes.... lucky them.
Perhaps failure is the guiding force of human evolution, where "Survival of the fittest" isnt about being strong, it is about being able to learn from the failures of others in order to survive. Obviously, if we don't learn, we are destined to repeat the mistakes of the past and if we do this for long enough, eventually we will fail straight into oblivion as a species.
Oblivion doesn't sound bad.
Do the dinosaurs miss existence?
Eventually, we are all going to be forgotten, no matter what we do or how much impact we have on the world, or those upon it. We could be the best of humanity or ots worst, and still, at some point, none of it will matter at all either way.
is that sad, or is it a blessing?
Maybe it is our ability to forget that gives us a chance to forgive, or a chance not to have to live with the pain of disliking people we never met and never did anything directly against us. Why would I despise the descendents of people long gone, who hurt my long gone ancestors? Where is the value in that? Why carry that resentment, empower that hate?
but we do.
"The people of country-X killed my great grandfather - they deserve to be punished."
Maybe the people who did the killing do deserve it... But they are long gone also. The debt shouldn't transfer to the children, let alone to those several generations down the path. But because people don't want to forget, the issues can persist for hundreds of years.
No one can move on.
I wonder what the world would become of we all had our memories scrubbed and we had to start from scretch, learning about ourselves and each other again, without the preconceived prejudices of collective learning passed down through the ages.
How long until we are back in the same place?
Blaming one group or the other for the conditions of our lives.
New memories. Same old patterns.
I wonder what negative predispositions Smallsteps holds because of her time with me. There are of course the genetic factors which will affect her health and the way she thinks, but what about what she has learned through nurture, from what I have said, what I have done, what I have exhibited knowingly or unwittingly?
A lot of people struggle based on their upbringing and face huge hurdles in trying to unlearn what they should never have on boarded in the first place. If we have evolved to survive, why aren't we built just to let go of the baggage that harms us, holds us back and hastings us from accomplishing a better life and achieving contentment?
I have many theories and many questions.
but no definitive answers
Even if I had the answers, eventually I would forget and soon after, be forgotten.
To the Last.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Caught you at an introspective time, huh? Wishing you well no matter what’s being tested. You have a certain strength of character that, for lack of better words, makes you a good father in my eyes. You may have your own lens, and I may not always comment, but I must admit, storytellers are the ones who carry the torch. Even if a group of people forget, individuals — I’m certain someone somewhere will pass on your tale. Where it ends, I don’t think it matters. I know that everywhere it begs, I share about I followed a continual writer for about five years, sharing in his joys with his child, world views and concern about the state of affairs.
Introspective or depressive, one of those.
I wonder if those story tellers are the ones to blame for so much carried blame. Never letting people forget past persecutions and instead, keeping the wounds fresh, never encouraging healing.
In so many cases, it would be more beneficial for people to get over the past and move on with life. But instead, people hold onto experiences that they didn't even experience directly, it makes no sense.
At least until the last node dies, these words will be available.
Never the last and never forgotten.
At least not for aaaages.
Although it does make you think what the little people will think of us were we to pass.
Something different to what we expect no doubt.
Hope all is ok dude?
I imagine that at first mine would be upset and then in time, blame me for all the bad in her life.
Though, by the looks of things, I will survive this night.
Well that is good news!
The surviving this night and not being blamed for all ills that is :0)
Closure is often not found and we must allow time to offer the salve if there is any. Yeah, we should learn from the mistakes of others, but we rarely listen to the lessons being taught. Life is strange and hard sometimes, but can still offer a magic or a blessing if we look.
There are so many psychological lessons we should learn and practice, yet we don't seem to spend much time doing so, nor is there much support to do so either.
This one is heavy, we can only wish all goes well for you and your family in the end.
Life is a journey of mixed bag for everyone, cause and effect directly and indirectly throughout the universe. We make the best out of it.
The tests so far have been clear, so that is a good sign, but still means there is no clear answer. I will have to take the "it'll be fine" approach.
Just get better and hope it is nothing. Weekend of all times as there is never a good time to be in hospital.
Glad I didn't have to stay there this time -I got to come home. I hate staying in hospitals - other than having people bring me food in bed. :)
Happy you are out as we need a healthy Taraz. We had 11 hours of no power today so is kind of worrying how the hospitals are getting by as not all of them are equipped with extended hour back up plans. One or two hours maybe, but 4 hours or more is not great as even a limited solar supply with battery back up will be pushed to it's limits.
Man, you need to watch that Limitless series on Disney+ with that Thor actor, if you cannot watch all the 6 episodes, go straight for the last one, is so deep. Thank me later.
I have heard it is decent - will check it out on the recommendation :)
If my father was now writing posts on Hive, and I was still a small child, then when I grew up, I would read these posts. This is useful information. Some of this information may be passed on to your grandchildren.
The body is not eternal - but the immaterial is eternal.
I wonder at times what she will make of all of this when she is old enough to start reading it. It was started about 6 months after she was born, so it will be a pretty interesting perspective on her life too.
Our ability to learn from the experiences of others is a good and valuable skill to cultivate. By looking at their experience we can educate ourselves constantly and maybe be able to break the pattern of the past.
I hope that Small Steps will have good memories of you to hold unto regardless of how or when you say goodbye.
Sending you hugs
She'll have some good memories - but perhaps I should be planting more stories now, just in case.
Yes, I agree, you should definitely do that .
In the end, we carry on some parts (or traits) of our ancestors. It is left for us to determine how they affect us.
I think if someone chooses to embrace their situations, they see things differently and then they somehow have control over what they become from it.
Smallsteps definitely emulates you, or will emulate you in several manners. And I have a hunch she'll have good memories of you. The cookie baking thing on Monday is surely one, although you may consider it trivial.
I often wonder how variable our control is and how much ability we have to actually affect it. The idea is we can, but I expect that much of our control is actually hardwired into us to lesser and greater degrees - so what is easier for some, is harder for others.
I never see cookies as trivial... :)
A hospital is a good place, if you want to have an existential crisis.
I hope you get out of there soon! Wasn't this supposed to be a weekend alone with your sick child? There's got to be an easier way to get out of a relaxing weekend at home.
Having just lost someone very very close to me, I can assure you, smallsteps will not forget you. She will carry you everywhere she goes, and your being will still guide her steps.
I'm sending you good vibes for a speedy recovery. Now I gotta go read your last post or two.
I have these daily anyway.
This is what I have to do to get out of the house any time. This was my first major outing in almost a month. :D
This is what worries me. Maybe it is better not to have to carry this burden, so forgetting might be healthier.
How can this be a burden? That's the part I don't understand. The grief? You're clearly a wonderful father.
Kids (adults too) will add meaning to things that they might not have a lot of clarity on, letting them guide their lives in the wrong direction. Some want to follow in the footsteps instead of finding own ways or, feel damaged and abandoned even if that was not the case.
Damn mate.....I hope you are well and the test didn't show anything negative and you do not need to stay in the hospital. Not sure what else to say. I am not great with stuff like this.
I got to come home, as the scans were clear. No answers as to what the cause of the issues are though.
That's good to hear. Just take the win for now and maybe take the month off if the office allows it. Could be stress related no? Stuff around the house and quarter rush..
I seem to have read xhs you're back home and that's good news. As for your introspective post, Smallsteps will never forget you, no matter the situation. Now I'm speaking generically. To move forward it is not necessary to forget, it can also be done by carrying in one's heart a memory that gives strength and to cling to from time to time. In my opinion, what you are writing is a good thing, you leave traces of yourself and you can be known through your writings. I hug you 🤗
But, how easy is this to do for a 6 year old and then, how much damage is done in the time it takes to learn? Society doesn't have a good mechanism for dealing with these kinds of things, especially now that family ties are even weaker.
Of course you're right, for a six-year-old I'd say it's almost impossible... he'll grow up and he'll need it for the future, obviously when you're a child, everything is lived differently and has a different meaning.
I agree with you that in today's society family ties are perhaps too weak, I believe that we should do so to make them stronger.
However, although I don't know you much, I believe in you and I know that whatever you do will always be for the best of your family and this is important.
I agree. I would much prefer non existence than eternal paradise/ hell. Even reincarnation would be preferable. Sure being tortured for eternity seems like no fun. But for me paradise sounds not better at all. praising and worshiping god for ever seems boring. I don't do that now so why would I want to do that eternity? That makes no sense to me. And if after death I would change to enjoy that I would no longer be myself....
ok that is enough ranting for now.I hope that your health will get better and you will still live for many years.
Especially a god as vain that it expects love without proof of existence and so cruel it would punish those who don't believe.
Stay positive and you will get through this! ✨
Cheers :)
It is very painful to just read it out now imagine people who survive this what situation they deal what are their feelings how they stood strong in front of everyone else. But what we can do? Nothing. This is life
Yes. Life. Death.
Rinse and repeat.
You are planted deep into smallsteps heart forever and just you hang in there fella, whatever it is, you will cope.
The sun rises tomorrow regardless :)
In 2018 my mother admin in hospital. Its to much worst time for us. In hospital i see many suger blood pressure patients. Some patients can survive and some not. One day every leave this world. Thats the truth of life. No one can stay permanently. Thanks for sharing your experience.
Diabetes is such a common disease now - which goes to show what our general diets are like I guess.
Whether they do or not
they live on in my ( and other people's ) stories
;^)
But not in the minds of those people who think the world is 5000 years old... :D
That's a 'conspiracy theory' I don't believe in. Although I won't say I know for sure that Dinosaurs really existed ( I like to believe they did ), especially after learning of factories in China that produce dino bones for museums :^)
I just read this. I'm sending you a blessing to help you with whatever you're going through.
The ability to forget will help us to forgive. One to let go of some issues so the he can move on with life. Try to forgive yourself and stop counting error that doesn't have an end.
Dear @tarazkp,
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May we ask you to review and support the new proposal so our team can continue its work?
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Dear @tarazkp,
Your support for the current HiveBuzz proposal (#199) is much appreciated but the proposal will expire soon!
May we ask you to review and support the new proposal so our team can continue its work?
You can support the new proposal (#248) on Peakd, Ecency,
Thank you!
We will all be forgetten, even Smallsteps, even the next civizilations. It is like all will be wiped away from the earth one day.
Are you okay @tarazkp?
Nice article
There, I've given you one. Problem solved.
:D
Do not ask for vote at hive. Only vote you will get is downvote and your account will be wiped out.
Try engaging with the community instead and try to contribute without asking any reward. Is that understood?