I'm not dispirited but someone I know is, a work colleague, who asked me to help her with a few struggles she's been facing; I said yes and have mentored her for the last six months. There's been tears, anxiety, negative and positive moments but there wasn't a huge forward progression and I was beginning to wonder if I was the wrong mentor.
I've contemplated letting her know that I feel incapable of guiding her and was intending to do so in the coming week; I don't want to be responsible for holding a person back and would rather withdraw so she can find someone more commensurate to her needs.
Today that decision was taken out of my hands and it worked out perfectly.
The dispirited one called me and whilst I wasn't in the mood for what I expected to be a lengthy call I answered.
I figured it may be a good chance for me to lay the foundations of withdrawing my assistance. The thing is, that as soon as she began talking I noted a difference in her; there was an upbeat tone to her conversation and I said as much. As it turns out my deductions were correct; she was feeling on top of the world and had called to tell me so and to let me know she'd had somewhat of an epiphany over the last few days, had made a decision and was moving forward in that direction.
She explained her plan, already in motion, and I sat here a little dumbstruck that in so short a time she had not only taken decisions, set goals and planned around them but had actioned them and initiated her way forward - taken a step. I felt proud of her.
Part of the way forward involves resigning from the company we both work for and whilst that will create a little stress for the company that's not enough reason for her not to do so; she's important to her and her two young kids and the company shouldn't factor into her decision-making process. We spoke for thirty minutes and when I hung up had a little smile of satisfaction on my face. I was happy she was happy and that my six months of effort had helped her find her way forward. She did all the hard work of course though.
It's interesting that the phone conversation seemed to align quite nicely with a few comments @nineclaws and I exchanged on hive today in relation to a photo nine had shared on one of my posts.
I always like "in-between" times, the moment things shift.
Nineclaws had said the above and I'd responded with, in-between times are neither the past or future but connect both...Sometimes those times can be painful, other times joyous...But always they're an opportunity to employ lessons from the past to allow one to create the present and future they desire.
We spoke of doorway-moments, those times when things actually change as if one has moved from one place to another, but whilst doorways are static change is fluid, always moving, like time itself. One must move, to attain a different place, physically or emotionally.
I believe many people fear change, certainly the woman I mention above, my colleague, does; or did, I should say. But change is inevitable, even if one resists it. Time moves so things change. When time moves and we don't keep up we're often left behind.
Nineclaws says:
Everyone falls behind at some point. One advantage of that is being in a position to re-evaluate direction, choices, etc. I'd also add that each of us is exactly where we need to be in any given moment, even if we do not perceive that to be the case.
So true Nine, as evidenced through the experiences my colleague has had over the last six months and more; left behind, re-evaluated, made choices and decisions then deployed seeking to step through the doorway to somewhere else. She was having trouble determining where she was emotionally but was indeed exactly where she where she needed to be to ultimately be in the position to find a path forward. Sure I said some words and added perspective designed to make her think more laterally and in new directions but it was she who took the steps towards a new future.
The dispirited one is dispirited no more, just motivated to push forward into new realities, to chase new horizons and to find herself exactly where she needs wants to be.
I wonder if any of y'all have had similar experiences in your own lives or with people around you who have found themselves in a difficult spot or in a situation in which they had become dispirited. What did you do, what did they do and how did it work out?
Thanks for taking a scan of my post, and thank you to @nineclaws some of whose words I've borrowed and quoted in this post. You're set as a beneficiary of a percentage of the post rewards Nine. 😊
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - Tomorrow isn't promised so be humble and kind
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Image is my own.
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Wow great you made that decision to tell her about it and she found a better way to be happy.
It's not in anyway mean that you're incapable, you would do better with someone else I believe. She just wasn't capable for you to mentor.
Good she found her suitable mentor, she's doing well and you should be happy like you've said because you helped in some ways too.
Thanks for skimming my post.
This is that delicious moment when you get to experience the joy of seeing them grow beyond what their current challenge is:
Many people do fear change. From my observations, this is part of the human make up. Change brings the unknown, uncertainty, and no solid ground to hold on to. That there is some sort of solid ground, or something to hold on to is an illusion, since all of life is in a constant state of movement and change.
Regarding my personal experience around dispirited others, that's been a journey of my own to learn how to respond in such situations. It meant a great deal of self-exploration, trying many things, evaluating, and shifting again to further my growth.
In the process, I've noticed that, without exception, people want to be seen, heard, and acknowledged. Another aspect is the need for a sounding board to bounce things off of so that they can be seen clearly. It's very hard to see what one is going through, how to work with it, if it is not outwardly expressed. One of the easiest ways to express that is to share with another person who is able to provide that support, encouragement, and who is able to be present with pain and suffering. I'd say you've obviously done that with this woman, who is no longer dispirited. That, is a joyous experience for both of you.
On a personal note, I was enjoying our discussion yesterday and thinking what I might learn out of that moment. Thank you for including comments I made in your post. I am touched, as I always am, when someone finds value in what I've expressed. Thank you for that and also adding me as a beneficiary on this post, something that never crossed my mind, lol.
There's not much I can add to what you say here, nothing that would make it any better than it is, so 'll just agree with it all.
It's a pleasure to have included some of your thoughts in my post; there's so much value around the hive if only we look for it. Thanks for engaging.
😊 Thank you. You're quite right, there is much I'm still discovering with Hive. I haven't been inspired for some years and being on Hive, the people I meet, all of it has become this ongoing inspiration for what I create. I had not expected this when I joined Hive. It's really wonderful to experience this after so long.
It's my pleasure to engage, thank you as well. Nothing beats good dialogue, discussion and also laughs.
It's the people and interaction that keeps me here.
I can agree with that. 😊
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Don't you love when it all works out without you having to throw the hammer at her? Well done. :))
Lol...Yep no hammer-deployments were required although it came close. Wanted to throttle her at times. That's actually why I was going to pull back; it was getting very annoying and affecting me.
That is when you know you have done everything you can and still be friends with this person.
Yeah, I found my frustrations with her lack of action was twisting me up and figured it wasn't worth it...Lets see how she goes; she's supposed to be handing her resignation today. I haven't heard if she has yet.
Good luck. Parting is such ... nope. Not always.