I've been considering removing someone from my life; I don't want to get into why, suffice it to say I don't respond to negativity well and have no place in my life for those who bring it needlessly. This doesn't mean I can't deal with negativity; like all of us, I have to deal with negative situations and events, other people and even in myself, but if I can remove it I will, and that's what's been on my mind with this particular individual.
We are entwined, humans I mean, and the things we do ripple outwards to touch others directly or by default and, with the world being so small these days due to technology, something that a person says or does across the other side of the world can cause us to feel emotion, good or bad. Of course, those we come into contact with directly are simmilarly impacted; we're all entwined in some way or enother, even if it's only an emotional entanglement from a distance.
The person I am talking about in this post isn't that far away, he lives locally and I interact with him regularly but I always come away feeling worse than I did when I arrived and I'm disinclined to permit another person to make me feel that way; I have enough things to deal with as it is, I don't need more.
I've held to a phrase that has become somewhat of a life-ethos for me. It helps me see and act upon negativity and whilst some I can't change, much of it I can, such as with the chap in this post. It's a choice, and whilst sometimes choosing to walk away may adversely affect other aspects of life, one must decide what's important, what is the best way forward based on the information to hand, and ultimately it brings reward, or at least lessens the amount of negative energy one experiences.
That's the phrase; simple right? It's powerful though, empowering and extremely positive when applied in the right situations.
It's not a phrase or ethos that suits every situation of course, sometimes we have to live entwined with negativity - there's other attitudes and actions for when that happens - but in many cases simply removing oneself from the negativive force will result in a great deal of forward progression in one's own life and I htink that's valuable. It doesn't matter where the negative force comes from; it could be the news service, a work colleague, friend or acquaintance, family member, an event or situation...The same phrase applies.
I'm not about to say this process is easy because it's not, but I always ask myself what the upside and downside of the situation is and usually I find that putting myself first, my wellbeing, happiness and state of mind, is the answer. I only have one life afterall and I like to take the ownership required to make it a better one each day. I can't help that we're all entwined, connected as humans, and therefore negativity passes along from one to the other, but I can apply a filter and that's what this phrase helps me do.
I wonder how you deal with negative events, situations and people when they present themselves. Do you buy-into the drama, embrace the negativity, allow it to settle upon you and seep within? Maybe you take a similar approach to myself? If you're keen, drop me a comment below and tell me about it, or about a situation in which you had to make a decision based on it being negative. What did you do and was the outcome positive and valuable?
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - Tomorrow isn't promised so be humble and kind
The image in this post is my own and isn't for your use under any circumstances
That is what I always keep in mind.
And that is exactly why I maintain a fair bit of distance from a handful of people. It's not like they're all evil or full of negativity, they're good people actually. But their approach towards a few certain things and their impulsive lifestyle choices just don't match with my way of living.
So, maintaining distance is the only option I have for now I guess.
I agree that distance is sometimes the only option, and often the best. A lot of people think they can make a positive difference, and they possible can for a time, but ultimately, the negative peron needs to do that for themselves. It's usually possible, if they wish to make it happen.
Exactly, I really stopped trying too hard. I used to "care too much" but now I guide and suggest a fair few times, and then I'm out, the rest is up to them.
It seems like you're on the right track.
Hopefully 🙏
I think every situation differs. For example, it might be easy to cut away a toxic friend but it's much tougher to do the same if the toxicity came from a family member.
I think having someone to confide in helps, I always feel better after ranting, not sure why haha. Easier said than done, but another way is to occupy the mind with positive thoughts or keep oneself busy so that the mind is not fixated on the negativity.
Agreed, but to me, toxicity is toxicity, no matter where it comes from, and is dealt with in the same way whether it's a family member or not. I don't like the thought of staying in a bad situation that doesn't value-add my life just because it may be a close relationship. Should a wife stay in a bad/abusive relationship because she's married to the person? I think not. So, for me, if the negativity is not working for me, weighing me down, then I deal with it. Life is too short (and precious) not to.
My way of dealing those negative people or events, is walking away from them. I don't have to waste my time listening to them as they will hurt my ears and may result of something that I will soon regret. I mean I don't want to say bad words for that person, because maybe there's something happened before that makes them who they are now. And that's to avoid judging them base on what I see them now.
I think that's a good strategy. Negative people aren't bad people, just negative people. But negativity isn't something I like to surround myself with so when it happens I tend to shun it, as do you seemingly.
So strange to read this as we have just walked away from a morass of negativity that we endured for 3 years, thinking that our positivity could turn things around. Nope, it became even worse and I said not a day or an hour longer. There is a saying; If they don't build you up, then they are not a friend.
Life is too short to dance to the tunes of others and you are so right by walking away.
if someone or something is negative, don't go as often and don't stay as long; and if you can avoid going altogether, do that.
I like this saying of yours and nothing to add to it, as it is the truth.
Have a !BEER mate.
There's always that thought of our positivity making things better, negating the negativity, but a lot of the time only the negative person has the ability to turn it around for themselves. They choose their attitude.
True as usual and it is this kind of choices that matters in life.
The relationship between a positive and a negative person will normally explode.
I've seen it many times, and often it's not good for either.
Agreed and hope that you will have a good weekend. mate.
A !BEER to kick your weekend off.
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BEERKING.We are all entitled to be negative every once in a while, but if there is someone who is draining your energy every time you see them, then I feel you need to take a step back, that's what self care is all about.
Me, I try to plant little seeds, make some suggestions, maybe even be honest and explain why I have to just let that person go. I have in the past.
But you do need to put yourself first, that is a lesson that took me quite a while to take on board. xxxx
Sometimes helping negative people (trying to) can become a positive thing for an individual, however there's a threshold as @papilloncharity says in another comment here. When anything affects a person (ourselves) negatively then it's time to release it. That's just my opinion though, I know others think differently.
As you say, it can take some time to learn that lesson, but the sooner the better because we don't have all that much time when one looks at life objectively.
I used to have an uber negative boyfriend. He had a heart of gold, but was also very damaged, so he couldn't help but have a negative response to - well, life. IN the end I left because I didn't want that negativity to influence my boy. As far as I know, he's still like that. I wonder what it's like for them - compassion is my default (usually) - but there also is a point where self preservation is necessary.
I like what you say about compassion, it is true enough, but also your self-preservation comment...it's important for us all as individuals. If we are not ok, we cannot help others to be ok, I guess.
Yes, that's absolutely true. In fact there's a yogic text that I refer to always in my mind - there's four types of people, and one of them you just have to distance yourself from, all compassion aside. If it's alright for the yogis, it's alright for me.
And compassion only goes so far - you can understand where people are coming from and why they are like that, and try your best to shake them out of their behaviour, but sometimes those sheep tracks in their mind are so well worn you just have to nod your head and go along your own sheep track.
Trailbreaking one's own path is often the way to go, especially when that path moves away from negativity, be it a person or situation.
I know you don't mean Yogi Bear here, but the same could be said I think. 😆
It's not wrong to choose peace of mind over negative people or environment but ofcourse it's depends on the situation and on people as I know we all living differently.
I agree, with you, it's situational.
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BEER.My approach is keeping them at arms length…. I set boundaries for such people though I still relate with them. This is to protect myself.
I believe people will always come in “handy” at some point. My people say “Even a bad child has his good days”.
I had this friend I was really close with about 5years ago. We always had fights so it was a stressful relationship. The COVID period was a blessing in disguise for me because it gave me time to reflect and set boundaries.
We are still good friends but we know where we stand when it comes to each other’s lives
Setting boundaries is a good policy...I tend to set mine well out there and only let a few people close in.
Very good policy