No one is a total fool if he can be silent.
Thursday's are Viking quote days although I'm doing every second Thursday now and interspersing my, think like a leader, series on the alternate day. Sometimes I choose a quote randomly and sometimes based upon relevance or meaning to my life, and share some thoughts on it. These thousand year old phrases still offer value in modern society. original im src
This week's Viking quote
No one is a total fool if he can be silent.
Over my professional career I've found myself in the same room with a vast array of different people for various reasons: Training, conferences, seminars, briefings, social and networking events, proposal deliveries, sales pitches, and many other forums.
I've known some of those people and also none of them depending on where and when the event was but one thing is common across all of them - the fact I feel a little socially awkward and shy in environments like that. It often leads me to keep to myself and speak little but, of course, there's times when that's not possible and on those occasions, such as when public speaking, I pull on my social armour - that is, hide behind the job or task at hand and play a role - and do what's required and that which I get paid to do. Generally though, I'm rather shy in those situations.
We are all have different personalities and when we are thrust into a room together it can be interesting to observe those personalities, and the behaviours that spring forth because of them, in play when interacting with others.
One thing I've always found interesting in people-gatherings is those who feel the need to talk a big self-game, long and loudly. You know the type. They say a lot of, I and me, and tend to do most of the talking within the group. I think they get a feeling of self-satisfaction and esteem from doing so. Who knows, maybe they have a low self-esteem and need to prop it up - or maybe they're just narcissistic, arrogant, egotistical, prideful and bullish.
Either way, I think it's not the best way to proceed and, rather than adding value to themselves or others, I feel the subtract it. Braggadocio has a way of taking more than it gives.
As an example, I recall one such event where the room was filled with many of the most influential, successful and interesting people from the industry in which I worked. I was privileged to be amongst those people but I remember this one fellow who was on the table of twelve I was also on and he was...well, he was an obnoxious git.
All night the others at the table listened to him talk about himself, his achievements, opinions, stories of success and fortune and generally how amazing he was. The rest of us were polite and allowed him to continue, and tried to have our own conversations in and around the rubbish the fellow was vomiting but it wasn't a pleasant evening.
The interesting thing is that at that table were at least four incredibly successful individuals and three others that could be called exceptional operators and, unfortunately for the guy doing all the talking, he never knew it. He talked and talked, endeared himself to no one, learned nothing and neither did he have any of us fooled - We knew what he was and that he really had little to offer. It was quite sad really.
Looking at the quote this week, I see several different ways to approach it but essentially it says that a person's wisdom, knowledge, understanding and value isn't measurable by the only words they speak.
The chap above had the need to self-validate, present himself as the smartest person in the room as such, at least on the table anyway, and in the process he lost the chance to build rapport, learn from some of those at the table who knew more than he and possibly build relationships which could, in the future, pay great dividends. Interestingly, the others at the table didn't speak up to address the situation, we remained largely silent, or focused on our own conversations where possible.
Watching that fellow was cringe-worthy, but somehow morbidly fascinating at the same time...But I couldn't help but feel sorry for a man who felt so insecure within himself that he felt the need to self-promote to others just to feed his ego and feeling of worth. I'm not suggesting he should have said nothing, but remining silent some of the time and prompting others to speak and interact certainly would have been of greater value to him than saying things that had no value to others.
That's it for this week, a thousand year-old Viking quote about the benefits of listening more than you talk in certain circumstances and the value of knowing when to be silent. Our quantity of words spoken don't determine our wisdom or knowledge, our wisdom and knowledge does! We have two ears and one mouth, if we used them in that proportion in social and professional environments I think it would make for much better interactions and more value harvested.
Please feel free to disagree with my interpretation and add your own in the comments below if you would like.
Skol.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - Tomorrow isn't promised so be humble and kind
I had a similar experience last week. Had to listen to a bunch of nonsense, from someone who's extremely limited, but he thinks he's the best of us all. Smartness is not his strong suit, but only we know that as he can't see it.
Wise words my friend, I wish many would read this post and reflect on what you've just said here.
Hey Erika, thanks for dropping by.
How damned annoying are people like I mention, and you met last week? That's rhetorical as I know the answer. A lot.
It's a pretty difficult situation to watch right? I always feel like kicking them under the table, but then that probably wouldn't work...and a throat punch is my preferred asshole-mitigation technique anyway. I'm actually just joking though...Or am I?
We are all different and human so will make mistakes or do things others don't value but presenting as the smartest person on the room is self-limiting and certainly not the way to build rapport...especially in a room full of smarter people who will generally allow it to continue in silence...because they're smarter people.
The worst part of these cases is when you can't tell them how stupid their behavior is. I just sat there, listening to how he went on about how much money he has spent to build something. Smart people don't talk about money that way. Imagine this guy is still talking about millions, while the last denomination was in 2005. He has not been able to adapt to the new system in 17 years, yet he thought he was the smartest. 😳
You are right, we are all different and that makes this world so colorful. I am always quiet in the company of such people as I have very little to say. It's obvious whatever one says to them, that can be overwritten by something bigger they bring up 🙂
Sometimes I fear that I'm among these bunch. I try my possible best to sit and listen till I'm called on to speak. I recognize his behaviors because I... Well. Maybe I did deal with self esteem issues. I don't know if I still do and occasionally, I find the urge resurfacing – begging to be noticed? So I just stay quiet and never talk unless asked to. The last thing I want is to loose something I haven't gotten yet
I'm curious. Where do you find these quotes?
All we can ever be is ourselves, for better or worse. I guess, what's the most important thing is the ability to look objectively at oneself, with great honesty, and if there's room for improvement, then go ahead and take the steps required to do so. It's not an easy thing to do, however it comes with great reward.
I read the Viking Saga's and get them from there, from books.
It's a novel?
The Edda's and Saga's are written about Viking lore from a thousand years ago.
The Vikings never wrote anything down other than a few runes here and there. They passed their folklore along through stories, poems and songs told and sung and passed down from one generation to the next. The Saga's, written later, is that lore in words. There are many publications one can purchase if one is interested in reading the Edda's and Saga's.
This sounds interesting and a lot for smart people 😅😅
I find them enjoyable to read and there's a lot of value in the words. They can be a little difficult to get through, but I find it worthwhile.
I can imagine!!! I'll try. Hope my brain doesn't fry. Maybe it'll help with my vocabulary and words shelf. Thanks a lot ❣️
Now that's a big embarrassment to him.
I'd rather stay silent in place of meeting no matter how knowledgeable I am than run my mouth letting out nonsense just to prove a point or show what I'm not. Naturally I'm not even the type to talk much in a meeting except I'm called upon to say something. People who talk too much especially when they aren't asked to are always empty vessels trying to prove what they are not.
Being a good conversationalist takes effort and understanding, it also takes the right body language as that forms a very large part of communication. People like the person I mention in this post generally are not good conversationalist, but they think they are. It's best to remain silent than do what this character did.
Thanks for your comment, I appreciate it greatly.
Very important, to know when to begin and when to stop.
True, to avoid embarrassment.
I have had to listen to people like this before and it becomes taxing on your psyche. Not sure what they think they'll gain from it and some of them don't even realize that they are alienating themselves by doing it.
There are some situations where you might need to take front seat but there's no reason to hog it just for the sake of hearing your own voice. I hope you won't have to endure being around said obnoxious git again anytime soon.
There's a way to communicate in groups like this and not come across like the git mentioned above although, I always work towards promoting others to talk more as I learn things and it's better for relationship building. Of course, sometimes one needs to do the talking, but by applying a balance to it, one has a better chance at opening relationships, not closing them.
Social etiquette is changing and not for the better unfortunately. I think that some people just don't have the respect for others to let the dialogue flow the way it should. I'm a socially awkward individual generally, I think having to tolerate that for an entire group gathering would be tedious.
The art of communication is dying, in my opinion. Still, there's still some who know how to do it well, and that certainly doesn't mean talking all the time.
Yes, I could copy so many of these phrases you wrote, and knowing so many people like that is embarrassing.
I know you have heard me say this before, but, I will always, always wander about and say little, but, listen much.
Thanks, Galen. Those Vikings know their stuff. It never goes out of style
Being shy helps me wander about almost silently in settings as I mention above. There's been times I've been the one having to talk though, public speaking and all, but later, in the general social settings, it's been most advantageous to prompt others to open up and I've learned much doing it that way.
Exactly. That is something I learned early on and have been forever grateful for. You can learn so much about people by just listening to them. (as your person up there demonstrated)
There is nothing wrong with just observing, no agenda... As you said, you learn a lot and I am more at ease learning about the person, and the business, if that is what I am there for.
It really is an important little tidbit to learn.
Thanks again!
There's a time for talk and a time to listen, the ears to mouth ratio is a good guideline to flow and one certainly learns more by listening than talking.
Imagine two people in a social setting trying to build a relationship. A fellow that talks about himself incessantly rather than prompting the lady to open up about herself is a recipe for disconnection. Listening, prompting her to speak more and showing genuine interest in those words is going to win the day. Men tend not to be good listeners by nature, it's a learned skill.
We should all be listening to hear not listening to respond (forming responses in our heads while the other is still talking.) It makes for poor communication.
I'm no expert in communication, but have done it for a job for over 25 years so learned a few things. I'm certainly no smooth operator with the ladies either, but I know a few things. You know? Listening is powerful.
Most people think conversation is like a competitive sport, who says the most, speak the loudest and the longest, makes cleverest points is the winner= all to support superior knowledge. What a foolish behavior, being right in their own eyes and ignores everyone else! Like vomit!
But it's almost always true, the less you speak, the more the person you're speaking with will listen.If you constantly share your opinions, no one will seek them out. If you only say what you're thinking on occasion, or only make a point one time instead of over and over, your words are likely to have more weight. Especially in a leadership role.. Listening more is a product of humility, the opposite of quick to speak- this is arrogance.
Listening more , seeking to understand before we interject our opinion, we gain the opportunity to understand others better. That breeds empathy and understanding, which also fosters humility.
"Shallow waters are noisy; deep waters are silent."
You make some really good points here and it's clear you understand the art of effective communication quite well. Unfortunately in society these days the art of conversation is dying through the use of email, social media and the never ending distractions that exist. It's quite sad.
The propensity that people have to self-validate and forcefully present themselves in a better light never ceases to amaze me. The poor ability to make a decision to expend themselves so much rather than seek to receive from others and consume for the eventual purpose of growing is appalling.
It is quite understandable to feel like the littlest in the room, or table, but it really should not intimidate one to the point of succumbing to the need for validation. Rather, it should arouse a desire to learn from those who know more and have advanced in their field of expertise or interest.
Everyone had an opinion of him, and it clearly was not a good one. They smelt and saw right through the facade they were putting up. He was not fooling anyone but himself. I need not know what he was rambling about all through the meeting, but I can tell that it was absolutely nonsensical, as you have clearly depicted.
He missed out on what he could have gained from that encounter: connection and enlightenment. As he endeared himself to no one, he could not tap into the awesome things they could offer. Such a pity.
I do not understand why I found the whole story funny. It probably is because of the way you have presented it. I found myself laughing for most of it, because I could relate to what that could have been like for you. There will always be an obnoxious git in a gathering of many individuals.
"No one is a total fool if he can be silent." Indeed, it is important to know when, how, where, and why one should speak. It helps to be in the right place at the right time; where you should ideally be. Misunderstanding the right timing to be silent can be disastrous, as our obnoxious git on the table of 12.
One never learns much from talking. Listening though, can enable a person to acquire knowledge, wisdom and understanding. Of course, it is important to ensure the information one hears is relevant and suitable as not everything one hears will be so.
Knowing when to talk and listen, and what proportion is a skill many do not have but it can be learned. Those with hubris and ego will rarely learn the skill though, as with the fellow I mention here.
There's a guy at work I can't stand. He talks through his ego, and worse, he's so right wing that it makes me feel sick - like, a bigot. Plus he comes from money and thinks his sh**t doesn't stink. Today I had to sit next to him at lunch (he came to our table) and WORSE he was talking with his mouthful of salami roll. I had to get up and walk outside. Amazing how unaware people are.
Oh no, salami-mouthful-talking is heinous indeed. I'd have left also. I know the type you describe here and agree, they are sickening.
The importance of listening really cannot be overemphasized.
I'm mostly grateful for those times when I waited to speak and found out I would have spoken too soon if I didn't wait.
And I agree, being in the same space as someone who talks a lot can be very uncomfortable and annoying.
They talk about the things they know about and the things they have no idea about.
Thanks for this content.
You summarise my post well and I've been in many situations in which speaking up might seem the best thing, but in hindsight was not. I guess some people just don't think before they act (speak).
Thanks for your comment
I really believe that the strongest people don't speak quickly they rather keep silent and allow someone come out fully from his/her citadel of foolishness. My teacher would always say the heart of a fool is in his lips but mouth of a wise man is in his heart.
Silence keeps a lot of troubles, when you are silent nothing shall be levelled against you. And over silence too isn't goodknow when to act.
Great quote from yester years still making big impact in this our time.
That's a wise quote your teacher said, I like it!
Thank you 💖. Quotes might be small but they could have deeper interpretation and impact.
I am not an influential person but I have some friends of my partner who have a good social status. I am generally shy and I also know that I need to show myself in a different way, to be a little more polite in order to speak in front of others.
Well that day he asked me to accompany him to a meeting and so there I was listening and asking questions to start a conversation, that is to say, to listen to each other.
But the people at the meeting wanted to know about me, what I do, what I do, and how I like what I do. I think I talked like I was trying to impress. That wasn't really me but I did it because I wanted to be nice.
At the end of that meeting I felt really bad, I was crying. Because I realized my bad performance. That that person was not me. It felt terrible. And as you mention in this article they surely felt sorry for me.
Very good your reflection and what a pleasure to have reached this message that you share with us. Knowing when to be silent.
This stuff happens sometimes and nerves can also cause a person to over-talk as easily as shut them up. I guess, the best thing to come from it is that you have a chance to learn and do it better next time.
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Thats good
Amazing!
Comments of this nature will get you nowhere here, other than to annoy people. I see you've been dropping them everywhere which only serves to demonstrate you're one to avoid.
Read the posts and comment with validity and relevance or don't bother commenting at all.
I belong to the group that listens more in group settings. I think it's fine if some people like to talk more, perhaps they are extroverted and derive energy from people around them. If the topics are more neutral then that's ok, but if they start to put people down or brag about themselves, then it's a turn off for sure.
If people start talking about stuff they don't really know, just to make themselves feel big, when in the company of those who actually know that stuff then they look foolish. I've seen it many times and on each occasion it has never brought the individuals what they believe they receive by doing it. Derision is mostly what they harvest.