Around the world, there are a myriad different ways to build a home, but the style generally comes down to a couple of things - climate, available materials and culture. For example, the buildings in Amsterdam are built narrow, high and deep, because of culture, where building taxes were based on width of frontage to the water - the wider the building, the higher the tax. And this indicates the main material that affects building style - money.
Climate, available materials and at least generalized culture, mean very little when there is enough material money available to spend. No matter how hot or cold it is, it is possible to mitigate the effects by spending more on things like air-conditioning or, triple-glazed windows for insulation. No matter what materials are available locally, with enough money it is possible to import what is required from anywhere on earth. And with enough money, the general culture matters little, because it is possible to move and create areas where a different style can be applied - for example, in Beverly Hills.
For the average person though, it is nearly always a tradeoff on style and materials, where decisions are made based on financial availability. Some of the desirable luxuries are foregone in order to equip the basics and then, there is a spectrum of quality in material and design that has to be considered - is it the 20 dollar, 100 dollar or 1000 dollar light fittings? Is it the laminate, wood or stone countertops?
But, because of this constant compromise, even if we are happy with the outcomes, we are also likely somewhat "disappointed" that we couldn't do exactly what we wanted to do, generally missing out to some degree on exactly what we would have done, had we had enough money material available. I know that for me at least, I feel this, even though I am pleased with our efforts and results overall.
This means though, very, very few people can ever have their "dream home" because, *no one dreams about having to compromise. In dreams, we get exactly what we want, the way we want it and because we don't have to pay anything more than thought energy to have it - we can dream on forever, building entire worlds of impossibility, as described by our lack of resources.
Does this that we are building "castles in the sky" that will end up making us evaluate what we are actually able to accomplish as inadequate - are we setting ourselves up for disappointment?
I think so.
But, we are generally pretty flexible in our mind when it comes to our mental gymnastics to make whatever we have, good enough. We tend to overvalue the things that we buy and justify why our inferior holdings are better than the superior, by weighing attributes unequally. For example, someone living in a small house will say something like, "it is easy to clean and keep warm", but if they could afford a larger house, they likely would justify it by saying something like, "we need the space for...". It is the same with cars, where people buy a car and compare it to others lesser than their own, but not to the ones greater or when they do, say things like, "Ferraris are impractical and expensive to maintain".
There is nothing wrong with this, but is it authentic?
Most of us don't know the alternative lives than the basic one we have, so it makes it easy to say, "money doesn't buy happiness" without thinking whether there is a difference between the happiness levels of the rich and poor. Without real insight, what does the statement mean? And yes, there are all kinds of personality traits that will affect happiness, but speaking at a general level, having enough tends to be emotionally better than *not having enough.
Obviously, there are lots of reasons for this, but even if one is able to have enough for basics, there will still be the sense of constant compromise and inability to have luxuries, especially when we live in a world of advertising coming in from every source, including from our friends and family, and random strangers on the internet who post their "material success" on the many platforms - their latest gadget, the holiday, the pictures where they are only wearing their best clothing.
We are not only encouraged to dream of better for ourselves, we are also constantly reminded of the compromises we have to make across pretty much everything that is important to us. We look at the world for inspiration, get inspired and then have to acknowledge that we do not have the required resources to make it happen. And, regardless of how so many of us claim we are unaffected, I think it shines through how affected people actually are through the justifications, as we have compared themselves to others and feel we have to explain why what we have, is better.
Regardless of all of this though, what is good to note is that our experience in this life is determined by our perception, not by what actually happens to us. Better isn't better and worse isn't worse, except when we compare it to alternatives and make the decision to see the differences as positive or negative. And even then, we are still able to justify up and down as to why our perception is actually incorrect, making our very own evaluations, wrong.
Just like building a house, our perception of life is going to be affected by the climate, materials and culture of our mind, and if we aren't paying attention, we might not have the resources to build adequately and instead, end up living in a home that is draughty and doesn't protect us from the elements of our experience as we may want.
If you could build yourself again, what kind of building would you want to own?
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
I think it's really sincere to talk to yourself on this issue. Otherwise, you may find that you've been fooling yourself half your life. This is true both when you live in a small house and in a big one. It can be uncomfortable in both cases... It would seem that what could be simpler than being sincere with yourself? However, the pressure from all sides is so great (you described some examples) that sometimes it is not clear and not sure what you really want...
But reading the stories of rich people or just successful people, I find their main step is accepting yourself after having this conversation with yourself. They may be disgusting people, but they did it and accepted it).
Very long and even more confusing maybe, but that's how I feel right now....
Rich or poor doesn't matter much - but one advantage rich have, is more opportunity to do more of the things they choose to do, not because they have to do it. It isn't just about being able to buy stuff.
Undeniable!
A book i read: The art of happiness by Dalai Lama. This book places emphasis on fulfilment leading to happiness is quite a hoax and indeed it is true. I beg to challenge that one cannot even build his dream house with an abundance of money. This is so due to the ever-increasing wants of man. Nothing indeed satisfies man and if your happiness rests on achievements, it is quite impossible to reach. It's like the iPhone race. Every year, a newer one comes and if you are bent on getting the latest one, you will never be satisfied.
To me, the most important material in building your house perhaps will be self-contentment. With this, no matter
Dreams always get bigger, don't they? This is the issue ;)
I think man is doomed to live a life of discontentment - even the Dalai Lama has his personal desires.
Currently we are living in a house which has exactly the amount of space we need. And that space is not in the amount of bedrooms (which in Holland often space is measured to) but in functional area's to work in.
When I look at the houses around me im often kind of puzzeled what people will do with the space. Because why need something so gigantic when only being the two people for instance. And it does feel like status end up being the reason which is stupid.
If I would to build again I would make the outdoors area different actually as the only thing. A greenhouse I would love but I dont find them visually so appealing. So an outside with a nice view and a hidden greenhouse would be the only wish here
It is strange in some ways how places commonly talk about houses. In Australia, it is bedroom count - Finland it is sqm and "rooms" (which could mean several things. The houses are generally smaller in Finland by a fair margin - since heating is/was/is again a problem.
A green house sounds great - Hidden would be even better! Do you have space to hide one? We have it in "the plan" for one day, but it isn't going to be hidden in our yard, so it will have to look nice enough...
About 30 years ago, it was possible to build a house in my city as the fancy takes you. Today, it is not possible anymore due to increased costs and declined income. This caused a new business contractor to come out.
I believe that buildings represent the sould of a city. They are what I observe first when I am abroad.
I see suburbs being built now that are going to be the future ghettos.
Not in our ability to fulfill all the desires we have. When you buy a Ferrari, you don't really need that supercar. You just need acknowledgement that you can have it. You can only fulfill your desire to have it regardless of your level of need. Who needs a Ferrari if you don't have free roads to drive it as fast as you want?
I really have no desire to have a new building because the current building is still very worthy for me to pass on to the generations after us. I mean, if it could be minimized, then this house should have a large family room for warmth and gathering rather than the unclear privacy for what we are fighting for. Life is very short; you only need to interact a lot with the people you care about.
Have a nice day.
So much of life is this way, right? Lonely people having a lot of sex, not feeling any love - a numbers game, not quality or need.
It is interesting these days, as a lot of the new houses are about spending time away from the family, whereas in the past, it was about spending time with the family.
Yeah, if we are honest, I think we all would have done things differently. I would have been more of a risk taker balanced with more wisdom. Fear restricts many of us. I would have lived in a larger city, been married with children and working either in counseling or having a real busines instead of being self employed entertainer. It is interesting what risks we foolishly take and which we pass on.
Yeah - it is easier in hindsight, but often, even at the time we know what we are doing - but as you say, fear restricts us. It isn't just stopping us from taking risks, it is also stopping us from making good decisions.
Man's desires and wants are insatiable and on the other hand a greater population of the society have limited resources to satisfy these wants. Hard as it may be, comparison and living above one's means or even living in denial isn't good although healthy competition is advised. Most of us forget to acknowledge and appreciate our efforts and little progress because we believe it's not as good as the one we thought we would have had or one that someone else (our competitor)already has. Also, having big dreams isn't bad at all but learning and trying to balance it up with reality is better. It isn't exactly riches that gives happiness, contentment is the key.
Women's too ;D
Having big dreams is fantastic, if they include the follow through to attempt to create them in reality. Too many dream only and never put thought to action.
I concur 😊
Love builds a home.When your family fits in the building that is built.Whether it is built by your own hands or someone else builds it for you.It is the Love that is a home.It's comfortable and spacious.It is complete.
While love might make a home, at the same time, if that home is lacking in many other ways, it can put unnecessary strain on love too, right? When people break up or whatever, is it always a case of "love not being adequate" or could it be that circumstances wore them down?
Thanks for sharing