What not to Learn

in Self Improvement2 years ago

My wife is away on an overnight work trip with her team, so it is just going to be Smallsteps and I in the evening, which doesn't happen too often, yet we always have fun. Despite us always having fun, she gets upset before my wife leaves that she isn't going to be home with us, as like many kids,

Smallsteps loves her Mummy more.

I don't take it personally. Much.

For tonight though, since we have a kitchen available, I thought we could have something she hasn't tried before to eat, fresh mangoes. She doesn't know about this yet, but I am pretty sure she will like them.

While these kinds of fruits are often available in the stores these days, they are generally not very good when I have bought them (especially considering the price), but these ones looked pretty good for once and smell great. After living in the tropics of Australia for almost a decade, I become accustomed to being spoiled for choice in regards to quality fresh fruit, as well as seafood, which I miss a lot.

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Spoiled.

Seems to be the word of the week at the moment, as it has come up several times in very different conversations. This morning, it was a client talking about how he hopes his grandchild won't be spoiled by their father (his son), because at least in his opinion, the child can do what they want and there are essentially no other activities other than screens. Obviously this is common now for many, but like my client, I am "old-fashioned" and think kids need to build the practical basics.

When I mention some of the activities I do with Smallsteps to parents, it is quite often that I hear the "but children have to have fun too" comments, under the assumption that Smallsteps isn't having fun learning. It is common these days apparently, that people connect consumer entertainment as fun, and learning as not fun - no matter what the kids actually think of these things.

For example, a couple days ago Smallsteps and I spent an hour and a half talking about percentages and fractions, using various things we had around us to illustrate the ideas. It was fantastic and we were laughing so much over things, and seeing her eyes light up as she understand things, was amazing. She had a ball and while she isn't going to be an engineer any time soon, it is about process.

When kids learn from television, essentially they are learning from the facts that they then repeat from memory, but not the processes to apply and adjust them on the fly. It is like learning the entire contents of a dictionary, yet still being unable to speak the language - like the 2015 French Scrabble champion. And, I believe that learning these processes in the formative and younger ages, affects the ability to both learn and apply them in the future.

I think that this could be part of the difference where there are some people who are "book smart" but have low practical ability, compared to those who are both able to learn and apply what they have learned in a wide and often creative array of applications.

For us at least, the time we spend together doing these things is not lesson time, it is quality time, and Smallsteps laps it up, she loves it. While she knows she is learning as we speak about it, I don't think she realizes there are lessons, rather it is more just "rules of the game".

She is spoiled.

As an adult, I wish I was given this kind of attention from my parents, as perhaps I would have been a more motivated student. Not to pass tests, but to learn the basics so that when I was free to do as I chose, I would choose to learn more by applying what I know and fleshing it out through trial and error. Instead, I lived the life of the stereotypical, uninspired, middle-of-the-road student, only there because I had to be and had nothing better to do.

It is no wonder most parents think learning is not fun.

It is a projection judgement, where their experience is clouding their opinion, and they make the assumption that because they didn't find learning fun, no one finds learning fun. And, I see it in some of Smallsteps' friends, where the songs they sing and the topics they reference, are all from the shows they watch. They spend their childhoods speaking other people's words and I think that this leads to them not ever being able to find their own voice.

We all project onto our children though and due to them being from us and learning from us, there is always going to be some degree of reflection of us in them, which is why we should be careful with what we illustrate. Make a child feel that learning is not fun,

and they will learn not to learn.

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]

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I liked learning as a kid. It took me a long long time to learn to read, but I did learn. My parents bought me a Radio Shack science pack, I learned to make a crystal radio on it and a lot of other things. I even had a Microscope and a telescope as a kid.

Checkers, chess, card games, all of them are a form of learning.

I struggled to learn to read for a long time, I was actually able to crochet granny squares before I was able to read. I mention that because that is what got me to finally understand how to read. I wanted to make things other than squares, so I learned how to read patterns, and then how to read books.

The importance of parents teaching their kids can never be understated. It brings family bonding and fun at the same time. Learning to play go fish was fun, then UNO and poker, and a lot of other things. People think board games are just fun, but they teach counting and strategy and other skills that are used later in life.

I was actually able to crochet granny squares before I was able to read.

Wow, that's amazing :D

There is so much buried in some of the games and what I like about Smallsteps is, she is sharp enough to beat her parents most of the time. She smashes everyone at UNO, always thinking multiple steps ahead.

I don't know where she will end up, but a lack of intelligence won't be the cause of her failure.

I think playing boardgames are a great way to teach and learn. Especially Monopoly which teaches counting and the value of money. Just need to be very very patient as the game slows to a crawl, but once they figure it out, the game clicks all of a sudden.

My daughter is keen to learn chess, but I am horrible at it.....so learning from me may not be ideal. Maybe I should get her to watch the Queen's Gambit.

I was looking at Monopoly just the other day, but wonder if at 6 she will enjoy it? I think I did at that age though. I loved Risk!

My daughter is keen to learn chess, but I am horrible at it.....so learning from me may not be ideal.

I think you are selling yourself short here, because you don't have to be great at it in order to make a profound positive effect on their future - just enough to help them get over the early hills and find the love. From that base, the passion to continue is up to them.

6 years old is definitely ok for her to enjoy Monopoly. She might not understand the game, but they pick up so quick and there is so much going on, there will be one aspect she will slowly like. Mine like the hotels from the start......she obviously knew more then she was letting on! :)

I love Risk too, but that might take a while to learn if she is even keen.

P.S. Make sure to set aside 2-3 dedicated hours to play Monopoly, especially at the start as the going is slow. Good Luck!

Mine like the hotels from the start......she obviously knew more then she was letting on! :)

You got hustled! :D

Once we have reclaimed the lounge (filled with office junk during the reno in there), I think board games in front of the fire will be great :)

Learning as a kid, for me, was way far from fun. And I think this is because I was taught to learn to pass tests, and not learn to get along with the intricacies of dealing with life. So, I often hated going to school. I wasn't even the playful type of person, so there wasn't much I enjoyed going to school for.

Overtime, I began to do poorly. Learning was meant to be fun; it can be. But the fact that so much attention was paid to my grades and not what I actually knew just looked more like work at that age for me.

If only people didn't make learning seem "not fun" and actually let kids learn the right way, i.e., by thinking for themselves, then maybe the world would be a better place as we would have more thinkers rather than characters in a game.

It's a good thing Smallshops is different. It'll all get easier in the future and be beneficial for you both as parents as she'll have her own voice.

PS: Has she now tasted the mangoes? What does she think?

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Oh, wow. This is a mango? I see you people slice and dice yours. We just munch it all over here.

And I think this is because I was taught to learn to pass tests, and not learn to get along with the intricacies of dealing with life

This is the failure of generalized schooling where the goal is to raise the averages, not improve the heights.

The problem for parents when they let kids think for themselves is often, they don't like hearing what the kids think. For us, we encourage conversation and negotiation.

PS: Has she now tasted the mangoes? What does she think?

Yes. Had a half tonight and loved it! :D

Well said!

Thank you :)

For us at least, the time we spend together doing these things is not lesson time, it is quality time, and Smallsteps laps it up, she loves it.

Quality time is the real thing and that's what parenting really is . Here people have reduced parenting to just provide a child's material needs and push the academic needs of the child to the class teacher from a personal experience as a teacher, children who spend quality time with parents are smarter articulates very properly.
Kids are attached so much to their mothers but never worry they love daddy so much.

people connect consumer entertainment as fun, and learning as not fun

I find this is generally what happens when people think that school is the only way to "learn" anything.

Even my youngest is falling for it. He was desperate to go to school (and may still well be but I haven't heard anything about it for a while) because he got convinced that he was "missing the basics" and hadn't been learning anything the entire time we'd been homeschooling (because it's mostly been fun with long bouts of downtime where they do their own thing). I asked him what he thought the "basics" were and most of the stuff he was rattling off were high school level things which were not only easy enough for at least one of us to teach, but that he was also actually actively avoiding when we were trying to teach it in roundabout ways or in ways that are interesting to them (how I do most things).

Meanwhile ask him anything about any of his topics of interest and well I don't know why he asks me anything really xD though what I can do for anyone interested is break it down into Educationese XP

Smallsteps loves her Mummy more.

Are you sure? I think daughters love dad much more. Perhaps, this will change when she has reached her adolescent :)

I thought we could have something she hasn't tried before to eat, fresh mangoes.

Now that you mention it I think that I also haven't tried mangoes yet.

And, I believe that learning these processes in the formative and younger ages, affects the ability to both learn and apply them in the future.

It is a very essential point of view that you have conveyed, Mr @tarazkp. Unfortunately, not many parents share your views.

I totally agree with you that the ability to learn and apply what is learned is the essence of the learning process.

How many times have I encountered people who have high academic grades (due to rote learning), but when it comes to dealing with the real world (I mean, the world of work), some of them fail and today appear ordinary.

I have experienced what Smallsteps experienced from my father. I was forced to apply what I learned by drawing lines on the board he was going to cut to make a table. He taught me the science of calculating angles, and when I was in school, I got perfect scores in math because of "lessons" from my father. Learning is fun in a different way.

Congratulations your publication has been chosen among the best of the day.

KEEP CREATING GOOD CONTENT.

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