In Nigeria, we have a slang that goes " big English" that is akin to what people in other places call "bullshitting". It is a scenario where an individual or entity, like Celsius, for example, spins up narratives, rules and random shit out of their ass because they screwed up and can't fix the problem.
In the past couple of weeks, Celsius has been speaking big English to their customers, offering them false hopes about claiming their funds. In a bid to cover their ass, Celsius has spun up new rules, violated their own terms of service, edited it, added new rules, created and exploited loopholes in a bid to slow down the world of pain that is coming their way.
I tell you this, the lawsuits are piling up against the Crypto lending platform that bit far more than it can chew.
At the time of writing, hundreds of millions of dollars worth of Users' funds are still stuck on the platform. The owners want their money back and Celsius can't do that right now.
In some way, we could look at the Celsius situation as a consequence of building on the hubris of a bull market. With a little skin in the game, you'll know that a Bull market is extremely inflated and you really shouldn't be leveraged in such a volatile situation.
In fact, when you think about it, in the past couple of months where the market has been "bearish", we've had relative stability and the trading pattern of most assets has been predictable.
In any case, Celsius is currently in a very tight situation and this is despite their attempt to alleviate the stress on the system.
"Big English"
As covered by Cointelegraph, Celsius plans to refund $50m out of a reported $210m that is currently locked up in their "custodial program". Naturally, this has led to an outcry from the crypto community because it only pleases a selected section of customers.
There’s a catch, however, as the motion will only apply to Custody and Withold Accounts and for custodied assets worth $7,575 or less in value.
Here's the funny thing in this whole debacle, Celsius has a "Custody" program where you don't actually earn dividend for storing your crypto. So, this is basically a storage wallet for your crypto and I guess it is meant for people who don't want to go through the "hassle" of protecting their keys.
So, people essentially send their crypto to Celsius to store it there in the same way people feel comfortable with storing it on an exchange. People in this category are the "owners" of their funds but we all know that if it is not your keys then it is not your coins.
It is baffling how many times we have to remind people of this very basic rule of crypto. How many exchanges and lending platforms have to file for bankruptcy before people actually learn this very simple fact?
In keeping with the theme of troubled exchanges, Celsius spun new narratives into the equation,
To attain that $50 million figure, Celsius lawyers have distinguished between “Pure Custody/Withhold Assets” and “Transferred Custody/Withhold Assets,” with “Pure” assets those which were not transferred from the Earn or Borrow Programs.
If a mosquito lands on your balls, how do you handle it? Celsius is that mosquito that has customers by the balls. They'll keep spinning new rules to mitigate the damage of bankruptcy, as well as the endless wave of lawsuits that will be coming their way.
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It is an attempt to save time and make a narrative to diminish the anger of their customer. In the end, people will not recover most of their funds.
The moral: Never put your eggs in the same basket!
The more appropriate phrase would be: Never put you eggs in others basket.
This is really what happened when you put your money in a wallet where you are not hodling your keys. This is the first thing I learned when I first enter in crypto verse "not your keys, not your coins." Yes you can do a lot on that kind of wallet but the risk is too high. Resolving this issue might be a bit hard and may take a long time. I just hope those money that they are hodling will be given to the right owner soon. For sure a lot of celsius users is already frustrated with their - you know, lot of sh*t.
It will take a long time to refund customers. They went and got leveraged when Bitcoin was high. Now they're suffering for it
This is indeed a very expensive fee paid for such a simple but very important lesson.
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another big questions to ask yourself before considering a coin is the team behind it, the use case and the tokenomics
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To answer the very philosophical question you posed at the end about mosquitoes and testicles...
You use breeze...you blow breeze your mouth...
Why are your balls in path of a mosquito?
This is where Celsius comes in. And I think your testicles mean nothing to you...or you have not been bitten by a mosquito before
Sometimes your balls just goes where it wants
Goodness me, I don't know why most people find it difficult to learn from each unending turmoil associated with these exchanges and start preserving their assets in their wallets. Now, Celsius is speaking big English for them, and right now, with the way it's going, Celsius might go Scott free.
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It sucks that it happens to people but they have to learn somehow. Hopefully people will be wiser
I hope they become wiser too.