Some time circa May 2010 two brothers Usman and Musa coming from a small village in Niger, Africa arrived in a shipping container in a Florida port to seek a better life.
"Oh Musa I thought we were going to die in that shipping container. It took three weeks longer than expected. Thanks god that rat crept into the container."
"Yes Usman, our survival skills from Niger kicked in from when we were kids. It was a wise move to harvest her urine before we had her for a meal."
"Musa I don't like to take all the credit, it was you who took care of the premature rat babies so they would grow a couple of weeks to provide us with another meal. It was what kept us alive for that extra week. I pray to the gods for you every day brother."
We are here now in the land of opportunity the U.S of A like I promised little brother. Some day we will have more and I will work and fight for both of us to ensure our life gets better from here. We will never be dirt poor again brother. I have a friend called Jeremy Sturdivant who works in Papa Johns pizza that will get us a job. This is just the start brother. Some day we will have everything and we will wallow in our own decadence.
Some days later.....
Musa ,Jeremy wants us to deliver a pizza to his friend Laszlo Hanyecz but he doesn't want Papa Johns to know about it. He said he will give us half of the monies from the pizza delivery because it is going to make history for some reason and its off the books.
Be careful Usman , Jeremy paid me for a delivery in 5,000 magical internet monies last week and I was not happy. He created me a wallet address and transferred me the monies to that address but I don't know how to get it. He might do the same to you.
What is this internet Musa?
I am not sure yet Usman. It think it is some kind of bank but do not fear my brother. Food is plentiful in the Papa Johns food waste bins. We eat like kings. No more chasing dogs like in Niger. This pizza in the bins is full of pineapples and anchovies. Anchovies are a delicacy in Niger Usman. Can you believe that. I can see you are putting on weight. I can bearly see your ribs any more.
A couple of days later
You were right Musa. Jeremy gave me 5000 internet monies called Bitcoin. He too gave me some code like address.
Keep it safe Usman, you never know when these monies will come in handy. 5000 francs in Niger can buy us a bed. If this internet monies can buy us a bed then we can share it and we won't have to sleep on the hard ground anymore. We will sleep like the old Kings of Niger.
You are right brother. You are wise beyond your years.
Fast Forward to 2019, 100,000 Bitcoin handed over by Jermemy for menial pizza delivery related tasks later
OK people we are heading on holidays to Davos Switzerland.
"Where is my butler and Chief of Staff?? Jeeves? WHERE IS JEEVES?
You called ma lord!
Jeeves I told you before , hire yourself butler. I will pay his salary. I need you close by at all times. Where is Patricia the Chief of Staff.
Here sir.
OK I want to do a checklist. Usman is in Sandy Lane Barbado and is meeting us in Davos. I am so excited to see him again. I want to make sure we do a count as we need to see if we can slim down our entourage so we can fit everybody on the Gulfstream.
I'm leaving the business team take a break. The publicist stays home as well.
So do we have kitchen staff:
Head Chef?
Yes sir
Sous chef
Yes sir
Chef de partie
Yes sir
OK the hygiene crew.
Shampooer?
Yes Sir.
The bum wiper?
Yes sir
The bum washer?
Yes sir
Ok how bout my harem of beauties?
The masseuse?
Yes sir.
The toe sucker?
Yes sir
The fluffer?
Yes sir
Blowjobber number 1?
Yes sir
Blowjobber number 2?
Yes sir.
Rimjobber?
Yes sir.
But sir may I interject and ask if are you sure there is space on the plane for the resident rim jobber and a bum washer? Do they not do the same job sir?
Nonsense Jeeves.
Bring them both.
All Cold sore free?
Yes sir.
One question sir do you want the 5 x blondes in our Swedish log cabin, the 5 x brunettes from our French residence or our Asian Harem?
The brunettes this time Jeeves.
Excellent choice ma lord.
Anyway back to the checklist....
The nipple tweaker clockwise
Why yes sir.
The nipple tweaker anticlockwise?
Errrr no sir.
Why are you loosening your collar Jeeves?
I'm afraid she's on holiday sir.
What do you mean she is on holiday? We are going on holidays?
It's not as if she's working 8 hours days here Jeeves. All she is required to do is facilitate a nipple tweak every now and then normally after blowjobber 1 has finished up her role.
Ah yes sir but I presumed one nipple tweaker would do the job sir?
I apologies for my miscalculation sir.
Jeeves you are slipping up my friend.
Raaathdurrr sir raaathuurrr.
Casandra who does a good clockwise nipple is not great at doing anti clockwise nipple tweak. That is why we hired Jessica. She has a solid anti clockwise nipple tweak so we need two. It's not an easy job to be able to tweak both nipples simultaneously. It is hard to find a nipple tweaker that is good in both directions. They are in high demand and are snapped up by the Sultans in the Middle East. So this is the reason we need two. It's like patting your head and rubbing your belly. So you are saying I will only have my nipple tweaked clockwise on this holiday. This is an outrage Jeeves. An outrage. Just it's not a literally not a tweak right now. Without Jessica all I am really getting is a twisted nipple. It sounds like a shot you get in Ibiza Jeeves.
I apologise unreservedly sir.
It won't happen again sir.
Can I interrupt sir?
Yes Jeeves.
Rumour has it that the Sultan of Brunei has a nipple tweaker who can do anti clockwise and clockwise and not only that but can do them simultaneously in any direction.
Whatttt???? This is a revelation Jeeves. A hybrid tweaker. The rarest of all nipple tweakers. I didn't believe one could exist. I searched high and low for one but all I hear is urban myths. The yeti would have been easier to track down. Or the loch ness monster. We may visit the Middle East after Davos Jeeves to see if there is any truth to this rumour. Arrange a meeting with this Sultan but we may thread carefully as I am sure the Sultan will want to keep this gem a secret.
I am aware he has a group of nipple tweakers but never knew about his jewel in the crown. What do you think a group of nipple tweakers are called Jeeves?
Hmmm sir I am not sure. Would it be a gulp of tweakers sir?
No that's a group of blowjobbers Jeeves.
A group of nipple tweakers are commonly referred to as a murmuration.
So like the starlings sir?
Exactly like the starlings Jeeves. Well done.
OK Chief of staff Patricia we are gonna have to change things around a little if we are minus a nipple tweaker.
Of course sir.
Bring the resident pegger or our inhouse teabagger instead. They are not my first choice but I cannot leave it be said I am one short in my entourage!
You do not realise how important the nipple tweakers are for myself and Usman. While we travelled on the crate it reached as low as minus 30c at times in the stormy atlantic in that crate. Myself and Usman's only pleasure was to tweak each others nipples and we made a pact when we made it big in the US, that we would employ the best nipple tweakers on the planet and now that we are worth over 4 billion dollars I think we have earned that right. Usman will turn up with his two nipple tweakers who are from an Amazon rainforest tribe. And here I will be with only one tweaker in tow. Usman will find it hilarious. We will not be able to swap either. The tweak from an Amazon tribes woman is painful yet pleasurable. I'm surprised Usman has any nipples left after those two but he was always more into the pain than myself. Both women have necklaces made from human nipples which is slightly off-putting and I think they are eyeing up his nipples next.
We are different in ways , myself and my brother. Usman likes to be tweaked from behind. He likes a hairy black bush tickling against his back whilst getting tweaked whereas I prefer the tweak from the front. kind of like someone turning on an oven or playing table Futball.
Enough of this chit chat. Inform the pilots we depart in an hour. Jeeves you know I do not like flying so inform our ONE nipple tweaker and the gulp of blowjobbers to be sitting next to me on take off.
Right away sir.
Perfect Jeeves. Just perfect. We have come along way since the bad times. Thanks god Jeremy sold that pizza to that guy for 10,000 Bitscoins. Let's get this show on the road.
Ah mate, you do the best piss take funny stories. I laughed like fuck!! Harvesting the urine first... 🤣🤣🤣
Bear Grylls has nothing on Musa and Usman. 🤣🤣.
Couple of gnarly survivalists.
So that's what happened. It is good to dive into some history lessons from time to time - lest we forget.
Jeremy Sturdivant was only the bean counter. The real heros delivering the pizza was none other than Usman and Musha. 😃😃
OMG, if I had been drinking anything, I would have spat it right out as I laughed my tits off (lol).
Bloody hilarious, I mean where to start, damn but you are good @blanchy.
Hybrid Tweaker, think that maybe that takes the biscuit, you definitely need to get this one on screen. Xxxxx
Lol...He did a good job huh?
@blanchy is the king of comedy, he never disappoints xxx
Ah thanks Aislinn. Rumour has it a hybrid tweaker came from Birr. Milking cows all her life on the family farm. Now the chief nipple tweaker for Bill Gates. Long way from Bord Na Mona. 😄
Sure is, us country girls do tend to be very well skilled.
I did my own little nipple Tweaker write up, not in the same class as your though, mine is a bit more modest.
I leave the dirty work up to you lol xxxx
Oh I must take a look now. 😄.Your stories are always mad and true!!
Am glad how it all turned out for uzman and his brother .... That is why it is good to keep things even if its not worth it.. say is this really a true story?
The pizza for 10,000 Bitcoin is indeed true @fredaig . I took creative rights with everything else.
Wow that's alot of cash, what a cool luck to bestowed
I thought this would be shit...but read your first line and realised I was fucken way off base. 🤣
(Never actually thought it'd be shit.)
I read this in a café with a fucken smile on my face the whole time until, rimjobber, and then I laughed out loud.
And this...hybrid tweaker.
You knocked it out of the park man, I'm adding a forth ecency points winner this week...I wonder who?
It's a classic rag to riches story. I'm waiting for a knock on the door from Ben Affleck buy the rights to screen write it The film shall be called "Oliver Twist".
Haha! Gold man...I sent it to the little group I'm in on Discord so they can enjoy it also, I see meesterboom has already voted on it, hopefully a couple of the other chaps do too. Great work man, cracked me up.
Thanks a million man. I enjoyed doing this one. It's was great fun. 🤣🤣
A thousand Bitcoins for a pizza...
I guess thats the biggest nippletweak here😭😭😂
😉😃
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