*When two people in business always agree, one of them is unnecessary.
William Wrigley, Jr. *
Humans are generally conflicted beings.
We all have different opinions and attitudes, and we see the problems we get into in different ways, and we come to solutions in different ways.
When there is a conflict of opinion, there is also a conflict...
It is especially tricky when a conflict occurs between colleagues.
It's actually a healthy situation, because that's how opinions clash and more heads are activated, so the solutions are sometimes much better when a common solution is found.
But, when a conflict occurs between colleagues, we need to keep in mind that we are equal, both we and the person with whom the conflict happened.
Except when we are not.
When it comes to the relationship between superior and team members,l.
When a conflict occurs, all the training we were sent to and the courses we took are not worth it, the spark that broke out, threatens to start a big fire, if we don't work on resolving the conflict and extinguishing that initial fire...
When these are colleagues at the same levels of responsibility and in the same positions, it is somehow easier to resolve the conflict, because then it is not possible to use the position of power held by the superior.
When a conflict occurs between a superior and a member of his team, the superior has a tool (scissors) with him to cut the discussion, but that never leads to a quality solution.
You need to be calm (perhaps use special breathing techniques to calm down enough, because this can help when there is a conflict of opinion) in order to be able to hear your interlocutor, and to express your desire to understand the situation and the state in which he finds himself.
At that moment, you should be able to see the situation from his point of view in order to come to the right solution.
Victory or defeat are not the only options in a conflict. .
By respecting the other party, his personality and opinion, and conducting dignified communication (taking care not to say harsh words that one of us would later regret), it is necessary to agree on the fact that we disagree, and then start looking for solution.
In the end, conflict is a chance for resolution, not a danger to be feared.
And so, two long-time colleagues, trained professionals, we got into a conflict, we didn't agree at first about the plans of the new project.
I, as a superior, say that we will talk about it the next day. I give myself and him time to cool down a bit and think about the situation.
In the morning, I start the conversation, accept that my decision was not good and offer a different approach, when I still hear disapproval not only of that project, but dissatisfaction with the complete work we do.
"I never thought that my career would go in this direction, this is not the job I thought I would do, I want to change something"...
At that moment I realize that my colleague does not have a conflict with me and my approaches, decisions and thinking, but that he has a conflict with himself...
Is it my failure, my fault? No.
Every conflict and situation I had in my business career, I successfully resolved, we were never left without a win-win solution.
I don't consider this to be a conflict that I should resolve.
I told him: "You have to decide for yourself what you want in life. If you decide to continue your career somewhere else, just send the notification in time, so that we don't plan you in new projects."
I'm thinking while I'm writing this, how in the night when I was "cooling my head", I thought about what I wanted to change in order to change my thinking, how I didn't sleep well that night, because I blamed myself for the conflict we found ourselves in.
And then in the morning I got a long prepared story about too long dissatisfaction due to personal decisions...
Probably my decision to change the approach to that project (which a colleague suggested, which caused the conflict in the first place) will be a good decision - just as the quote from the beginning says. when two colleagues disagree, both are needed...
But still I it seems that one will not stay in the team for long.
This situation has been bothering me for the past working week, I've thought about it a lot, and then I see the topic that galenkp posted.
How do you handle workplace conflict?
As if it was made for my situation.
But unfortunately, this conflict seems irresolvable, until the colleague settles his wishes, needs, plans...
I'm bad at resolving conflicts... I remember some big clashes that I had in the past, but most of the time it was with business partners, where both sides were equal... And a lot of times, when we want to "fix the issue" asap, the hotheads don't allow that and we would create an even bigger conflict...
But, as you said, most of the time, it's not a conflict between 2 people but rather conflicts with ourselves... I have recognized myself in your colleague, as I did something similar... Created a conflict as an excuse to leave the company... I'm not sure it was on purpose, but thinking now about it, my subconscious probably did it...
I'm sorry that because of his internal conflict, I spent the whole night questioning my actions and decisions, but, as they say, sometimes you need to hear another opinion 🙂
I was honestly relieved when we concluded that the conflict was within him, and not between the two of us.
I believe that people who lead teams agree with me that it is very difficult to balance and maintain good interpersonal relations both with colleagues and between themselves.
It's both difficult and stressful for me.
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