I'm bad at resolving conflicts... I remember some big clashes that I had in the past, but most of the time it was with business partners, where both sides were equal... And a lot of times, when we want to "fix the issue" asap, the hotheads don't allow that and we would create an even bigger conflict...
But, as you said, most of the time, it's not a conflict between 2 people but rather conflicts with ourselves... I have recognized myself in your colleague, as I did something similar... Created a conflict as an excuse to leave the company... I'm not sure it was on purpose, but thinking now about it, my subconscious probably did it...
I'm sorry that because of his internal conflict, I spent the whole night questioning my actions and decisions, but, as they say, sometimes you need to hear another opinion 🙂
I was honestly relieved when we concluded that the conflict was within him, and not between the two of us.
I believe that people who lead teams agree with me that it is very difficult to balance and maintain good interpersonal relations both with colleagues and between themselves.
It's both difficult and stressful for me.