Abysmal failure in household chores is acceptable, it's the failure to attempt them that is not. You're on the right track if you're giving it a go and I think your wife would agree. Secret: I fucked up the clothes washing so badly one time that I've been banned from doing it. I made up for it in other ways and with other chores and the upside is I don't need to do the laundry anymore.
Our biggest joy together right now comes from working in the yard and flowers and going to my group meetings as she gets to sit and chat with others couples as well.
Build on that, it's a solid start. Remember being a Marine? (I know you do.) You did difficult shit and leaned into it right? This is more important. You know?
Yep,don;t get me wrong. we are still in love and absolute best friends. Just over the years with kids and all we lost our "umph" to enjoy life together as a couple. It became more about the kids than anything. We kind of put each other on the back burner. Now it is time to make us first again.
Dude, I am in the same boat with you on the laundry. I am not allowed to touch it with a 10 foot pole.
I get it man. I mean, I don't have kids so don't fully understand through lack of experience, but I'm not an idiot and so can imagine the complexities of raising kids and retaining the spark or whatever one wants to call it. You'll get there mate.
Lol...See? We can do something right! (Weasel our way out of doing the laundry!)