#@galenkp has found some interesting topics again. And I enjoyed answering the question of which 3 characteristics you like about the opposite sex. At the beginning of my blogging life, about 7 years ago, I wrote a blog about bullying. This has had a big impact on my life. But the strangest thing is that outside of school I have always been more drawn to friendships with boys. Because the boys constantly bullied me in my class in primary school, I eventually chose an education below my level, simply because I felt more safe there among the girls. Despite that, it was the exact opposite in my free time. At home, I had a group of friends that mainly consisted of boys. Outside of school, I was part of groups of friends that mainly consisted of boys. There I was accepted for who I was, and I could put my shyness aside, which allowed my humor to emerge. They appreciated my courage, and most importantly for me at that time, they were there for me when needed.
When my first group of friends eventually fell apart, a new group quickly formed. It was mainly boys again. Because I was now wearing contact lenses, I had more self-confidence, and I was slowly able to leave my bullying past behind me. My self-confidence grew somewhat and I became a valued pacesetter within the group. Finally, I could enjoy the kind of friendship in which I didn't have to defend myself. This second group of friends didn't last forever either. As the oldest boys moved toward their twenties, got into relationships, and focused on other priorities, we met each other less and less often.
With a few people, we discovered another discotheque and met new people there again, which led to a third group of friends. In this group too, boys were in the majority, but now some girls also joined.
So back to the question at hand. What qualities do you like in the opposite sex?
Over time I have discovered which qualities I value most in men, and the three qualities of men that I value most are the following.
Directness
In my experience, men let you know directly where you stand. Although this is not always positive, it can be liberating. Even when I was bullied by the boys in my class, I knew why that was, and I knew where I stood. The boys that I could consider friends, and who supported me, did not so much do so with words. But they supported me with actions. They supported me in a way that was practical and effective. Girls/women are often more indirect and can be quite mean to each other, because although I suffered the most trauma from the boy who always bullied me at school, I also knew that many girls in my class were nice to my face, but behind my back it was different. Men's honesty can sometimes be harsh, but there is no hidden agenda. That's what I like.
Practical support
Women are often inclined to help with words or emotional support and are often not that practical. There are always exceptions of course. But in general, women are often much less action-oriented than men. Men often come up with a concrete solution or practical help. And the advice they give often makes a real difference. The approach they have towards problems is also much more practical. I often notice it at home, if I see a problem at home, it is often not a problem at all for my partner, and with a few simple practical actions or words he knows how to solve it, or explain it to me in just 2 minutes how I can solve it myself.
Camaraderie and protective attitude
When I ended up in those groups of friends in my youth and therefore mainly hung out with boys, I felt an acceptance that I never felt at school. But in addition to this acceptance that is important to me, I also felt protection and camaraderie. At school I was pushed into a corner, literally and figuratively, I was not accepted, and I never dared to be myself. But in these groups of friends, I was part of a team. I belonged! Suddenly I was also someone who could say something! They accepted me as I was, and more importantly, they were there for me when I needed it. That protective attitude helped me through difficult times and showed me that friendship is not just about having fun together, but also about being there for each other.
It's ironic, but the boys I experienced bullying at school made way for other boys who supported me and made me feel safe. Even though I left primary school with painful memories of the boys in my class, outside the school walls I found that boys and men offered a certain honesty, practical support, and protectiveness that was valuable to me and has remained so.
I can resonate with everything here and I am very sorry of your experience.
Also, that directness is really true! I am very blunt and direct, only later in life I learned it's not a great quality to have 🤣. Having male friend is great because they're not so wishy washy, they are direct and tell you things as is. While I do have female friends, only a few could tolerate my directness.
I like to observe people and like you said, female likes to talk behind your back. They can be fake nice, I am not saying men don't do this but it's just what it is in my experience too.
Thank you for sharing this piece and saying the quietest part out loud 😊