I can resonate with everything here and I am very sorry of your experience.
Also, that directness is really true! I am very blunt and direct, only later in life I learned it's not a great quality to have 🤣. Having male friend is great because they're not so wishy washy, they are direct and tell you things as is. While I do have female friends, only a few could tolerate my directness.
I like to observe people and like you said, female likes to talk behind your back. They can be fake nice, I am not saying men don't do this but it's just what it is in my experience too.
Thank you for sharing this piece and saying the quietest part out loud 😊