Hello, friends! It's Friday again and @galenkp has come back with new interesting topics to write. Here's my answer to one of them.
Why don't I want to have children?
This is a question that many people have asked me through the years, I really don't know what else to tell them without seem like a selfish person.
The point is that I've never wanted children. I knew it since I was a teenager. And I know that this is an important decision to make, and more if you want to build a relationship with somebody.
As many of you may know, I live in Venezuela with my mom and little sister. We live in a poor state in a poor neighborhood. We lack some commodities, and we're always thinking if the salary will make it for all the things we need to buy. I have to see many girls, some teenagers carrying with at least three children; their children, always bare feet on the streets, no t-shirts and dirty and it's sad.
In my condition, even before I knew I would make it to my thirties, I knew that having children, without owning a house, and a very good job, it would be selfish. I don't agree with the people who say that happiness is the only essential thing for a family. For heaven's sake! That's something a conformist would say. I don't think we have to bring children to this world to make them suffer calamities, to make them live on the streets, to make them lack the significant things they must have.
And I'm not saying I hate kids, not at all. And also, I'm not saying people mustn't have to have kids, if that's their wishes, let them do it. But that's my opinion on the topic.
I have two big nieces, they're 11 and almost 10. My middle sister had them when she was fifteen and sixteen. Imagine how hard it was for her, the shock. An abortion was out of the table. She had them, and I love them, they have my blood, but I know their need more things than what they have already. And it's sad that their father is living in Brazil and he can't send them more money than they require, or be with them and show them his love.
My little sister is experiencing the same thing. With a little baby and her husband in Colombia working hard to give them what they need because working here in Venezuela was not productive.
And it's funny because now I'm surrounded by children and my mom expects that they could awake the maternal instinct in me, and I know That I'm protective and loving with them, and I care a lot for their well-being, but still I don't want children.
Some people think everyone should have children without considering the wellbeing of those children. What if parents can't afford good education, healthcare, or even enough time so they can share some quality time with their kids.
You talk about very young and poor parents with several children. What are their chances to thrive? They depend a lot on luck and little on the possibilities that a life project can offer. I see many young and not so young parents, in good economic condition, who spend little time with their children and when they are together, they're watching the screen of their cell phones--half the time?--. We complain about young people using their cell phones and computers excessively, but perhaps we should take a closer look at the example we're setting for them.
Many criticized me for having only one child. Oh, you can't have only one! They said. If I'd had none, they'd have criticized me for that. If I'd had three or four or five children, they would've criticized me for that, too--How crazy to have so many children! How do you plan to support them and where will you find the time to raise them properly?--. People will always have something to criticize. The decision is yours; and it's also your right to change your mind if you do it from your own conscience and responsibility.
I think you'd make an excellent mother precisely because you know it's a life-changing responsibility. And if you don't become a mother, you'll still be an excellent person. Big hug, dear @itsjunevelasquez! ❤️😁
Yes, you're totally right, and I see that too. Sometimes I feel in strange position because to be honest, taking care of a child is hard. My eldest nieces are at home, and although my mom was the one who took their responsibility to bring them here, I am the one who has to take care of them, supervise them, teaching them, helping them with their homework.
And my sister is Caracas, trying to "solve" her economic problems. Also, I'm many people criticized me because I don't have children. The first thing that comes to my mind when it's about kids is money. Money cal solve a lot, but I also know that being supportive with their feelings, helping them to grow, raised them to be a good person, that's very important too.
Thank you for your words, prof❤️.
Big hug for you. 🤗❤️
I don't know about your sister, but listen, you're already being a mother to children that are not yours. Not fair. I don't mean to intrude, but that effort, time, love, and more should go to your own children first. Just make sure to use your life to live the life you have chosen, the life you have worked for. Everyone has to take care of their own children.
I'm sure you'll sort this out the best you can as a family.
I know it isn't fair. I'm just waiting for they to leave because they're about to move to Brazil in a month or two. Right now, I set a goal to myself to grow economically, since teaching seems like a hard option. I associated with my little sister to make clothes and sell them. I'm already learning how to sew in her sewing machines and I really hope this work out for us.
Again, thanks for your advice. I really appreciate your wise words.
Best of luck in your new project! ❤️
🤗❤️😊
you have a good decision, we should have met financially first to have children
That's what I think. Thanks for stopping by.