Saturday morning, you bet we do it with the lights on.
Before you believe I've randomly launched into a post about my personal life, be aware this is in response to the Weekend Experiences writing challenge which you can find here. As I'd rather write about my sex life than a post about whether I'm happy with my life at all, which sounds depressing, here it is - be warned.
If there's one thing I'm happy about, it's my sex life. After twenty years of marriage, I think it's quite a feat to still enjoy a shag. We just fit. It's nice. It's not the gymnastics we had twenty years ago, but it's still an enjoyable part of our week. Okay okay, sometimes our month, but life gets busy, doesn't it?
I always liked the lights on. Not fluorescent lighting - what a mood killer. A lamp or candleight is more romantic than an interrogation lamp, unless that's what you're into. I liked to look - at both of our bodies, enjoying ourselves. How beautiful sex is with someone you love. I liked to see his beautiful face. His beautiful skin. The curve of his hip. And eye contact matters. Psychologist Dr. Arthur Aron’s study on intimacy revealed that prolonged eye contact increases feelings of closeness.He had participants stare into each other’s eyes for four minutes, which often even left strangers feeling a deep sense of connection. In the dark, who exactly are you connecting to?
Lights off seemed wierd to me, like sex was something to be hidden and ashamed of. As if, we all have sex, but we don't want to talk about it. Lights off suggested secrecy and a kind of disconnection from the act, and unwillingness to be loved for who you actually are, in all ways. To be truly loved, we must be truly open, willing to take risks by exposing our flaws. 'Oh no', I imagined someone saying. 'I don't want him to see my scars and my stretch marks.' In protest, I would do just that, a challenge to my lover to meet me where I would like to be met. If a lover could not do that, then they were not worth being with.
Still, us woman have our insecurities. I wouldn't let Jamie spoon me and put his hand on my stomach, which I believed was fat. How I would love that 'fat' now, as my body ages and softens. Now I don't mind. After twenty years of marriage, he surely wasn't lying when he said how much he adored my belly.
Still, I'm thankful that as I age, his eyesight worsens, so that I don't worry so much that he will fall out of love with me as I wrinkle and sag. I'm not quite there yet, but I will be. But then, so will he. If I still love him despite him not being the smokin' hot boy of 29 I became smitten by, surely he must feel the same about me?
All of those physical attraction points do fade as you get older. A good marriage or a good relationship goes far beyond seeing our physical bodies in the light. By now, we've loved each other even when light has been shone upon the darkest aspects of ourselves. We're lucky we're still physically attracted to each other - very much so - but our insecurities in front of each other have all but disappeared. We've seen each other sick and naked, tired and naked, happy and naked, depressed and naked. Lights on or off is kinda irrelevant.
These days, though, it's still lights on - morning snuggles are with the curtains open as the birds chuckle and serenade outside the window and the dawn cracks open the world. It's more often morning glory than moon rise. Still, I'd rather covers on these days, though I force them off, and remind myself he adores looking at me as much as I do him.
An addendum: Upon reading @betrayo's post, I am flooded with memories of sessions with the lights off, tunes on, drunk with passion and other things, senses heightened - damn right, sex with the lights off can also be fun! But we always do gotta face each other when the darkness gives way to the daylight, right?
With Love,
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Ha, ha, ha, ha. It is not often that I say my name thrown into an addendum. I have enjoyed my fair share of lights on. It is amazing. Expression, eye contact, looking at the reactions of the body. I don't have a favorite way. The experience is the thing that I love. And I believe there's different levels of intimacy on each way. As with many things in life, it is a matter of preference.
Yes, it's definitely not an activity you can say it SHOULD be done one way or the other, unless your partners not into it!
On that much we agree. That's why communication is key for everything.
Awe. I knew I needed to come back to this post after I noticed it this morning but didn't have time to read it then. I thought it might be about morning glory muffins mind you! Not about your sex life! Lol, what a pleasant surprise! I really enjoyed what you shared about your intimate personal life. I also enjoy living vicariously! Having been single the past 7.5 yrs have me wanting to make up for a lotta lost sex time!! Haha. While I'm beyond grateful for the wonderful lovers I'm able to share the rare intimate moments with, i am sure hopeful I'll get the 20+ year experience you and Jamie enjoy! Thanks again for the fun post you shared today! It's this pleasure that keeps life juicy!!
Ah, if that's what your heart desires, I hope you recieve it! Damn, the days of random lovers are long gone now - they were great fun at the time! I made quite the sport of it :P
Lol thanks for being a good sport about it! I wish i could find worthy random lovers! Not quite that easy these days! Haha.
Boy that's a nice car in your recent post! Oh, the fun adventures of life!! No doubt the best is yet to come :)
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