This weekend's engagement question in the Weekend Community asks us about time. In some ways there's an irony about that as I rush to smash out a post on a Monday as I didn't have time on the weekend to do so - thanks @galenkp for making the challenge go til Monday. For some reading this, you've only just woken up on Monday morning. Australia's ahead in time (whilst quite backwards in other regards) which always freaks people out on the blockchain.
I found these questions quite intriguing to talk about, so couldn't choose one in particular. Instead, I try to address them all.
🕥 What age would you like to be if you had the ability to choose a given point in your life, past or future, and why?
42. It's the meaning of life, according to Douglas Adams. I can't actually remember what happened at 42, except me saying to my girlfriend that I was going to be 42 in a month, and she said, no, you're only going to be 41. I'd spent the whole year thinking that I was 42 and it wasn't that bad, so living it again was kinda cool. I was also super fit, having done a lot of Bikram yoga, and Dad was still well. Saying that, I'd like to be 42, and not be working in the way I was, as I was heading toward a nervous breakdown. I just like 42 because I was super fit, and didn't have all the worries of my youth. I was feeling pretty strong and good about myself. Mind you I am loving being 50 right now as well, which is only eight years on. I'm just not as fit.
🕘 Stop time - If you had the ability to stop time (and remain there) which year, moment, event or era would you choose, and why?
Probably when I first met my husband and moved to the UK to be with him. Ours was a love at first sight story - we met at a party and were joined at the hip straight away. I went home, packed up my stuff in Australia, and got back to the UK two months later, where we moved in together. We were so giddy in love and everything felt golden. We didn't feel the weight of the years or the responsibility for others that was rushing at us. We were full of wonder and joy and spent a lot of time foraging and creating a home, exploring the woods and hills and just being in love. Did I say we were in love? I mean, we still are, but that honeymoon phase is pretty darn awesome. We lived in a lovely tiny hamlet on some land in Dorset - a very beautiful place to be. I loved it so much. We got married up the road. Whenever I think of those times I just feel happy. We lived about 200 yards from this beautiful chalk stream where we'd sit under the oak in the evening and chat. In the summer I'd swim in there or we'd sit in there and drink cider.
And I loved living in the land of my ancestors, too. It felt like coming home, as if it was in my DNA or something. I connected so deeply to that landscape it felt like a spiritual experience. There was so much history in the landscape, from old iron age hill forts to quoits, stone circles and churches and castles, and the feeling I was treading land that my ancestors had walked for thousands of years before me. It was pretty powerful.
🕗 Fast forward - If you could fast forward over a particular year of your life so you didn't have to live it which would it be, and why?
Most of you know the answer to this one. I don't want to live through my father not being in the world. He's a good man and the world will be a poorer place without him. Currently, he's having Car-T cell therapy at the Peter Mac cancer centre in Melbourne, an incredible treatment that we have high hopes for. But still, parents do die. It's the contract we all make with life, to love and live deeply because we know that loss is coming. I know I'll have to live through this grief and I know it's going to be rough. But on the other hand, if I don't grieve my father, it means that I never had the opportunity to love him, and that would be no good at all. To grieve him so painfully will also be to honour him, so whilst in an ideal world it'll be passed already or not coming at all, I'm okay with it, really. Ya gotta do what ya gotta do, human beings all.
🕢 Slow or fast- have you ever wished time would move more slowly, or quickly? When and why?
People always tell you to treasure your kids whilst they're young, but you're so busy trying to survive life and the stresses of being a parent that often you don't saviour it as much as you should. I spent lots of quality time with my beautiful boy when he was little, including backpacking solo with him around Europe and Asia, but that time when they're little does go really fast. It's not so much that I wish it went slowly at the time though, just more that I could revisit that time and spend a long afternoon with him, just talking and playing and having fun. I miss my little boy. Now he's a big bearded man about to become a Dad. However, I can't really regret much. WE did have a good time together.
Today, however, I feel like crap because my cortisol levels are through the roof and all I want to do is be at home, or in the surf as it's pumping today. Time does seem to move fas when you're having fun and really, really slowly when you are supervising kids on an oval at lunchtime. Sigh.
With Love,
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Hello River
This post is just phenomenal. You have lived the kind of life I wish I had lived...and wait, you're 50? I have thought of you to be my age, you are just so full of life and youth, I was wondering if you were taking the piss in your post. '
I think it's lovely to read how you feel about honouring your dad - I mean we are all rooting for him with the treatments, but I also know that when it happens, it is going to be the closure you will need to work through. I'm still grieving my mom, it was her birthday the day before yesterday and it stang, but it is part of the journey. The most important thing is to love him now while you have time together and let him know how much he means to you.
Dorset is freaking gorgeous, I visited there briefly when I was in that part of the world and fell in love with the white cliffs and the how lush everything was.
Feeling you on the supervising kids part - my life every day at the moment. I can't complain entirely though, LL is awesome but holy crap it gets a bit much sometimes too.
By the way, when you next post, don't forget to use the #weekend-engagement tag as your first tag
I hope you get to find time for that surf, it sounds like your soul needs it. Sending hugs 🌸
Oy, 50 doesn't mean you are half dead 😂 only sometimes 😂 They say you're as young as the man you feel, and hubs is 48 😂 Funny, in the last few weeks I've had three people then you say something along these lines. What am I meant to do at 50, crochet? But yeah I think my passions are youthful maybe? Life is so interesting and exciting even at my old age 😂 .. hahaha.
Sorry about your Mum. I heard someone say grief is like a bouncing ball in a room - it never stops bouncing, just it hits the walls less over time. I don't think anyone stops missing their parents, especially when they are loved, good people. Dad knows I love him. When we thought he was going to die we had all these big conversations. He wanted to apologise for stuff but we laughed... There wasn't anything he needed forgiveness for. He needed to know I guess that he had been a good parent and man. He is so open he chatted to us about all things he felt about life and dying so now even if he goes tomorrow it's all said. Others don't get this so I'm grateful.
Haha yep I remember!! Some days all you want is for someone to take them off you so you can have some spaaaaaacccceee.
Oh yes, so green it hurts!! And me an Aussie and you South African, we know what NOT green is!!
Blaming it on my old age 😂😂😂😂 I don't usually forget...😂🤪🤪🤪
Hahaha no, definitely far from half dead River. I agree with you, it's all in your mind and how old you feel you are instead of how many years you have under your belt.
It is so precious that you were able to talk so openly with your dad, I am sure that that in itself presented so much comfort for all of you and peace with the eventuality when it does come. Everything that you have said about him really does sound like he's a good man.
Sending you a big hug 🌻
It is lovely down in Dorset. I have been down there for a few short breaks and have drank a lot of cider in the sun.
I hope your dad pulls through with the treatment.
Parents are bloody precious
Yes. Sounds like yours were good ones too. How blessed are those that have parents that they love so to say this.
Nothing better. And zoider is good down there. It's shite here,sweet and bubbly for mainstream palate. Tassies a lot better on that front, we had a proper scrumpy down there in Jan and one sip transported me to the motherland ❤️
I am fond of a good cider. And I know that some of the mainstream ones are utter tosh! Maybe you should get brewing, start a cider sensation there :0)
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STOPWonderful post @riverflows it was captivating 😊 well thought through.
I so understand the worries about your father. Hold on to the precious little moments. My father died 9 years ago of cancer they couldn’t even do anything for. Those were long months…
Love your marriage and how you two met story, beautiful 😍
Kids, yes… we all wish for that but it does just fly by those young years…
Take care, hope you feel better in a bit 🤗
So sorry, that must have been rough as. Treatment has progressed exponentially but even now sometimes they can't do anything. Grateful Dad's been given some time.
Thanks for your lovely comment ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much @riverflows it sure was… don’t want to write to much about it as I know your dad is going through it now. Keep faith and treasure the moments you have together. They are worth so so much!
You are welcome 🤗 big huggg take care.❤️
I often think, briefly, I'd like to be 18, as that's where I am in my mind. But then I think, maybe not....
I'd like to have skipped everything from October 10, 2020 on, if I may...
Never grow up. Do you get a shock sometimes looking in mirror? I remember my grandma saying that at 80 😂
It's a shock to me every time I try to move this body. First there's the general lack of energy. Next is the inability to climb stairs without a cane, where I use to leap up them 2 at a time. And lastly, there's the hard time I have getting up from the floor, where I used to be able to rise effortlessly from a crossed leg position. Not to mention the shock when I step on the scales.... Sigh... This getting old crap isn't for sissies...
Haha no it's not, younger folk couldn't cope with the pain. It makes me laugh we can't get out of bed these days wjthout a grunt and groan.
Oh for our spritely youth! I'm not doing too badly .. must keep up yoga!
I loved reading this, such a full and bountiful post! I guess what I love even more is how you express yourself, it leaves nothing misunderstood or to wonder about. Those beautiful moments that pass, thank goodness for memories, yes?
I am glad you found your true and real place of belonging. I have been to Dorset, but, only on a passthrough and it was years ago. I am sure I didn't get cider.
Thoughts and prayers for your father. I said the very thing in different words when my dad passed, to do any less would make less of my love for him.
❤️❤️❤️
Thankyou beautiful. Its part of being human, to lose, but doesn't make it easier. You must have loved your Dad. How lucky we are.
It's true. I loved him with all my heart. For what he did for the family, for the type of human being he was, and for his integrity.
It is part of being human, it's true. I accept that, but, as a daughter... XOXO
Aw, he sounds like an amazing man, and you a daddy's girl like me. Poor Mum, she rarely gets a look in. She does laugh about it.
I love reading about how you and J, such a wonderful love story, makes me yearn for my very own.
Loved your response to the questions. I only chose one to answer, nice idea to do them all, maybe I do that next time.
Can't believe your boy is going to be a dad soon, congratulations. xxxxxx
I liked your go slow response. I'm not a parent, but I think many are so caught up in being a parent that don't, or can't take the time to simple enjoy the moments as much as they should. But what do I know, I'm not a parent.
Oh, how I love beautiful love stories, I hope I can share mine as well someday soon.
Parents are indeed beautiful beings but there are moments when life would happen and we may not have them around anymore.Lovely write-up.
Thankyou! My meeting story was a good one. It's too long to say here but I'm so glad we met. He is my soul love.
42 is the answer ;)
I made a post about that, it was one of my first posts on Hive!
I used to have friends in Dorset who live near the river Piddle, some crazy names they have there, but gorgeous countryside and sow awesome Sloe Gin was made down there!
Oh really! I lived near the piddle!!!! I got married at Affpuddle and our closest shop was Briantspuddle.
Oh man, we made sloe gin - soooo good! We also made a lot of blackberry, rosehip and other wines - so good.