Hello @rayt2,
The gift of this story is that you subtly convey a serious message. It takes a while for us to catch on. Isn't this the way with prejudice? Only the most crude and ignorant people come right out and admit they are prejudiced. Most act on their bias and the target cannot even make a charge, because the prejudice has not been openly addressed.
I like your opening line a lot. Why? Let's look at it. For one thing, it sets the scene:
He heard the siren and looked at the approaching police car
We now know he is in his car and the police are coming. Not just coming, but coming with sirens blasting.
You create suspense and expectation. There is an impending interaction, and we want to know how that will work out. There is a certain menace, the menace we all feel when the police approach with sirens blaring.
If you want to make that first sentence perfect, more powerful, you can consider advice from Stephen King who believed in expressive verbs. If we look at you sentence, you have two verbs that work well. You might think about replacing at least one of them with a more precise verb. I think 'looked' is a great candidate for that. Don't add an adverb, just think of another way of saying 'look'. There are lists of synonyms available the Internet to help you find one.
After I wrote my story I reread it and saw that I had said the kids ran down the stairs and then in the next sentence I said they ran through the open door. I recognized that this was a week way of expressing the action, so I replaced ran downstairs with 'rushed' downstairs.
Your first sentence is great, but since you are ambitious about developing your skills, I offer here a bit of direction that got from Stephen King :)
Hope you don't mind the extended reply. I used to be a teacher. Old habits die hard.
(Left a small tip instead of a vote...I'm recharging my VP for the day)
I'm sorry the explanation was confusing (my teaching must be rusty 😇). However, you did a great job with verb 'brightened'. Look what it does. It makes the scene vivid. It expresses his hope in a rescue. All the more disappointing when the police turn him away.
As for the rest of your story, I didn't tell you how well you did. We feel the cold, the hopelessness as this traveler seeks shelter for the night. We are upset because he has no place to stay, but also because he is left on his own, without any hope of help coming along.
A really good job (and thanks for those nice words about teachers).
That is a great idea. We have a library of good advice there.