This is great, @faithann. I felt the suspense building, and I knew something unexpected was going to happen. I just about jumped out of my chair when the little creature appeared in the kitchen! And I laughed out loud when it turned out to be the little girl! Well done.
I have a few small feedback items for you. I wasn't sure if the narrator was a man or a woman. He or she is referred to as "uncle," which is a man. But at some point the narrator says "Shake it off, girl." So then I thought it must be a woman. If it is a woman, you should change the instances of "uncle" to "aunt."
Also, I have a great resource for you — a post called Help for the Grammatically Challenged in our catalog of fiction writing tips. It describes how to use Google Docs to draft your content, and it will help you find errors in your wording and grammar and fix them. It's a great tool! I find that it really helps me to find typos before I post.
Thank you!
Oops, I guess I didn't make it happen. Their uncle is actually a gay man.
I tried to hint at it in several occasions like the rolling of eyes, caring about his manicured nails, regarding himself as a girl and even acting overly scared and dramatic.
Thanks for taking out time to point this out and for the resource recommendation. I'd do a better job next time.
Getting refined in the presence of you great writers has been an absolute pleasure. Thank you.
Oh, thank you for sharing that, @faithann. Yes, I can see your intent now. I am trying to think of a way to make it clear, especially since he is the one telling the story. I suppose you could have him say something like, "Janet hasn't always accepted that her brother is gay, but we have worked through it, and now we're very close." Sometimes it's really a puzzle as to how to add a detail like that!
Thank you for being open to feedback!
Right! Here is a very clear way to include the detail. I appreciate that you gave this illustration.
Thank you for sharing your wealth of knowledge!