One thing I love so much is when my heart is at peace, when it's not being bothered with any troubles of life. My heart is so soft that any little breach affects it, it's so soft to the extent that I've vowed to turn it to rocky because it's not good for a guy like me. Although it's gradually turning to that rocky state but it's yet to get to the peak; exactly the point that I'll not be able to feel guilty when I do the things that normal people do.
Have you ever imagined how those people that break heart feels after they're done? How about those that take someone's life They don't feel guilty about it because their hearts are hardened. I'm not wishing or planning to break someone's heart or the other, but let my heart gets to the point where I'll no long run helterskelter when 'normal' things happen to me.
Let me share one of my experiences to you.
Way back at school, there was this lady in our lodge that wholeheartedly fell for me and I tried my best not to take advantage of the situation. Not only avoided to take advantage but I was also scared because I'm a cool headed & innocent guy that's yet to get spoilt.
I didn't know she meant business and got me fell to get trap one day. Yeah, I was scared and smart enough not to go down because I was scared of getting someone pregnant. Where will I start from if it ever happens? The news will noise abroad and I'll be summoned by the elders in my community because I'm the type that they look up to.
Thank God nothing serious happened that night, I had to run away. But after the night, some thought flashed on my mind🤩, a lot of "what ifs?" kept popping up and I became more scared.
"Since she likes me and was ready to go down, what if she eventually gets pregnant from another guy and accuses me to be responsible via the rumbles of that night?" Of course no one will believe me because we were together that night even though nothing serious happened.
What actually fascinated these thoughts were Nollywood movies that I've seen, where people are accused and blamed for pregnancy when they're not actually responsible. These thoughts kept eating me up, I was so restless and I couldn't share with anyone because they'll believe the otherwise. Sometimes I would be in class and my attention will not be there, I will eating and dining with my "what ifs". It really dealt with me.
After some weeks, I was in class receiving lectures when I saw my phone beeped, I went outside to pick the call and I heard her crying. I asked her what happened and she said she'll tell me when I get home.
Guys! My heartbeat raised so high, I became so scared because I thought she's pregnant already and want to push the responsibility on me. "But can pregnancy happen via just kiss?" "I can't be responsible for that pregnancy if it's pregnancy that's making her to cry, because I didn't go down" I pondered severally before leaving for house.
I got home and met her at the lobby, I didn't hesitate to ask her what happened and she opened her mouth to tell me that she lost the N1,000 I gave to get her in the morning to buy some food stuffs which she's to supposed to return the balance to me.
"Was that really the reason?" I asked her again to confirm that it wasn't a joke she's trying to pull and she confirmed it's true. Guys! I took a deep breath to calm myself down, my mind calmed down.
I quickly left her at that spot, entered inside my room, jumped on my bed and began to thank God for saving me.
You see the reason I need a 'rocky' type of heart?
What happened between us was what happens to normal people and they(the guy especially) won't feel guilty or be scared. I wish I'm that kind of guy. I'm getting there💪.
Ever since then, I'm always skeptical to get close to such Instance because I know how my heart reacts.
The story is quite sad because it is almost the same as the stories of some of my close friends. It seems that fear and peace will always exist in human life, but even so, humans are able to fight fear for whatever reason and create peace in the heart.
But I'm very sure that there are humans that don't have a single atom of fear in them. I've seen such people and I wonder if they're actually humans.
As for me, I'm still cared on a lot of things we do
I also used to be so hard-hearted even before becoming a teacher. That must be because of how I was raised by my parents as a conservative and non-depending child. Now, I'm living by myself thinking and figuring out how my life would be for the next years.
Yeah, this kind of heart has advantages too if well harnessed. Yours is doing well for you 💪
It’s sad that you lived in such a state of fear over being named the father of a child you didn’t procreate. In this day and age no man has to worry himself, or harden his heart on this account, because DNA testing can prove if you’re the father or not. It doesn’t matter how much time you’ve spent with a girl, nobody can make you take responsibility for a child that isn’t yours.
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I am surrounded by many hardened hearts here, yet I don't want to have one. But the situations got mine adapted to it to the point it is no longer a rock but a rugged piece. I do have the soft feelings since the inner status of my heart is soft, it's just I do not need to react so quickly or immediately express a question, time by time, your heart will be sharpened as well. However, what is humankind if what we have after all is a rocky heart?
A big thank you for this!
This said it all. Existence will turn sour because no one would care again
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