There is some excellent prose and descriptions in this puppy love tale.
She haunted me in that space for weeks, floating over my coffee cup in the mornings, reaching for me across the sheets at night.
The story starts melancholic and somber but then brightens as if the sun parted through the clouds.
On some parts I had difficulty determining who the speaker was. For example,
I looked at her and it felt as if the sun had just come out.
“I tell you what. I’ll take the mutt home with me, but you’ve got to agree to come over to my place and visit, often. You’ve got to agree to come and help me when I take him for walks in the park. You’ve got to help me check him out of this cage right now, and perhaps we could do coffee to work out a schedule. For the puppy, you understand?”
Adding a 'he said' or 'she said' after the first sentence would make it easier to follow. Sometimes this is not necessary because of the flow of the conversation, but when there's a break in that flow, adding this bit of extra information can be helpful to the reader.
This is was an entertaining read. :)
Oh, I’ll add your suggestions. Just one thing
Is not spoken😊❤️🤔❤️😊😊
Thanks @litguru
Ah yes, I should've clarified further but got lazy ;) I included the first paragraph to add context as follows:
This sentence focuses the action on two characters, the narrator and the lady. So in the next paragraph, it's not clear who is speaking and using 'she said' could be useful.
On the other hand, if the preceding paragraph had focused the action on a single character, then 'she said' might not be necessary.
In this second instance, the action is focused on her, and so further clarification of the speaker may be not necessary. Less is more in this case because fewer words give vigor to one's writing.
Goodness, I thought that was enough to demo that HE was taking the puppy home and SHE was going to help HIM.
@litguru I’ll look at it carefully. Haha, didn’t mean to confuse you😊❤️🤔
HAPPY EASTER 🐣❤️😊😊🐣🐣
!ALIVE
Thank you!
The structure of the paragraphs works either way. The reader has enough clues to piece it together. It all depends on the flow you'd like.
Happy Easter! 🙏
🤔😊🥰🐣
!ALIVE
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You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE(1/10)@litguru! to your account on behalf of @itsostylish.
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe
through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.
You Are Alive so I just staked 0.1 $ALIVE(1/10)@litguru! to your account on behalf of @itsostylish.
The tip has been paid for by the We Are Alive Tribe
through the earnings on @alive.chat, feel free to swing by our daily chat any time you want.