This is really delightful Sam; you know me, meticulously chosen words are irresistible! The cyclical structure around the time felt necessary to enclose the place, and when I got to 'Timed owned me' - that was a really powerful thought.
From a constructive wondering point of view, I wondered if that would have been the place to end the piece - on a dark and smouldering note. I don't know, just a wondering.
I have been putting off cleaning the bathroom all day, I think I'm about to go do it. My wife and I have this understanding, I get to do all the 'gross' jobs. Not to say that our bathroom is gross, but you know what I mean. I also get the oven clean job. Anyways, the toilet beckons!
ooh... a tighter finish, leaving the reading hanging... interesting... I like it! Something to ponder for future pieces. I have already learned a bit from reading writers like yourself. I'm learning to tighten... but yeah I think I let it go right near the end if I reread it. After it was published I came up with a couple of different sentences to close the piece that I feel would have been stronger... I may edit it down the line with a clear alternative ending.
haha enjoy the cleaning! Hopefully the toilet and the oven aren't categorised in the same part of your brain as my writing... lol... the latter may take a lot more time to fix 😂😂😂 !LUV !LOLZ
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