I'd hate to be young and worrying about popularity again.. that sucks! Your story really got into that theme well.
One tip I have.. and I hope you don't mind ... is to give your reader something to see, taste, touch - to ground them in reality. That helps them see the situation and enjoy it, and would have helped structurally with your intermission. For example, you could have started with that, exploring how she felt though her actions.
Eg
Kate's clothes were scattered over the bed like her thoughts. Would the pink dress be too much? Too short? The one with the sequins reflected her own face back at her and made her stomach flutter. Both were old and frayed. She slammed the cupboard door and sank onto the cold floorboards.
She felt like a shadow in their midst, it was as if they could barely see her.
This was my favourite line for the beautiful visual image and feeling it conveyed.
Keep writing!
Thanks!
Hi there - your original comment was over 7 days old, so I needed to upvote this comment here for the DreemPort trail to come :)
Also - I'll be sending your 100 Dreem tokens now! Thanks for having such great engagement on this post that was submitted to DreemPort!
Thanks so much, really appreciated @strongtower. I'm sorry I haven't had time to look at Dreemport, I'll try to get to it soon, I promise!
hehehe no need to worry at all, @riverflows!
We are just building slow and strong - we are not in a rush, so we don't want anyone else to be in one either!
When the time is right, you visit! Until then, relax, smile, and enjoy life! hehehe
(and keep writing awesome comments too! hehe)
Got on there today! I'll give it a go when I can so I can figure out what the point is!
Thanks! I will try!
I don't mind at all, I really appreciate your advice, it would have made my story really dope. But I'll try to apply it next time.
I'm glad you love that line, thank you for stopping by and leaving your comment @riverflows, I truly appreciate it.
You are very welcome ❤️❤️❤️ The more we write and share with each other the more we hone our skills!
Yeah, that's true. Thanks for the advice 🤗.