Michelle was the second child of her parents out of three. She was privileged to have gotten a scholarship to one of the best universities because she was a very bright girl. She was beautiful and lovable, in fact every guy wants to be with her but she never fancied these things because she was determined to make her parents proud. Her parents were not doing well financially, so she has promised herself to take her scholarship seriously because it was the only way for her to elevate her family from were they are now.
Preparations were made for her to move to campus and everything went well, she arrived safely to her apartment on campus and like every other, she had a roommate. Kate happens to be a lesbian and she was not serious with her studies. Michelle was not worried because she knew what she came to school for. She started her classes and she had fun at her first class because she was able to give an answer to the question asked by the lecturer which was a really great thing for her. At the end of the class, she met Noah, Noah was also a brilliant student and loved the way Michelle gave the answers to the questions, that's why he went to make friends with her.
Michelle was happy she met someone like Noah because he was really friendly and welcoming. Michelle enjoyed her first days at campus because she had all that she needed and nothing seemed to be a problem for her, she was doing well at her studies and that was what she had wished for.
After class one day, she went to the library to read some books to help her for the assignments that she had to submit two days after. When she got home, she saw Kate who was getting prepared to go to a club to have fun with her friends. She asked Michelle to join her but she refused so she said some words to dare her and she foolishly listen to her and that was when it all began.
INTERMISSION
Michelle rushed to the bathroom to get herself refreshed and she tried looking for clothes to wear but she found out that all the clothes she had were just for classes. But she had to wear it either ways because she had no money with her. After that she went with Kate and her friends to the club.
When they got there, Michelle found out that she was looking different from everyone and she felt ashamed of herself. She felt like a shadow in their midst, it was as if they could barely see her because no one was talking to her not even her roommate.
From that point, Michelle started losing focus on her plans of achieving her goals because she wanted to feel among and that made her to start losing focus on her goals but started focusing more on how to gain popularity like the other girls she met at the club. She pleaded with Kate to show her the way she could belong. Kate was surprised but she was happy Michelle wanted her help, because that was what she has always wanted. She hated the fact that Michelle was very focused in her studies and she was not.
After some weeks, Noah noticed it and tried to advise her but she was keen on getting famous and popular. Noah saw that his words no longer has effect on Michelle, so he had to stay away from her and just watch her. Although he always reached out to her but she kept pushing him away because of her new found friends. Michelle started becoming the shadow of herself even worst that what she was at the club.
The more she tried to fit in, the more she felt like she was not herself, she kept following her friends until a day came when her friends made mockery of her of her family and she trying to fit in where she does not belong, it was then she realized that she has drifted from her goals. She cried a lot because she knew she made a mistake letting the words and actions of her friend Kate to get to her. She never knew that Kate was envious of her because she was brilliant and she wanted Michelle to be like her.
She went back to Noah to apologize for discarding their friendship for fame and popularity. Noah was mad at her but he was happy his friend was back and he quickly forgave her.
Michelle forsook the part of fame and popularity and focused on her dreams and this time, she made sure not to listen to things that threatens her goals. Noah always stood by her and they both were able to make it to the end of their studies and they came out with very good grades, although Noah did better than Michelle because of the times she drifted away. Michelle was very grateful to Noah for support he gave to her.
I'd hate to be young and worrying about popularity again.. that sucks! Your story really got into that theme well.
One tip I have.. and I hope you don't mind ... is to give your reader something to see, taste, touch - to ground them in reality. That helps them see the situation and enjoy it, and would have helped structurally with your intermission. For example, you could have started with that, exploring how she felt though her actions.
Eg
Kate's clothes were scattered over the bed like her thoughts. Would the pink dress be too much? Too short? The one with the sequins reflected her own face back at her and made her stomach flutter. Both were old and frayed. She slammed the cupboard door and sank onto the cold floorboards.
This was my favourite line for the beautiful visual image and feeling it conveyed.
Keep writing!
Thanks!
Hi there - your original comment was over 7 days old, so I needed to upvote this comment here for the DreemPort trail to come :)
Also - I'll be sending your 100 Dreem tokens now! Thanks for having such great engagement on this post that was submitted to DreemPort!
Thanks so much, really appreciated @strongtower. I'm sorry I haven't had time to look at Dreemport, I'll try to get to it soon, I promise!
hehehe no need to worry at all, @riverflows!
We are just building slow and strong - we are not in a rush, so we don't want anyone else to be in one either!
When the time is right, you visit! Until then, relax, smile, and enjoy life! hehehe
(and keep writing awesome comments too! hehe)
Got on there today! I'll give it a go when I can so I can figure out what the point is!
Thanks! I will try!
I don't mind at all, I really appreciate your advice, it would have made my story really dope. But I'll try to apply it next time.
I'm glad you love that line, thank you for stopping by and leaving your comment @riverflows, I truly appreciate it.
You are very welcome ❤️❤️❤️ The more we write and share with each other the more we hone our skills!
Yeah, that's true. Thanks for the advice 🤗.
Well done Michelle for realising that she was deluding herself by trying to be like Kate and the 'in crowd'.
Well done also to noah for being a real friend!
This was a great story to read partner :)
Yeah, I'm glad I could come up with this story,it was to speak to persons that easily get carried away by others success. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Oh yes I did and I hope they would read it!
Yeah, I hope so too.
Never let anyone bring down your self esteem, I repeat..never... this was an awesome story, can't wait to see what you come up with next...good write as always
I'm so glad you got the message, thank you so much for stopping by and leaving your comment.
This is a nice job! Please keep on writing!
Thanks.
You are welcome my friend!
Yeah, it's nice having you stop by.
👍
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Your story shares that it is difficult to stay focused on goals when concerns of popularity and influence enter the picture. The story has a strong moral around staying true to yourself.
To strengthen your stories, we recommend that you incorporate action and dialog. Stories that are all narrative without action and dialog are less likely to engage the reader. Here are a few resources for you:
Good luck and keep writing.
Thank you for your feedback and the help.
Thank God Michelle got a grip of her goals back after drifting away for sometimes. This is actually what many youths face in school. It takes the grace of God and discipline for people like Michelle to stay focus. Thank God for using Noah to help her. Kate was really a bad influence. Nice work dear.
Yeah, I'm glad you understood the story well. Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving your amazing comment as always @adoore-eu.
People need to watch out for peeps like Kate because they are looking for ways to drown others just the way they have been drowned.
Thank God Michelle quickly moved out and went back to focusing on her goals. Interesting story.
Yeah, Kate was so envious of Michelle and that was why she decided to make her loose focus of the things that matter most to her. She was lucky she already had a good friend before all these.
Thank you for stopping by and leaving your amazing comment @princessbusayo.
An enjoyable read. Thanks!
Thanks for stopping by @mypathtofire and you are welcome.
This is a very common scene in our colleges today. People go to schools and forget the reason they are there because of peer pressure and bad influence from friends. Bad companionship would always produce bad results. Good a thing she had a friend like Noah. People who set us straight when we are going off track.
Beautiful story with a beautiful ending.