Your piece is filled with gut-wrenching emotion, but as you acknowledged, it is not quite a story. Being completely narrative it lacks the balance that dialogue would bring. I do like what I am seeing though as I see potential! So, don't lose heart. We have a wealth of articles on fiction writing in The Ink Well and they can be found as links in the following post Catalog of Fiction Writing Tips. We also highly recommend that you run your drafts through Grammarly to identify any issues with spelling, grammar, and punctuation, but please do not use any of the advanced AI features in Grammarly or any other AI editing software. We only sanction the sue of Grammarly and Google Docs and then only for light editing and not for using any features that rewrite text, improve it or create greater fluency, as we still want to read your words 🥰. Thank you for choosing to write in The Ink Well.
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Thanks for your valuable comment. I will go through the catalog and try to improve myself. ☺️