Hello @hive-elite. We are pleased to see you writing creatively. There are many fine qualities in this story. Chief among these qualities is the character portrayal of the young girl. However, there are some issues that need to be addressed.
We require our authors to support others in the community by commenting on at least two stories for each story they submit. We note you have not done this. Also, although the story does have a strong character, it doesn't have a strong arc. An arc satisfies the resolution of a conflict. In this case, you introduce a mystery man, but you do not let the readers know anything about this man. Why has he come? What are his intentions? Why did he pick Liana to visit?
This is a story with an interesting premise. Readers are left with questions. It is the author's job to answer those questions.
Overall, you have made some good points here. We hope to see you develop your writing skills more in the future.
Thank you.