You are viewing a single comment's thread from:

RE: Fiction: Closing the house/ Cerrar la casa (ENG/ ESP)

in The Ink Wellyesterday

This was beautifully conceived, @nancybriti1. You paint a touching picture of a budding relationship between the two girls, and keep the reader wondering if this other child has something to do with the MC's grandmother. I guessed early on that the other child was the grandmother in child form but my brain works like that :-) I thoroughly enjoyed this read but I was left with questions and wanting a little more. I feel that your piece would have been even better if you had provided more insight into your MC's mother's relationship with her mother and why she was so upset about the stones. One might have thought that she would have drawn comfort from the stories and the beautiful connection between her mother and her daughter. This would have helped us to understand her internal conflict and reactions better. The story would also have benefited from further development around the magical properties of the stones. We don't get to see your MC use the stones to make wishes or gain more power, so we wonder why these specific abilities are mentioned. More dialogue between grandmother and granddaughter could have been used to good effect to wrap up the story, and to show why the grandmother was appearing to her granddaughter as a child, and keeping her identity a secret. Is she trying to make up for lost time or to heal relationships or past regrets, perhaps? Or is she just trying to keep a supernatural communication link open with her family, and sadly her own daughter does not recognise what is going on? If we knew, it would also have made for a stronger character arc.

Sort:  

Wow, now that I read your comment, I think I was able to get more out of the story and that there were some loose threads. I think this time two things worked for me: in my country we are suffering from power cuts and I had to make a not so long story so that I could publish on time. And the other is that in my country there is a belief that there are “goblins” that try to take children away. But now that I read your suggestions, I think I could even make a second part with this story. Thanks for the ideas, friends.