The story is beautifully written...but then, it's not really a story, is it? It's a prologue. Although it is contemporary, it reads almost like an adventurer's tale from the 18th century, perhaps the introduction to a book by Swift. We appreciate that your form is deliberately unconventional, but please note that it reads like a fragment, not a story. We'd love to read the story :)
Hahaha yes, and it's not the whole story. It could be a prologue, thank you so much for helping me with that. I think I'll use it as a prologue. The other lines I wrote as a log of what I was feeling.