At some point/s in life, you may have come across your Shadow. You may have tried to run from it. You may have tried to get rid of it. Perhaps, you've learned to be friends with it. The darkness is daunting, but sometimes, it can lead you back to where you ought to be.
I have been shying away from any sort of pen-and-paper doodling. The confidence that I could still draw something has waned and I haven't been sure if I really wanted to go through the hoops of frustration with the arts. I forgot how comforting it was to let yourself loose and create something out of nothing.
I wanted perfection but got scared of the mistakes that needed to be committed before reaching it.
And then Shadow came running faster than I could still run from it. The exhaustion from life has finally taken over me and Shadow started reminding me of things I have put on the back burner... And some that I've thrown into the darkest corners of my mind.
Weeks ago, my anxiousness was cranked up to its maximum. I feared that I would mess up a beach outing by breaking down in front of friends. To make an unsatisfactory sketch or to make a scene, I had to pick one. Perhaps Shadow was the one who made me bring the notebook.
"Stop asking and just take it with you," It didn't care if the notebook might get wet. It didn't care if bringing paper to the beach was ridiculous.
My exhaustion and anxiety got the best of me no matter how excited I was for the beach. Nighttime came, dinner passed, game time was happening and I was not myself. Shadow said I should pay attention to the moonlit sea.
And so did I. I was not able to capture the eerie orange tint that the moon had during that night. It was beautiful. My hands seemed to move on their own. I was worried about the ink bleeding through the next page.
I can't remember when was the last time I attempted to cross-hatch. I wanted to capture the darkness of the night sky but I was concerned that the sea would become invisible.
When I stopped when I felt that it was enough and left some scribbles underneath.
21:15 (?)
I cried while lying down on the shore.
Tears fell into the salty sea.
Emotions went along with them.
Crying's nice, but I still feel like
disappearing into the night.
I thought to myself, "Well that's some shitty ass writing." Shadow, on the contrary, said that it wasn't the time to be so critical.
Perhaps being in the dark is to be in touch with your roots. Imagine being a potato...
As the night progressed, my mind wanted to keep up with the fun activities. My heart has yet to be still. In the midst of their tug-of-war, I wrote some more:
Wanting to be nothing
To be one with the stars
To be one with mankind
To keep going, or,
To start letting go
Lately, decisions are getting heavier
Lately, I'm losing my sense of self
To be lost and wanting to be found
Yet to resist comfort from people that surround
How do you find yourself
Amongst the noise of it all?
I want to run away.
Away from it all.
I'm actually frowning as I read through that piece and try to finish this post... There could be something I could tweak there...
But now that I think of it, drawing and writing without minding anything else feels liberating. Why have we stopped ourselves from putting out creations that seem unsatisfactory on a logical level? Why are we so critical of ourselves?
Why do we stop doing things that comfort our souls and keep us grounded?
If you feel lost in your own darkness, I hope it brings you comfort that it's not there to harm you. Shadow has led me back to what needs to be taken care of. Perhaps you're forgetting something too.
Thanks for stopping by.
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Arc likes to play games on and off the blockchain when she's not lurking around Hive/Wax.
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https://discord.com/channels/709730025649340447/1021924864443027477/1024730691679813632Atomic Habits, and many more there are a lot of yalls in the community that made me start drawing. I wish I could inspire back to others so they can do too.I'm hopeful and looking forward to seeing your work. 💯
PS: Embrace darkness to see the light, we are all half half of each.
!PIZZA
Ayun na nga, sinampal ako ng resibo! Kampon ka rin ba ng kadiliman kasi pinaalala mo sa'kin 'to? HAHAHA.
Sometimes I forget the ripple effect exists. Thank you, Mebs. 'Di ko alam na nakarating ka where you are rn dahil sa mga kalokohan ko.
!PIZZA
HAHAHA, most of the time puro kalokohan lang makikita nyo sakin or mga sinaasabi ko. Mostly na reretain yung bagay na useful and importante, kasi nga ang importante ay mahalaga Haha welcome arc backread mo kaya yon #art channel para makita mo yung napagtripan na pusa lol
naalala ko xp pen mo. bwisit na bwisit tayo mapaandar. HAHAHAHA.
True lol nakakayamot
I feel you! It's difficult not to judge ourselves in the process. Kahit walang external factors involved. It's a me thing hahaha but I hope you let yourself enjoy the process and allow yourself to make mistakes too, especially if you're trying something new.
I laughed while reading the middle part. Naisingit mo pa talaga ang pagiging potato! 🤣
I'd like to see more of your artworks!
Ekis sa mga me things na 'di nagpapaunlad sa buhay natin! Hahahaha. Don't forget to tell yourself to enjoy the process din. ✨
Hoy, what's so funny about the potato? They grow in darkness! HAHAHA
I'll try my best to get more aghrt out~
!PIZZA
lagi siya nandyan.
hello darkness my old friend~ 🎶
Holla if you need kachika.
Di mo sure. Baka minsan mumu. Awoo.
I think someone needs healing... ehem ehem and you're actually in the right direction! Facing our shadows is one way to deal with the overwhelm, why not welcome the darkness and be its friend? Maybe underneath the shadow is a wounded self, who just needs to be accepted first. Release through art and release through words - which you did! I'm so proud of you for sharing this, being vulnerable isn't easy (coming from someone who also has anxiety but chooses to share) 🤗
Medic, please, I'm dying... Hahaha! Befriending darkness wasn't my strong suit until recently. Taking it piece by piece! I would honestly say, though, that this time with vulnerability is getting me impatient... But I want to work with it!
To me, what you scribbled is quite aesthetic. What I learned from wanting to be "perfect" is that, sometimes it's exhausting and limiting. Like @ishwoundedhealer said, being vulnerable isn't easy but from my own experience I can attest that letting some steam off is really rewarding and healing. Anyway, good luck to you!
Mm. Perfection is exhausting and limiting... Feels suffocating!
Thank you, Mac. I need to blow off more steam and I want to make sure I let it out the best way possible. <3
Interesting drawing, it really reminds me of a night on the open sea that I experienced a few years ago. It feels like being a small fish in the vastness of a world where you have no control whatsoever.
Cheers, gabriel. What do you feel about being so small in this vast universe, though? 👀 Will you seek control?
When I think outside the bubble of routine, I am confronted with the fact that the planet looks like a grain of sand in a vast desert. There are so few possibilities for life to take place that it makes little sense to me not to think of a divine hand behind it. Added to this, we are so temporary in the world that in detail, everything seems simple vanity, it is useless to be guided by greed.
Therefore, in the face of the immensity of the universe and the loneliness of our species, I only see motivation to seek a better relationship with others, there is much that we have no control over, to be frustrated by it is vain, to recognize it, to trust in God and live a life worth living, learning, helping and sowing good works, seems to me a reasonable way.
Among the few things that I see controllable, are emotions and even these can be influenced by powerful factors beyond our control, but to a certain extent we can submit them to our will, to measure how to react and act accordingly. That's what I think about the question you mentioned.
I am sorry if my English is not very good, it is not my mother tongue, I rely on translators and what I have learned for these cases.
Thank you! That is a lot of thought into it. Have been thinking a lot about divine entities and higher power these days too.
It's nice to be reminded that control isn't everything.
And no, don't worry about your English! It's good and you're able to get your point across. That's the most important part of communication~
Thanks to you for opening this space with your art, blessings!
That sketch certainly brought your points to life. Is that your sketch? Even more amazing if it is. :)
Yep, it's my sketch! Thanks for stopping by. :)
$PIZZA slices delivered:
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Yay! 🤗
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