I woke up to some disturbing news this morning, something pretty terrible for those concerned and all I could think of was myself and wife Faith.
I won't go into details, but someone very close to me and his wife are having some issues. It seems she's been having a long-term affair with someone else, who is also having an affair with two others and is also married with a couple of kids at the same time. It's a pretty bad situation although, from what I have been told, it's being dealt with in a fairly mature way...For now at least.
Faith and I woke up to the same WhatsApp messages and must have both been thinking the same thing, thank fuck that's not us. But it could be right? I mean, we're human like the rest of the world...Despite the fact that I wish I was from another planet. we are human and are subject to human frailties.
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It made me think about our relationship, of 27 years married and 33 years as a couple, and realise how lucky we are. It hasn't been easy for sure, however here we are, in love and happy...Lucky to have weathered the adversity life tends to throw up and still be together; Friends and lovers also. I think it's pretty special and in this social environment reasonably rare too, at least when compared against the divorce rate and the rate at which people swap partners.
We talked about this latest trouble and both decided that all relationships are balanced precariously on a flimsy swing-bridge held up by a few tenuously-connected cables and a few firmly planted pillars on each bank over what could only be described as troubled waters. Life itself.
All the good stuff happens on that bridge, but lurking below is all the troubles, problems and issues, temptations, hate, hurt and fear that a couple could fall into if their footing on that bridge is not secure.
People often ask me what our secret is but I never have a satisfactory answer. I mean trust, respect, compromise, passion, humour, common-interest (values and ethos), seperate interests, physical attraction, emotional compatibility, ability to grow and develop, to change, forgive, stand ones ground, relent...So many things come into play with a relationship...But who am I to tell someone what the secret is when all I'm really doing with Faith is taking each day at a time? I'm no expert...I'm just as flawed and imperfect as the next person.
But here we are, strong in our relationship and, whilst I get yelled at sometimes because I'm a fucking dumb-ass, we make it all work.
It's been a while since I've written about her. I used to do so a lot more because I'm proud of her and lucky to have her in my life...I guess I figure that you guys don't really give a fuck so I tend not to get too deep into my feelings here...Today though, well I guess, like always, I'm writing this for me...Because I'm grateful to have such a person as Faith in my life and that it's not us going through that situation above.
I'm one of those guys who has changed a lot over my life. I don't mean I was bad and am now good, or vice versa...Just that I have allowed the real me to emerge the older I became and one of the benefits there is that I became more able to say and show how I feel rater than holding it inside. I think that's been an excellent change and has certainly made me able to find greater depth in life.
Today, I told Faith how grateful I was to have her in my life and how fortunate I think we are to be the two individuals we happen to be...Not perfect by any means, but flexible, honest with ourselves and each other, passionate and with an ethos designed around living the best life we can...Together.
One of my hopes is that the people I value and have around me can find similar, including those people above who are going to have to walk through fire to emerge like the Phoenix...Or burn up altogether.
We're all on that swing bridge over troubled waters I think, not just those in relationships, but what counts is what we do up on that bridge and deal with things when it starts to swing precariously with the adversity life will always throw up.
Thanks for reading y'all. Have a great day.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - Tomorrow isn't promised.
Be well
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Often the biggest blow when you hear about these things is the unexpectedness of it all. From the outside you would just never have guessed what was happening behind the scenes and it's all the more surprising when you are close to them. I think for those of us who value our partners, it's the pain that we wouldn't want to cause them that maybe keeps us from looking for temptation.
Yet there are those who are completely comfortable with polygamous relationships and maybe more people are like that than we know, because our society values monogamy. I can't say I understand it, but I guess I shouldn't judge it. I wonder how many would come out as polygamous if we were more open and accepting of it.
Time will tell how it all shakes out...I wasn't actually that surprised to hear about it to be honest, Faith and I both said we saw that coming. It's probably difficult for people to understand that as they don't know the people or the situation and even for us...We're not in that situation meaning we are not them, so who really knows right?
Yeah, that's a great way to wreck your life. I've always found it fascinating that illicit drug use is punished by the law, but infidelity isn't.
An affair is arguably more destructive to the family unit and the broader social fabric; and it's a contract violation.
Casual drug use (many enjoy without becoming addicted) is far less damaging; and its not as if drug users ever voluntarily signed a contract promising to not do drugs.
Yeah it's pretty damaging but so prevalent in society from what I know of it. I don't know, do they think no one will find out or is it the excitement of the whole thing part of the attraction? I don't have the answers and am so glad I'm not in that situation.
I don't know much about drugs but can see your point.
What a thoughtful post.
Relationships are a continuous work. Having someone faithful and that you can grow with is the best you can hope for.
Have a lovely day.
Thank you for your comment, I love gaining a little engagement.
Yes, continuous hard work is certainly one way I'd describe it...But the reward for effort outweighs the effort. I think it's important to remember that nothing can ever be perfect and that even imperfection can be valuable...we have had many imperfect moments that live with us as fond memories.
Anyway, thanks again for reading and commenting.
Life has many temptations and can easily fall of the swing bridge if we are not careful and paying attention to what we should be.
I agree...Sometimes it just happens and is outside of our control, but in the case I mention...Well, it was willful. There's a few people there who have some tough times ahead for sure.
hello my friend. long time ... keep your love for life. You are lucky as long as there is love and common sense. and you set an example for us! thanks for sharing
Thank you, yes I think common sense goes a long way in a relationship and life in general. Thank you for commenting, I appreciate it.
We say everyday that love is a choice and we choose eachother and our kids every day. The selfishness to destroy a family is hard for me to fathom. When you decide to make a family (as long as there is no danger) you see it through to the end. You can just wake up one morning and say “oh we fell out of love and decided it’s best to quit”. Fricken scum! Sorry sensitive topic for me. But you’re right we are human and I cannot speak for anyone else’s experiences of emotions however I promised my wife that I would love her and protect her for the rest of my life and I will do just that. I love my children and her and I will never give up on them.
The blame for the woman having this affair lies squarely on her shoulders...She is the one who chose to do what she has done, behind her husband's back destroying 27 years of marriage. Sure, there was another guy involved but he wasn't in the marriage, she was, and she chose to compromise it.
Sleeping with a life-partner, whilst carrying on an affair with someone else, living another life in fact, is a pretty low thing to do...Weak too. It's an easy option to fill a void within I suppose though, and easier than telling a partner that you want to leave the before the affair happens.
Knowing these two as I do it's going to be interesting to see how it plays out.
Thanks for commenting so personally BB. Have a great day too.
Thats crazy, but seems familiar to me. in our close circle of friends there has been lots of dramas during the past years. we´re together since almost 20 years and some years have been very tough.
you can be so happy that you´ve found the right woman. and not to argue means to have no relationship, so fights are a good thing as long as they do not escalate.
I lose all of our arguments...Either because I'm wrong or because...Well, mostly because I'm wrong. Lol.
Thanks for commenting.
i can only say that this sounds familiar as well. still we´re the lucky ones :)
Wow. I love how you appreciate your wife. Im not married yet and i will love to get married as soon as possible. My Pastor always says to me that women are like fertile grounds, what ever seed you plant on them grows. So plant joy and happy by doing little things that will make them happy and you will reap unimaginable joy. Do the opposite and the magnitude of terror that awaits you cannot be measured. Have a wonderful day
That's an interesting phrase in respect of women that your pastor has spoken of. I wish you all the best in your life endeavours and I hope you find great happiness in your relationship once you find the right one. Thank you for reading and taking the time to comment.
Phew that's messy, reminds me of uni and the "incestuous" little groups that happened within as everyone in the friend group went ouut with everyone else x_x
I'm guessing from your opening line it's one of those classic never saw it coming with these people type scenarios?
Hope stuff works out alright for them and glad it's not us or you as well XD
Well, we knew it was probably going to happen, knowing the woman as we do. It came as a surprise to the guy, who is very close to me, more than a friend. He is devastated. It's all still unfolding, more messages etc. tonight...It's difficult to probably understand for you considering the lack of perspective and information but I don't want to identify the people and so can't say too much. They're not on hive of course but still...Just glad it's not me.
I never went to University as I'm a dumb shit, but I can imagine what it might have been like.
We all find ourselves in precarious situations now and again. Sometimes it works out for the better, but occasionally not. Hopefully the working out part happens more than the not.
Life tends to be a mixture of good and bad I guess right? Having the ability to deal with the bad and enjoy the good is required to find a suitable balance.
Very true.
What a beautiful love story you two share, very nice to write it here, quite inspiring!
Hi Mary, thank you for reading and commenting. We're a pretty close couple and after all these years still actually like each other which is not always the case. There's a difference between tolerating and liking a person.
We have our moments of course but those are few and far between. Mostly we have an enjoyable life together.
Thanks again.
Beautiful! You're welcome, I love reading the stories of genuinely happy couples:)
I'm just lucky she puts up with me. Lol.
😂😂