It's been quite a while since I've made a post to the Hive chain and well, I won't get back into doing any of my blockchain gaming stuff, probably ever. The reason for this is pretty simple, I'm an easily addicted person and as a friend explained to me the other day, I either don't seem to care for stuff at all or go all in on it until I burn out and lose interest again.
This is not only true for gaming and blockchain, though, but more generally for my entire life as an adult. This is something I've never really spoken or written about and I still don't really know myself why I'm starting with it now, even more so in a foreign language and on a blockchain I've really only been known on for my gaming stuff, if at all. The truth is, I've talked a bit on an image board with a random stranger about my (past) alcoholism and for some reason, it felt really liberating and like something I wanted to do more. So I'm not sure where this is going or for how long I might do it, but for now, I'm really motivated to write about my addictions, how they still haunt me sometimes, and how I overcame at least some of them.
I'm 41 years old now and as I mentioned above, I was more or less what you'd consider an alcoholic for the last 20 years. Now I wasn't the kind of person that would totally lose touch with reality, get drunk every day and slowly but inevitably decline more and more until the body and mind can't take it any longer. I was what you'd call a functional alcoholic. I drank a lot and I did it often, but I always managed to keep my shit together just enough so that I'd still lead a pretty decent, normal life filled with friends and all kinds of social activities.
Out of 7 days within a week I would usually get drunk about 2 to 5 nights and so I spent most of my last 20 years either being drunk or being hungover. The truth is, I didn't even think about it, it was just what I was used to. When I'd wake up in the morning, I'd usually feel miserable. But when I went to bed, I'd usually feel great. It was an up and down and I would lie if I'd say that I didn't enjoy it. I still had my career, I had my friends, I was out partying a lot, spending evenings at the beer garden with a friend or what ever. No matter the occasion, though, I always found reasons to drink alcohol. A lot of alcohol.
Things probably still would be the same if it wasn't for that respiratory disease I caught some time early last year. As I often did, I didn't allow my body enough time to really recover from the disease but this time it actually got chronic. Most of these days, my nose was completely closed and I felt a lot of pressure on my head most of the time. Some days it was a bit better, some days it was a lot worse. It actually took me a few weeks to realize what caused these ups and downs. It was my consumption of alcohol. Whenever I had been drinking the day before, my nose and head felt a lot worse the next day. After some more experimentation, I realized that even a single beer would have that effect. So I did something I never really even considered before.
I decided to quit alcohol. Just for a bit obviously, I didn't intend to quit for good at all. Just as long as it would take for me to get rid of that silly disease and get back to my same old life. Oddly enough, though, it simply didn't go away. I've had it the whole summer and way into autumn of 2023. Then, in late September, it completely disappeared within a few days after not having changed at all for months.
The crazy thing was, after that, I didn't feel like drinking alcohol at all because since then, my life had changed dramatically. I'm not sure if anybody that didn't experience it himself can even understand this, but it's crazy how much time you suddenly have if you don't spend your Sunday hungover on the couch. It's crazy how much energy you can have if you get up at 6 in the morning after getting a proper 8 hours of sleep. During that time, and even though I still had that respiratory disease, I had picked up so many new interests, started doing sport, working out even.
It's not only the energy level and time either, though, it's crazy how many negative effects alcohol has on your body that you don't even realize. My skin was looking like shit for as long as I can remember. I've always had issues with pimples and it simply didn't look too good. Within a month or two of quitting alcohol, this had improved dramatically. As had my belly fat. It's not that I lost a ton of weight, I always had a pretty normal weight for my height, but even without me doing much sport in the beginning, my belly fat just started disappearing.
I've also gotten a lot calmer, more focused, and for the first time since I can remember, I was actually able to appreciate things without at least having a little thought in the back of mind about when I would finally be able to have another beer again. I've started traveling a bit, reconnected more with friends again and so much more.
In short, quitting alcohol was pretty much the best decision I've made in my whole life. Now to be clear, I'm not trying to convince anybody to do or change anything. I've enjoyed my time with the drug and I'm not sure I'd to it differently this time around - even if I wanted to. But for me, quitting alcohol was life changing. Or should we say it started a life changing process? Even now, almost 18 months after quitting alcohol, I still feel like this journey only started for me and there's a lot I still need to figure out for myself. Who knows, maybe writing these things down a bit is actually going to help me with this.
There's a lot on my mind and a lot of stories I'd eventually love to tell. For now, I'm really just glad I caught that disease and I'm grateful for the chance it gave me to turn my life around. Today, I'm sober and I'm looking forward to many more sober days yet to come...
Thanks for your open words and the story told. It may be an inspiration for others. I am 42 years old. I do not have issues with alcohol, or without it. My addiction is more internet and games, which cost me sleep. I am fighting it now step by step and hope to make it one day, so I do not have a bad feeling when I go to bed between 10 and 11 pm, when I need to get up at 6am.
Hey, thanks for stopping by.
I know the issue with internet and games especially very well. I've spent way more time in my life on these things than I care to admit. When I quit alcohol, video games were the first thing to fill the void and even up until today, I struggle with getting them out of my live or at least keeping the time spent om them in check.
Your first paragraph could not have resonated with me more, my old friend.
I commend you and your efforts on this journey. It reminds me of a short, sweet song I discovered recently called 'Life's Incredible Again'. It's amazing to think how long we actually perpetuate this state of being on life support, while functioning and maintaining a believable facade. I seem to still be somewhere in the middle of my struggle, with a similar up/down and lack of energy/interest. And I've gone a great long while without posting on Hive. Still nothing all year, but I wanted to change that today.
Thank you so much for taking the time to make this comment, I really appreciate it and I'm happy to hear from you!
Looking back, life sure was easier when I didn't even realize in how bad of a situation I've put myself. But the struggle is worth it and eventually things do get better.
All the best and a lot of strength to you for your own journey!