How to end pain without ending life?

This is not the first time that I have posted with similar content. Do you want to know why? Because I was once a victim of the never ending anxiety that has been pulling me back to square one for years. In fact I once posted a blog about it through Steemit.com - I survived clinical depression!. I want people to realize that mental issue is not something anyone can roll their eyes about saying it’s just in the head or it’s just some sort of a drama. Please know that while you are doubtful about how real it is, there are people that are actually dying because of it. This blog is not actually for the people who don’t believe that depression is real. This is a message for those people who does. So if you think otherwise, I won’t force you to read the whole thing but maybe this could help you too. Since you’re here already, why not stay for a while?

_{This is a self-portrait using a mobile phone.}

Hi there! Yes, this one’s for you!

Uncertainty. Self-pity. Regret. Sleeplessness. What-ifs. Negative thoughts. Inapproriate diet or not eating at all. Neglecting other people. These are the typical expressions of depression that most people have in mind. But it could also be the - over sleeping, procastination, late-night cravings, unhealthy living, or excessive use of mobile phone, and even the smiles that are perfectly masking the depression.

I know that you are tired. I understand that you want to just escape the reality you are living in. Please know that you can be heard. Just please speak it all out. You can be seen. Just please let the people who care look at you. Sometimes, we think others do not care. Well, some really doesn’t but not everyone. There’s always someone or two who will be willing to go through the hardships with you. It could your family, friends, or it could even be just yourself.

Come to think of it. You might have decided to end your life years or months and even days ago. But if you did, you may no longer have the chance to live today. I am not psychiatrist or anyone in that field and I don’t mean to mock anyone in this article. I would just like to share to you what I had clung unto during the darkest times of my life that I think may help YOU as well.

I will be sharing with you my own formula in finding peace. All you need is to be A-L-I-V-E!

Acceptance

You want the job and applied for it. Another person wants it and applied for it as well. You both decided to take the chance knowing only one will be hired. That’s your own choice. The other one is from the person hiring one of you. Let’s say you were hired. Now you got the job. That’s the choice of other people. And so does if you didn’t get the job.

Knowing your circumstances is different from accepting what’s going on in your life. Every destination and situation we land in life is a result of paired choices - your own choice and other people’s choice. Accepting the fact that life is not something we have full-control over might just be the first step that you’ve been waiting for.

Accepting your situation might be quite hard but try to tell yourself that life is made up of many stages. One can’t enjoy reaping the fruit if one didn’t sow the seed. Also if one did sow the seed, till the soil but still wasn’t able to reap the fruit, then maybe you were planting in the wrong soil.

Live in the present

You might be thinking of the past mistakes you did and you still kept blaming yourself about it. You might think about “what ifs” and “what could have beens”. And I know that you are completely aware that poking the same wound will only prolong the healing process. You’ve done more than enough but that’s it. That’s the past. Other people are busy minding their own business and making ends meet so if you feel embarrased about the things of your past, don’t be. Everyone else is just the same. We all have something that we want to have done otherwise.

Stop dwelling in the past and stop imagining too much of what’s yet to come. You may glance at the past once in awhile but do not dwell in it. Let bygones be bygones. Also, stop looking forward so much to the future that you may lose focus on what’s in your present. Present is a gift that you once looked forward to come and will be a past you will take a glimpse of. If life is too much for you to handle at the moment, then just do your best and live for today. Make small goals for the day and take a good rest at night. Baby steps it may seem but it’s better than being stagnant.

Invite friends

Anxiety can make you become lazy and to be honest it had made me become even lazier. That even setting a get-together with my friends was easy but attending to it was hard.

You might lose interest in fun in just a snap of the finger. And you might wonder if they are disappointed about it. Well, yes they are. You can start your own party and invite the ones you are really comfortable with. Have people around. Depression will keep bugging you so if it’s too lonely then invite some friends over. Don’t be bothered by relying on a few people once in awhile. In life, we will always be indebted to each other in so many forms and ways that we can’t even keep track of. And that’s totally okay.

Validate your own emotions

You can have fun and all but at least tell the people who care the real emotions you feel. While you doubt about being heard, others might just be waiting for you to tell them first. Some friends and family are not as nosy as others so telling them what you feel will bridge the gap you have been feeling.

It’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay for adults to cry when we are sad, to sulk when we are disappointed, and to mull over little things. Being an adult can be tiresome. But it does not make you less of an adult if you admit that you are not okay.

Expect to become better

They said not to expect but just to hope because when expectations are not met you might feel shattered. Well, I do agree on that. That is why you need to expect to become better. You know you’ll be disappointed for expectations that aren’t met so you need to take proper measures to avoid disappointments. You don’t need to set big goals in a one-time plan. You need to have it spread all through out a long term plan. You may also set simple goals each week or each month.

Expect that you’ll get over depression and do take actions to achieve it. Depression and anxiety are both real. Praying can help of course but it’s not enough. You must do concrete actions to adress the concern.

Author’s Note

Deciding to escape from the dungeon of depression is easy. We all did that not just once but several times. But what’s hard is to actually escape from it. And sometimes while you think you are making progress, life will crush you back and voila! back at the same cursed place again. The journey towards healing will never be easy and quick. But please know that you are not alone. A lot of people who have been through it wants to reach out to you just like I do now. And your loved ones will really appreciate if you share the burden of your situation with them.

We all want to experience the peace of mind like no other. We all want to lift the heavy and choking feeling up from our hearts. I may not be physically there to tap your back and hug you tight but may my words send a warm feeling in your heart.

_{All photos are owned by me. Please like my Facebook Page, ClickPit Photography}

This has been @nikkabomb saying, "Life's not easy and if it will be I think I would never be this thankful."

Nikka Mededa, the author

I am an engineer, a mother, an aspiring photographer, and also a blogger. Juggling all these may be hard but I quite find it easier when I learned to schedule my tasks. I once dreamt of becoming a teacher and so I get tutorials from time to time which adds to my pocket money. Thanks to my friend in Macao, Malou for sharing with me her sidelines.

I really love to fulfill my childhood dream of becoming an author and so here I am, in my little corner in the blockchain. I hope you had a good read and check out more here ---> @nikkabomb. Lovelots.