I was asked the other day that if I was to write a book, what would it be about and I answered, it would be a love story. Not a romance, nor something that would be turned into a romcom - something where the characters are awkward and the circumstances emotionally painful, where slight changes in conditions fundamentally shift outcomes - something real.
Real for me.
As they say, "write what you know" and I think that I have taken this to heart to high degree, as while I do write a lot of topics, there is always a piece of me in every bite - although it would be quite difficult to tease apart which pieces are real and what are representations of a reality stretched across a fictional substrate.
I am lucky in that I have never taken any kind of creative writing class or Googled "how to write well", so my style is mine, influenced by the way that I think, which is in turn influenced by 40+ years of eclectic experience. I think that if I was to take all the positive and negative days of my life and balance them on a scale, there would be more positive than negative. However, if I was to do the same with how I physically feel each day, the balance would tip heavily into the negative.
I think that it is because in general, I have a positive attitude and see that the future is going to be better than the past, although I spend most of my time thinking about the risks and challenges that stand in the way of a better future. Some people see challenge as something that drives them to act, some people as something uncomfortable to be avoided.
I think these days, a lot of us not only have the will to avoid, but also the means to avoid, as there are a thousand and one distractions we can turn our attention toward. I think that this is why so many people are seemingly negative on love to the point that they have excised it from their desires - to instead fill the void with much shallower relationships for longer. I wonder if at some point, the millennials of today who have been avoiding deep relationships, will wake up as 50 year olds wondering why they are lonely, no matter how many notches there are on their bed.
I haven't read much poetry in my life, but as a kid I picked a book called "The Prophet" by Khalil Gibran, off the shelf of my mother's and read it. It is worth the read. One of the passages that stuck with me is from the chapter "On Love",
When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to
him,
Though the sword hidden among his
pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in
him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.
It is about being open to possibility, even though there is risk involved that may bring pain. It is about facing difficulties, striving and working, despite the potential outcome being complete and utter failure - death.
I think that this is what people are missing in the world today - the willingness to give up everything for love, to be intimately vulnerable to another, to give of themselves, even though there may be nothing in return except pain. But I question, is pain suffering?
Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
_ Lord Tennyson
I would assume that most people reading this know that phrase, even if they don't know who wrote it, as I didn't. But, how many contemplate and investigate it to the point they understand it? The message is the same as the Gibran passage, follow love even though it may end in pain.
I suspect that despite our best attempts, we are hardwired to love, to put ourselves at the mercy of others and, be in the position to be merciful ourselves, or inflict pain - even if it is unintentional. Even now, the majority of songs created are about love in some way, even if the lyrics have become far more crude over time. We seemingly, all need love. Yet, perhaps we are searching for it in the wrong places, in the arms of strangers in the sheets, both real and digital. We "put ourselves out there" on social platforms searching for feedback, attention and the intimacy of having someone care about what we do and who we are, but how out there are we when we are protected from the sword, as we are unattached, there is nothing to lose?
Love may be pure, but we put romance and desire in its place, we limit the limitless by putting conditions on what love is and how we are willing to accept it, to give it. We want love, but we want the protection from loss, we do not want to be wounded by it and when we are, we become a little more calloused, a little more guarded - rather than accepting that even though our dreams were shattered, it was a loving experience to be savored, before moving on with an open heart to the next.
Perhaps it comes down to our protection of our own ego, where the hurt creates fissures in our personality that separate us, fragment us, rather than the pain becoming a binding agent that brings us together, adds mass to our personality and experience that creates us into something larger than we were, denser, deeper, wiser.
So many are searching for quality of life when what they are needing is quality of experience. And, it is the difficult and uncomfortable that brings the most change, that gives us the challenge that we look back and revere, appreciate, understand as defining moments that shape us into who we are today. Yet, if we aren't open to love, we aren't willing to be vulnerable to the experience of each other - what qualities are we missing out on?
There are many logical arguments as to why love is undesirable - until true love is present in life. It can appear in many forms and present in range of ways, but at the heart, it is all the same.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
So you can see how difficult it is to talk about love, which strangely enough I am the first to comment on, when you always have thousands of comments. hahaha. I think you have the makings of a good writer and I'm sure a book written by you would be very well received, especially by your readers here. Maybe I am not the best one to talk about love, because I have only fallen in love twice in my life. And I have enjoyed it a lot! I feel that to love is to be naked in front of a stranger: you expose yourself to anything, from being loved, to being rejected. But like the famous quote: it is better to experience that vertigo, those infinite sensations for another person, than to be dry before the world. Once, a boy who loved me, but that I wanted as a friend, dedicated a poem of Ernesto Cardenal to me that always marked me and that says
When I lost you,
you and I have lost:
Me, because you were
what I loved most.
And you, because I was
the one who loved you the most.
But of the two of us,
you lose more than I do:
because I will be able
love others
as I loved you,
but you will not be loved,
as I loved you.
To love is to expose oneself to not being loved, however one must be grateful to live this feeling. Greetings and thanks, @tarazkp
Not of late -I think the commenting issues have driven people away :D
People seem to fear being rejected, so miss out on being loved.
gratitude is a big part of it - but how can one be grateful for the pain? I think that this is what people ask themselves, without recognizing the gift in it.
Thanks for stopping by, it was getting lonely here :)
I don't think it's driven people away so much as made it near impossible to comment with any sort of confidence.
I can tell you for a fact that I have written dozens of spectacular comments that have been swallowed by the hard fork.
Well, maybe not dozens. At least two "Nice Post" comments.
It is not that it drives people away, but it makes people think about commenting. The lack of "confidence" is an issue.
The other thing is the comment count - which takes away the indication that it might be an interesting post :D
jajaja. ;)Thank you for always bringing interesting and honest topics. Un abrazos
You are welcome. I find it more useful to talk about this stuff, than whatever random drama is on the news each day :)
!ENGAGE 20
ENGAGEtokens.Maybe love and writing functions the same. There is this effortless flow to it. I find that the social game in life kind of puts a strain on actually feeling what we feel. It's almost a form of love-blocking because we are so busy re-enacting kind behavior. (At our best.) I think it's the same thing with writing. We can effort to write or we can just write. These two things feel very different.
This is a good way to illustrate it. so much of what we do these days is just re-enacting - most of it on autopilot. People talk about being present, yet that automation of our processes makes us anything but.
!ENGAGE 20
I think for me, when I am not present, it's because I'm trying to escape some aspect of reality. I started being much more picky with what I take into my world, and it's easier to be present when being surrounded with things and people that I really enjoy. I feel like so much of my energy used to be taken up by "managing" reality. To almost refuse to look at bad relationships and that way enabling them in some way. I took the advice to believe people when they show me who they are or how they feel. I usually have all the clues. I just needed to open my eyes. It's a beautiful world now. Being more authentic took away a lot of cognitive dissonance also. Thank you for thinking back at me. Have a nice day!
There are so many ways to do this now - so many distractions claiming to be important.
My brother (@galenkp) would say, "design your life, don't live by default". The default conditioning at the moment is to be a passive consumer, not an active creator of our reality.
Life is much easier as we remove internal conflicts. Social media generally encourages living the lie, but I hope that it can change to living one's truth instead.
You are most welcome :)
It looks like you are pretty new here too, so welcome to Hive and checkout some of the communities :)
!ENGAGE 20
I think your brother is right. The trick is to figure out what my own design would be. I was thinking about the whole state of the world today while watching the American election debate. And it's like how life is with all these distractions. Many years ago I found myself in a very nice job which had an incredible amount of workplace drama. I was so focused on who did what and what did they mean and confusion. And then my mum said to me (she was a therapist :) ) You know, if they keep on doing that, you will get tired of them and leave. And I realize that she was so smart there. She brought it back to, what is my interest and viewpoint. Not why are they doing what they do, but rather is that environment a right fit for me. I will always remember how she framed things to give perspective. I find it interesting now with the world being thrown back and forth in a way with all these opinions. And sometimes maybe people could just stop and think "what do I care for?"? So I am also into that advice that your brother would say. I'm really thinking about what that really means though so that I can apply it, you know. Do the design. Thank you for the welcome!
ENGAGEtokens.ENGAGEtokens.I haven't either. I have read Steven King's "On Writing" and Strunk and White's "Elements of Style" is dog eared and tattered :)
The Prophet has probably had more impact on my life than any other volume. I have spent much time reading and contemplating it.
I'm not going to go into my love life or life love but will say that I agree with Tennyson completely.
"Nice Post" There is a comment around here that will explain that...
Perhaps I should have read more - but then, would I lose myself in the frameworks?
On Love and On Children were the highlights that stuck to me.
I think this has had an affect on me as a parent.
I think (opinion) those are some of the most profound words ever written.
The fact that they have had an affect on you as a parent says lots of really good things.
There is more truth in art than most give credit. While people think they are informed by looking at charts and numbers, they are moved by the stories they hold.
!ENGAGE 20
ENGAGEtokens.Have you never read a book? :D
Interesting topic you picked, and I'm also impressed you didn't end up writing about hive XD
Thanks for answering to my question! Nice to hear that you would pick love. So cute!