I sent this picture of my daughter to a friend tonight, saying that my daughter is really happy to be out of the house after a week stuck inside. My friend said,
"and of course you took her to a library. Do you ever do anything that's not so good for her?"
Well, she was actually going to a dance class which is held at a local library.
Smallsteps and I play a lot of games together and pretty much, all are done with attention and the intention of developing her skill set. From the day she was born and I held her, I started talking to her constantly about everything we are doing and this hasn't stopped. But more than that, I have actively spoken to her about things she has to guess or imagine, to spend energy thinking about what she can't see or, perhaps hasn't much experience with yet.
We play word games and number games and since before she turned 4 last year, she can add and subtract and has a very broad vocabulary in both Finnish and English. For the last year and a half, we have been playing a guessing game while she eats, where I describe something and she has to guess what it is. Sometimes I will tell her that is is an animal or a plant and give clues, other times she will have to ask questions like size and color to get to the right answer.
In the last couple weeks we have been playing a word game where I ask, what letter does "so and so" start with? - and she will annunciate the word and give the letter. Then I moved onto what it ends with and she will say the word and overemphasis it as I have demoed and give the letter. In the last few days, I have given her simple words and have her make the sounds of each until she spells it out - cat, hot, spot, dog. A couple days ago, we were reading a Dr Seuss book and she looks at one of the words, sounds them out and says the word.
"Daddy! I can read!"
She was very proud of her accomplishment, but for her, none of this is a lesson, none of it is a chore, none of it is forced - It is all just fun and games and she demands more of them and she wants them to be "difficult".
We also play physical games, where she has to chase a balloon that I throw, trying to "trick her" so she can't reach it. Or catch a ball, or create a new trick on the exercise rings we installed in her room. We draw and color-in, build lego or make castles out of wooden blocks.
There are a million things we do - but my friend is right, no, I don't really do anything that is not good for her. What is interesting is that a lot of people seem to think that this is bad, as if my daughter is being mistreated because the games we play are educational in some way. I find this a very strange approach, but perhaps it is an indication of how many people are raised, that learning is work, that it is hard, boring and obligatory. And because this has been the experience for a lot of parents (myself included), we see a "good time" as time where we can spend not learning and we then carry this default and apply it to our children.
This makes the assumption that the good time for us, is the same good time for them. Because we want to spend our time in front of a screen not learning, we sit our kids in front of a screen for their downtime too. However, we are spending a huge amount more time in leisure activities than we did earlier in life, but have a look around, do people seem happier, more energetic? How about yourself? If we aren't actually better for spending our leisure time in front of a screen, why would we imprint the habits into our children?
Well, convenience. It is "easier" to sit kids in front of one screen, so the parents can have time on another, but that state of convenience gets increasingly difficult for all concerned when for example, we need to attend to other activities, like learning new skills. We spend so much time not practicing learning, that when we must, we are unsurprisingly quite poor at it and it becomes a chore, difficult, boring, obligation. And the cycle continues.*
And, since I only have one child to experiment on (I was really hoping for twins), I am taking the approach that long term, a child that is curious about the world and able to seek out and learn new skills will be easier work than one that is a passive consumer and must be forced. I have a single study subject, so the scientific experiment isn't robust, but going on the stories of my friends - we have had a very easy child to raise, allergies and health issues excluded. Very few tantrums when she was little and while she has had a fair bit (in our view) of screen time in the last year, not once has she got upset when it is time to do something else and most of the time, it is her who is putting the lid down on the laptop, wanting to do something active - even though while watching she is super active and uses the screen as more background noise half the time.
The other thing is that being with her is very easy also, as she rarely needs to be entertained, as she is rarely bored in the sense of having nothing to do, because she is able to find something of interest in anything she comes across. She constantly observes the world, talks about what she sees, asks questions and makes up her own games for us to participate in. The "parenting" activities are simple because we don't have to have something, we can make a game out of anything, no matter where we are or what is around us, even if we have to use our imagination as the playing board.
To me, this has nothing to do with being a good parent or not, but it is perhaps more about being an effective parent. If the goal is to raise a child to be able to stand on their own two feet as a well-rounded and largely self-reliant adult, childhood activities have to support the progression. They say, charity begins in the home.
So does competency.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Our daughter thinks my wife is the funniest - but I have the best games.
What a beautiful daughter you have, you must try and show her education at all times, take care of her because later on she will be super intelligent and always with good education that starts at home.
She is a smart one for sure. A couple more years and she will be giving me the lessons.
Education always comes first, it is better to educate them from an early age. But your daughter will be better than you, if she is smart now that she is little, I want to see when she grows up and gives you several lessons haha. Greetings my friend.
Haha great shot, did you intend to halo or did that happen accidentally XD
Also dance class in the actual library or just in the same building o_O
There's reasons that we decided to homeschool ;D
though apparently we've simultaneously managed to do everything that's "bad" for them and still miraculously have kids that are apparently smarter and more mature and think more critically and are able to hold conversations with people of various ages and backgrounds than their peers despite all that, or so I keep getting told by other people
Anyway what you're doing is only ever going to go south if you become one of those people that hyperfocuses on "educational" (or whatever) to the exclusion of all else and actively try to prevent access to the things you consider undesirable (whatever they may be); I've watched that generally end badly with a statistically insignificant number of people, mostly those who were both new parents and new homeschoolers who got way too into an educational philosophy :)
Right she's way too cute I need to leave now x_x lol XD
Totally accidental!
The dance class is in a room there. Unfortunately because of Corona, I haven't even seen the class :(
I think the difference in the "bad" for you guys is that there is a lot of activity, it isn't passive. Most of school is forced to go and sit through stuff that is wholly uninteresting and passive (depending on some conditions). It is hard to get motivated to work, when it is a job.
It is an issue for sure. I know homeschoolers who have done this and have screwed up. I also know homeschoolers who like the idea of home education, but not the work it takes. Again, screwed up. It is probably easier in some ways than many realize, but it also takes attention and intention to do it well.
I have been educated enough that I know I need to unlearn most of it :D
Oh that sucks about not having seen the class :< would you normally be able to watch if not for stupid virus? I guess being a room in the library they wouldn't have glass panels to peek through :S
Pretty much. It also makes it a right pain in the system to try to collect "proof of learning" at the age mine are at because even when you spell it out to them in a way that is nigh on impossible to misinterpret, they just don't see the point and they just don't want to engage in what they see as worthless and unnecessary work when there are many more interesting things to do (I know I like to complain about them gaming and watching random crap all the time but in reality there are also so many documentaries to watch, so many arty crafty things to make, so many thoughts to experiment with, so many head-universes to explore, so many friends to talk to about the most random things... XD)
That's always the first thing I tell prospective new homeschoolers, it's not traipsing through fields of daises XD Then after potentially terrifying them I'm happy to share all the fun stuff.
I like to think that raising my own children was very much like that, and there were three stairsteps. While it might seem like that would be harder, we didn't go through tantrums, although everyone has a bad day, but, rude behavior was talked about and reasoned with. We had educational games or games that werent learning but you learned from them. We did the spelling math, and thinking problems, without being work. I guess that is hard to explain, but, I like what kind of people they are becoming.
I don't feel bad they didn't really like tv and really never had. These kids could make more fun out of a big box than expensive toys.
I am so happy to see your little sunshine shining bright.
I completely understand this! I am so looking forward to when she is a bit older and able to really hold her own in thought and conversation - it is going to be fiery at times.
Oh, yes!!! But, it is very exciting to watch them blossom.
That is a strange question that you were asked. I think life, as a whole, is always and will always be a learning and growing experience. Even the "not good for you" things lend to knowledge and education, so why not try to ensure that growth is positive?
You are doing a great job. Don't listen to that strange comment from your friend.
People seem to like passivity, but want the results of being active. This is why the solution to being over weight is a pill or surgery, not watching diet and exercising.
Then, when do you reckon it's about time to take to @smallsteps to the doctor so he can knock her head with his repairing hammer? :D
She is a kid, she is likely to bang her head hard enough at some point anyway.
I admire the quality (emphasis on quality) of time you spend with her. I think she doesn't seem to see learning as a chore but actually as something fun because of the way you present it. It is a trait that am sure will help her well into her adult years. Speaking of...my, my, she's growing! I wonder how long before she takes full control of her hive account...lol.
looool better luck next time
I like spending time with her, but at times, it is definitely quality over quantity.
She is growing so much - now a little lady with her quirks and personality developing daily.
There will be no next time. :/ No twins study for me...
I feel like is dynamic. I guess with the way you are training your child, she will always want to know and that will increase her IQ as she will ask questions when she doesn't have any idea of what is in front of her.
I think parenting is like investing, if you want a great adult, you need to invest the right time, right habits and right way of life into the child.
Nice post
This is how society should work, not just individual parents. Build a society that raises great adults and the parents will do their job. Make defaults for improvement and innovation, not stagnation.
Play time with kids, at least I always thought, was about teaching and learning.
Okay I do not have kids, but what parent in their right mind would want to do something with there child that is not good for them?
I think the parents who think good things are treats and special. Goodness in my opinion is in the daily activity - A good day isn't doing something unusual, it is doing the normal well and enjoying the process. Every day can be good.
That may be one simple upbringing for a young child, his brain will be able to imagine more. Hopefully he is smart like his father 😁
Btw, he's a cute kid
I hope that there is value in all the fun we have playing these games :D
yes, I think the game will make small children smarter 👍👍
The Japs and the Chinese have it right as they know that the first 6 years of a child's life is the most important. By the sound of this, you are doing everything right and yes, early development is a sure bonus for any child's future.
Both of my daughters participated and became champion "Modern dancers" and I am glad to say that one of my granddaughters is also a star in what they call "Acrobatic dancing"
She is through to the finals this year that will take place during June in Ireland.
Teach a child to achieve instead of dumping a child in front of a box.
I was so lucky to grow up on the streets :)
I think there is a reason that Asian countries top the PISA tests - though I am not sure how valuable much of school is in and of itself. I am hoping that smallsteps is able to think for herself and therefore, choose what she learns with greater sensitivity.
Is travel to Ireland okay?
This is the thing of it - none of this is new - it is just that many parents rely on various gadgets to do the parenting now =)
To me personally, school always seemed like a box that tried to fit all. I could just never get myself to fit into that box :)
Yes, travel to Ireland will be okay, as they live in the UK.
And maybe that's why there's so many problems with the youth today. We work with many kids and at times we find 12 year olds that cannot read or write. In this day and age!
School success favors a particular kind of person, but misses the majority.
Reading and writing are essential skills I reckon there is a value in being able to actually write, not just type too. I might write a weird post on it one day.
Yeah well, so many of us are not those particular persons.
Essential skills indeed. Reading was my main forte and it helped me, not only through school, but also still in my life today. I cannot over emphasize the importance of teaching children to read.
This is great. I hope she has a good life.
I hope all kids do. Unfortunately, it isn't up to me.
You have a beautiful daughter. May she have a healthy and long life.
I hope so too!
Please accept my compliments for the HUGE work you are doing with your daughter. I think the most valuable thing you gave to your daughter is the love of learning something new. Respect again!
The time you spend with your daughter is admirable. I of course love the way you play educational games in exciting ways, neither of you feel bored. I also look forward to holding up conversations with my daughter
Eenie, meanie, miney, mo.
Congratulations, you're the control twin.