Ahhh, yeah, that's intense.
This I get, although it's not been alcohol for me, I know this way of seeing things:
I have issues—twisted points of view like buy four 1/2 pints so they don't see you with a 5th.
I hear where you're coming from with this, the struggle, the distorted perceptions, the continual craving. Do any of us get to live in this world without being shattered in one or several ways? I doubt it.