Growing up is the time of measuring the life from every critical angles and as the years begin to roll on we keep getting better at finding what is laid hidden as the secret meaning.
Yeah,I deeply feel the restlessness, the agony and sorrow to be in such situation you are facing, specially emerging from a family of high institutional status and that clumsy state of attitude often exchanged.But, let me tell you despite living alone and solitude, apart from the depth of cordial touches from dear ones and family members most of the time, one day things would be pretty clear and possibly a solution would be there for you.
The puzzle that seems to you as a complex one will someday be as easy that you could solve it in a blink of eyelids. Just then cast a judgment of my words.
Have a blessed Life. Aameen.
I hope that one day come soon in my life .
BTW thanks for your concern & specious comment.
Allah has the best plan ..