Misfortune makes people humble. That's a lesson I have learned with iron and blood. Just yesterday I was lying on my carpet, gagging, vomiting my guts out while gasping for air and trying to realize what I did wrong so much that I had to find myself in such a situation. Well, even if it seems over dramatized, that's how I cope with grief, nausea, gut wrench and crying like a baby. It all started from a bad trade. Which I tried turning into a good trade. And soon enough I blew through my account completely. Trading like a moron tends to do that. Makes you greedy, focus less and at the end a miserable fool whose life holds no meaning after that one trade. This is the 9th time I believe this had happened. The 8 times before this was pure luck that had brought me back. But this time, Mecca seems too far. On the other hand, somewhere, a guy with a sharper brain is looking at his wallet with his wins right at this moment and not even giving a fuck as it is just another day for him
So I guess that's it for my trading journey. In hopes of earning riches, I am penniless now. I wonder how many years it would take me to earn back what I lost. As for a guy like me, it was an unimaginable amount of money. Money that can change a life. Except it did and then changed it for the worse again.
Now I am roaming around in all directions like a headless chicken. Not being this unsure about life ever before. But it is what it is in the end. You act like a fool, you pay the price. Now I am paying the price.
Throughout my life, I was never that ambitious guy who wanted to do stuff, but I did always want to go for higher studies abroad. My mum hates the idea as I'm the only child out of the rest of the 6 still at home. With me gone, she will become so lonely, and not have anyone else to talk to. Even if we don't talk, she likes me to be present around here. Before her surgery, she would bring me food at odd times just so she can see me eat. That's how i became obese i believe.
After losing all of my breakfast on my carpet, I went to her room, sat beside her and told her how life has changed for the worse now. It took all her strength to put her hand on my head, pat it and say how it all will be well. At that moment, I felt like a toddler again. A child who broke his favorite toy and his mum is there to pick up all the pieces. I wonder what I would do with my life if she is not there with me anymore. Just the thought breaks my psyche so much so that this reality seems crooked and like a dystopia. If the human experience means we have to suffer such losses, then why do we even exist?
I see people around me having the time of their life, which is how it should be tbh. All happy, jolly and enjoying life. When I too am all drugged up in happiness, I forget about all this crookedness. It's just depression, many might say, what i feel right now. But even if it is just a momentary phase in my life, I can see with much clarity how unsure everything is. How we build everything in our life bit by bit only to just leave all of it behind one day. Pin pin korori as the Japanese would like to say. Live long, die short. But if we have to suffer so much just to die one day, then what is the point of all this wonder?
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The storm will come and pass. What it will leave behind is something new.
But we will weather it through, together.
I don't know what I would do without you. probably would have died and became worm food by now.
Well it's a good think I wont be going anywhere anytime soon :))
Stay alive, sunshine!
Dont go anywhere please.
Your mum will be alright, don't worry man. This is very much treatable and I'm sure she will be right there again, bringing you food at odd hours. :)
as for riches, it will return again, like it did once. Hang in there. All is not lost as you seem to think, we are here, you are here, hive is here, there will be opportunities again!
I hope that's how it is bro. I hope. I should've done what you did bro. money management must be learned. No alternative to it. After the 9th time, no alternative to it.
Next time when you build the money again, do it better this time. Best of luck!
I am not good at money management myself, but I guess my conservative movement helped.
You will find a way to get out of this storm, Like you did many times before this. You still have hive, you still have us. Everything will be back to where it was father. Just take care of yourself first.
I have you is the biggest achievement kid. I know ill earn more someday. make good money perhaps. But you guys are the reason I'm breathing.
Just keep on existing father :')) One way or another we will make things work.
I can say nice words which are just bullshit to be honest. The truth is what is gone is just gone. That's it. Either you stuck with it or leave it behind as it was just another bad date. It's up to you and only you.
No matter what life goes on. We all suffer in different way in same situation it's upto you how bad you are gonna punish yourself or be kind to you. Show the kindness to you they way you offer it to others.
No matter what, the truth remains strong whether we like it or not.
I am not gonna say it's okay as it's not but try to be kind on you.
Happiness is always within us we just have to give it a chance to pop up. And believe me that's the toughest job to pull out.
Insecurity about the future tends to take away hope, but I get what you are saying. No point holding on to the past perhaps. I am trying. need to do more i suppose. Thank you for your kind words. It means a lot tbh.
I know a fair bit about you, well enough I'd say, so I know that you don't require my "words of wisdom" and all that. Even you know, that when the time is right the suffering will come to an end, but only to take off again, from another point, somewhere along the line.
It's a damn loop, and all these hurdles along the way are usually not the bad times, these are mostly the good times. The plain straight you see ahead, that's where all the pain and suffering resides, the hurdles and bumps are actually hints and reminders of the good times, as they don't last long, and as we all know some good things never last.
I too agree with well enough. And I do require wisdom man lol. wisdom doesn't come cheap, you can never put a price on it. and I have space for every bit that I can get.
I took your advice and started grinding. Picked up something that I always wanted to do. was always lazy about it. Not any more. no where left but up I suppose.
Up, up and AWAYYY. LET'S GOO 🍻
Everything will be ok vai. Don't lose your hope. Just keep one thing in mind, “ All things happens for good, Creator have better plan than us". May allah help you ❤️
Ameen to that.
This feeling is one of the most pathetic feelings on the planet I believe. Whenever I notice my mom is in serious illness something unusual thoughts like you knock on the door of my psyche, that's why I relate with the emotion. Don't worry too much Bhai. Just pray to the Almighty and believe in him, all troubles will be solved soon. We pray for Aunty as well.
I dont know about soon tbh, but i hope they do go away. i dont like them much. no one does i suppose.
Give yourself one more day, another chance, let the night pass and you will finally find your courage. Don't give up just yet. You got a looooong way to go bhai.
:)) I hope so too young man.
I know you as a strong man And I believe you can deal with any storm. It may take time and patience but you will overcome all obstacles.
I hope so too. I really hope so.
Written beautifully and the last picture shows dystopian art 💕
Thank you for your kind words.