Sacks of rice were stood and lined up on the floor in front of all of us as I hosted my meeting with the tenants in our sala. After going through my agenda, I asked if they have questions or feedback. All were quiet so I greeted them for the upcoming holidays and told them to take one sack of rice each as my giveaway. I was expecting them to stand up, pick their sack and go but no one moved. A few were just smiling. Then someone spoke up.
"Isn't there anything more?"
He meant "just rice?"
I was not expecting the question and what came out of my mouth was "sorry, that is all that was budgeted."
"Well, there are amti anywhere." He replied. That was a quip.
Amti is an indigenous vegetable that just grow anywhere, at least in the Cordilleras where I see many of them.
"Of course, yes! There are amti around. I had several instances of harvesting from my plant pots on the terrace." I replied. It was true. They grow like weeds all over.
The others laughed. The guy continued.
"It would have been better if these come with something for viand."
"Wow, he is pushing with his bullying. The nerve!" I thought. Still, what came out of my mouth was to apologize again.
I have this style that when someone asks for gift from me, it is the more that I do not give anything at all. Gifts are given, not asked. I wished I can do so in that moment.
After they left, I felt frustrated with myself. How come my mind did not work smart at the spun of the moment? First of all, I do not like apologizing for something that is not my fault. I am not obliged to give them Christmas giveaways. Why should I apologize if it is not enough for them? Second, I am avoiding undermining myself with any thought that "I am not enough," "I was not good enough because I provided not enough," or anything of such negativity. I know I am a good person with good intention. Now here comes this human creature who does not have enough and expects others to provide "completely" for him?
I replayed the scenario in my head and thought of what could have been a smarter way to handle it.
So how should one reply to such bullying when people try to take from you more than necessary? Following are what came to mind which I would try to keep in mind for next time. I would love to see other suggestions in the comment section.
"This is exchange of gifts. So, I also get my gift from you?"
"I love what I am giving so I can keep it if you don't like it or if you're not satisfied."
"I actually thought of not giving this at all because I don't have to but I love you so I am sharing what I can."
"Well, you're not invalid so you can certainly put in your share."
The above statements may come in strong so one should be cafeful with the tone. Keep it at cheerful and possibly joking level so you don't give yourself away of letting them know they got into your skin.
Keep im mind: do not let others make you undermine yourself. Keep the good intention up.
Very interesting "life lesson," my friend. As you rightly (IMHO) view say, "what nerve" ...
What it represents to me is a powerful example of what is wrong all over everywhere. That is the mindset of entitlement! "You" (whoever that might be) OWE (whatever I might want) me (anyone with this malignant mindset)!
Here in America (and I suspect there, as it is "universal" ...) that mindset would be particularly prone to "come out" with someone who is represented as "rich" and / or "privileged" and / or ?...? (fill in the blank with anything else that represents not taking any personal responsibility, but being a "victim" ...)
Okay, that is enough out of me. This is the reaction reading your post provokes in me, as it is an insidious and widespread malignant mindset. And, ultimately, very destructive.
As I am sure is the case, rest in peace knowing you did something good. And don't let fools like this ruin your day.
Keep "fighting the good fight!"
And, until "next time," here is wishing you a wonderful celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ!
P.S. In this guy's snippy response, I do not know what the word "viand" means:
Oh, so it's not only here in the Philippines that people have that "you owe me" mindset. It is not a consolation, though. I just hope people get to there senses.
Viand is a dish you pair with rice. We have a Filipino term ulam for that but I guess there is no direct English translation thus the generic viand.
May you and your family have a blessed Christmas and new year! 🎉🌟🎄🌟🎉
Ang ganda sa pakiramdam pag nakapagbigay. Naranasan ko na rin Ang ganitong scenario. I was discouraged and didn't give anything the next year. Hehe
Yap, masarap magbigay. Nakakabanas lang na hinahanapan ka ng iba pa imbes na i-appreciate yong binigay mo. Okay lang naman mang-kantiyaw paminsan-minsan. Pero yong inuulit pa niya na sana ganito at sana ganyan para i-emphasize na kulang yong binigay mo eh mas maganda talaga wag na magbigay.
Hehe... Minsan maganda ang aim pero masasaktan lang.
hi, @macoolette
sorry to bother you.
I have a favor to ask.
I you have some time, could you please check Discord.
I need some help.
maybe you could help in my case.
I would choose the 3rd option:
"I actually thought of not giving this at all because I don't have to but I love you so I am sharing what I can."
It is not about the amount, it is about the intention.
And, in some cases (like a war), for some people, a sack of rice may worth more than gold.
I replied in Discord...
I hope everyone sees every gift that way and not think of always taking more.
Happy holidays!
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Some people are just arseholes.
That guy comes into that category.
The world owes me mindset blah blah blah
What ever you do give will never be enough!
Screw them, you did a great deed!
Hope things are okay, I saw you voted on my post today but have not written for 2 months...
That's definitely right. We really have to keep a positive mind and avoid the negativeness drown us since this is the most important, priceless thing that we could ever give ourselves.