Never felt better physically. To be feeling that way so early, nothing could go wrong that day. Until it did, only minutes later. Saw something, and then my thoughts were distorted and my emotions scrambled. What's happening? I couldn't quite place it, so I chose to be still for a while.
The fact that I was feeling that way as a man even made me more flustered. Mark Manson would call it The Feedback Loop from Hell. I was perplexed, and then I became even more perplexed because of that. And it just kept on perpetuating. Jeez.
So much for such a great day, plummeted, and for what? I had yet again encountered someone that caused me a lot of problems in the past, and I hadn't exactly sorted that out. Not quite. Hours passed, and then everything dissipated, but not the lingering puzzle of what had happened earlier.
Later on, during one of my usual evening walks and time away from the internet and my devices, I began to ponder on my perplexity earlier that day on different levels of self-awareness.
I knew when I felt uncomfortable. That was the first level. It was clear what and who caused that feeling. On the next, I began to question why I felt that way. I realised it had to do with having made the wrong choice of moves repeatedly that put me through an aweful experience. That level helped me be realistic with the fact that I was still angry. But it didn't stop there.
Yet another level, and I found something really interesting. I wasn't angry at the experience, the people that may have caused it, or even the mistakes. I was actually angry at myself—intensly so, and I was always reminded of it at the sight of the reflection. I was haunted by my own sense of failure somewhere in the past. Series of actions that were just wrong and unlike me. That was the real issue.
Damn
Once I unravelled the real problem and embraced true self-awareness, I could finally confront it head-on. I told myself that, while I may have had the worst experience so far, it was also the best. Paradoxical, innit? Because I have learnt far more than I would have without it. So let's say it was an ugly time designed for me.
People generally avoid being fully self-aware. At least I do sometimes. And then it just leads one away from clarity and further into more perplexity. It's something I'm being more intentional about moving forward for more productivity, clarity, and, above all, peace....
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From where I stand, I believe it is hard to be self aware. I mean yes it’s hard but not impossible…
But yeah that was a pretty transformation of emotions. You found the problem and that was a great start.
I wonder where you stand, but I guess the perception of self-awareness is relative
For a second there I thought this wasnt nigerial until I saw the zinc house and crossed wire 🤣
Hmm...okay
Very good observation! But that's often the nicest point to tune in and force yourself (sort of) to become self-aware. This read like a transformation, very gradual exploration of the inward process. I really enjoyed this!
True! I'd sometimes be like, I'm not sure what I'm feeling. Reality... I'm actually just avoiding it. Never did me good. Could always do better.
It’s actually not so hard to be aware of self, it only becomes hard when we don’t get things right, hehe. And the beautiful thing is, it is only in those things we get wrong that we get to shine light on the areas of our being that needs fixing.
”It’s hard to swallow the pills sometimes but it most times take the pains away” -hopestylist
Interesting quote, Hope. There are bad pills, though. And if we constantly choose to be honest with ourselves, self-awareness wouldn't be so hard.
Yeah, there are and that’s why I said most times, hehe.
And yes, if we can be honest to ourselves it will make things easier.
It seems you are well acknowledged about yourself. That's good and I think you can solve most of your problem easily with such a mentality and finding happiness is quite easy for you. Most of the people can't think about the situation like you think.
Well, I'm learning as well. Happiness is subjective, though, but yes, problems are half solved if they are clearly defined.
This image belongs to millycf1976 and was manipulated using Canva.
Thank you
Such experiences that takes you to those things you long to forget. Sometimes I get such reflection of my early business days that brought me losses. Nevertheless, you have to keep thriving, we learn and grow as we in the process try to avoid old mistakes.
One that has helped me cope with failure is accepting and learning from my mistakes, then letting go of what I cannot change.
That's cool, Bipolar. Good for you
Thanks 😊