Last night, as I was trying (and failing) to write, I kept getting distracted by the light and shadows mingling on my wall. That's one of my favorite aspects about this otherwise dark-ass apartment, it's low so that the streetlights create a tapestry of beautiful shadows around the entire house that I get to play around in.
So, seeing as inspiration was not forthcoming, I decided to ditch the writing and take out my camera. Lately, I've been mounting an opposition against the Inner Tyrant, and while it may sound cute, it's not at all easy. It is, as Jung might suggest, a very primal sort of conflict, after all, one between the Animus and my conscious light-of-day persona.
My Inner Tyrant expects to lay order. Is deeply creative, but presumes to mechanize it. There needs to be, in order to fight the rigor, an embracing of chaos. I've been trying to integrate the intuitive, the female aspects of trusting my own inner rhythm with this more overt need to control and lay order down. That means trusting that the chaotic, haphazard rhythm that my soul wants to live in has in it an order, unknown to myself, yet powerful. Meaningful.
It's quite well-known, that creative spirits tend to shun order and often, we're told that the obvious solution to that is to stop faffing about and just do things. Sometimes. Yet I've found, after a certain point, if I try to stick to too rigid an order and schedule, my creativity suffers. I remind myself I'm not meant to write under the whip of line boss. That I must stand up to Inner Tyrant, even if that means stepping out into the blizzard.
I step out.
There's an unevenness in the creative life. (That's not meant to sound pretentious, by the way. It's just what I'm noticing.) In that, seemingly little output requires copious amounts of "faffing about". Of recharge, though not in the spa-day way. More in the replenish your inner well way. You can't write if you run yourself aground.
I've found that for every page I write, a trade-off is necessary. I take thirty minutes to write a good page of words, but I take two or three hours, sometimes even an entire day, to mine the impressions and experiences that inspire it.
I feed myself with the writing of others, with sonatas and light, and music and museum visits, and dance, and random photos, and silly nonsense, and boundless sorrow, and laugh-out-loud moments. An entire canvas of "time wasting" goes into art. We like to think that's wrong, to castigate ourselves for "squandering" precious moments.
Except, with creativity, no time is really wasted, and the more I accept that, the easier my life becomes. I eliminate the guilt of "not doing anything" or indulging myself in some form or another because that, too, is valuable.
It's all valuable. It's all resources.
And valuable above all, the making of art. Even bad art. Perhaps especially. I find that the more time I spent indulging other creative outlets, like photography, drawing, or dance, the more inspired I am to write. The other week, coming home from my dancing workshop, I was scribbling away furiously on the bus in a way I haven't in years. Last night, after taking these photos, I had a fantastic swell of inspiration and set the groundwork for a new story.
The more you make, the more you want to.
It's a fascinating imbalance that gives my creativity a purpose, a rhythm, and I'm learning to walk with it (not against it).
I'm discovering this wonderful fluidity of ideas, of beauty, flowing right past me. Through me. And I'm so grateful for it.
Beautiful! The fifth photo definitely is my favorite. I love dark photographs and especially monochromes. It's so dramatic, poetic, art. Love it!! <3
Thank you! The fifth one is by far my favorite, too! :)
Wowwwwwww. this is really great
Thank you!!
Thanks!
Time that goes to art is never wasted 😊 I love the way you write...
And those photos are stunning! You're a great photographer!
Thank you, that's so nice of you :)
Interesting approach, until now I hadn't considered the artistic aspect in such a houses, I'm all about total darkness or clean light, order and minimalism. Hahahahaha I would definitely get very distracted with shadows around me. Beautiful images, beautiful model.
As for your inner battle, it has given you so much to write about, so in the end your creativity is so broad that even when you think you don't focus on something, you end up creating more in different ways. Reading your writing is very comforting.
Me neither until I moved here :D I love playing with light. Well, it's always very comforting talking to you, querida <3
Yes! Like anything, it's a practice. People think creativity just appears out of nowhere, but it doesn't - you have to feed it, nurture it.
As in, order is masculine? Ah, the problem with binaries!
Hello @honeydue.
Please keep in mind that the #monomad tag is supposed to be used only with black and white photography published in the black and white community. Basically as the entry ticket for our daily challenge with the same name. It's a contest tag, and not a generic one like #sepia #photography #light #art, etc. 🙂
Oh sorry! I did play around with some B&W versions, decided not to use them and must've forgot to change the tags. Will amend now!
Precisely where my thoughts where going since yesterday...:)
I love that way of seeing it. Often I get stressed by myself seeming to have so many interests and "not being able to settle for one". And it's inspiring and relieving, how you put it, it's all these different practices, visits, experiences that fuel "us" or the writing or which ever creative outlet.
So thanks to you for adding another angle to my my thoughts:)