@cryptoniusrex and @a1-shroom-spores are driving down a dusty dirt road between thick rows of pine trees. They were bouncing up and down from the rough uneven patches in the gravel as they drove quickly. The scenery was zooming by in a blur. "We really need to get rid of the Crawdad logo on our Van," says @a1-shroom-spores. "We got some really weird looks from the locals back in town." All of a sudden, the van hit a big hole in the ground. A tackle box flies into @a1-shroom-spores lap. "Fuck!" He yells loudly. "We need to clean up this damned van."
The Van was full of fishing line, tackle boxes, big nets, industrial rope, pullies, floating buoys, several large fish tanks, food wrappers, crushed soda bottles and several orange safety cones.
"Stop the car!" Yells @a1-shroom-spores. Cryptonius slams on the breaks and the car swerves around randomly before coming to a halt in front of a large tree on the side of the road. "Look!" says Shroom, pointing out the side window of the van. There was a small log cabin ten feet from the road built into the side of the hill. A large sign said "Cheap Firewood: Knock on Door." There was no fencing or property line and no grass lawn in front of the Cabin.
Shroom knocks hard on the door of the log cabin.
A man wearing strange animal fir clothing and jean shorts hobbled out of the door. He was leaning on a wooden cane and clutching a Budweiser can in his left hand. He smelled of cheap hand rolled cigarettes and incense. "What do you want," the old man says with an angry frown. He looked over at the van with a Crawdad logo on it. "We are here to buy some firewood," said Shroom firmly. "No you aint!" Says the old man. "You boys have out of state license plates and it's the middle of summer!"
"We are looking for Lake Infinity," Crytonius blurts out.
The old man paused for a moment and thought. "You boys are catching Crawdads?" The old man asked, gesturing to the van. "Theres loads of Crawdads in Lake Infinity." The man coughed and then spit onto the ground. "You boys better clear out before nighttime though. This whole area is haunted. Lots of paranormal activity. People go missing." The man sighed. "Why haven't you gone missing," said Cryptonius with a skeptical tone. "My people have a belief," said the old man gesturing to his log cabin on the side of the hill. " If you go underneath the earth during the nighttime, you will not be harmed by evil spirits." The man turns around and starts to close the door. "Good luck," he yells.
The old man had also given the directions to Lake Infinity. "Drive slowly forward until you see a sideways trail veering left into the tree line." They would have missed the trail on their own for sure. They had to drive slowly now: The van was inches from a rows of trees. They could hear pine needles and branches hitting the outside of the vehicle. "Do me a favor," says Shroom. "Don't get bit by a rattle snake out here or anything. This is the most remote area I've ever seen. Good thing we brought extra gas!" All of a sudden Cryptonius hit the brakes and the van came to a screeching halt. It turns out they almost drove the van right into the lake!
The lake was small. They set up some fishing lines on one side and then started moving rocks around to look for crawdads. "Do you believe that old guy?" Says Cryptonius. He to a step into the water with his leather boots. There was a splash of muddied water. "The drunk superstitious guy?" Says Shroom smiling. "Did you see his cabin? It looked like a gorilla built it." They scooped Crawdads into nets and then plopped them into buckets of water at the edge of the lake. By the time they filled up all their buckets, it was already dark.
They packed everything into the back of the van and then hopped in and put their seatbelts on. "Let's get the fuck out of here," said Shroom. "Hold on." Cryptonius took out the keys and put them into the ignition. He turned the keys, but nothing happened. "Shit!" He turned it over and over and nothing happened. The electronics were completely dead. "We are screwed now," said Cryptonius. He sighed. "We can just sleep in the van tonight," Says Shroom. "In the morning we can try and get it started". Cryptonius looked shocked. "No fucking way am I sleeping here tonight." He shifts his hands around. "We could get eaten by bigfoot, abducted by aliens, raped by wolfman, haunted by ghouls, screeched at by banshees ... Shroom looked impatient. "Okay I get it!" He took out a quarter from his pocket. "Here," he says. "We will flip for it. Heads says we sleep in the van. Tails says we walk a few miles to that crazy guys hut and YOU can ask him to sleep over."
Cryptonius had no hope of course... Shroom always carried a trick quarter with him for just such occasions. So the coin toss invevitably came up heads, dooming the two to a long evening of listening to bigfoot's sweet nothings through the thin walls of the van while the aliens and wolfmen patiently awaited their turn.
Purely by chance, the van they had purchased for the trip had been sold to them by a local that had moved away from the area... The crawdad logo was painted over an ancient charm that helped ward off bad luck, and unbeknownst to Cryptonius and Shroom the roof of the van had been filled with earth. This combined with the hidden charm offered some measure of safety through the harrowing night- as long as they were within the van they were "beneath the earth" as the old man had said.
Neither one of the two got any sleep as they watched the parade of horrors through the windows and windshield. Bigfoot, it seemed, had taken quite a shine to Shroom, and kept walking down his side of the van, grunting and winking lewdly. Cryptonius had other things to worry about. The aliens were attempting to communicate with him with some sort of telepathy.
Come outside under the night sky. We have so much to teach you. We just want to meet you!
The wolfman just howled.
The crawdads in their bucket by the lake were able to make their escape back to the water as their bucket was knocked over by a passing ghoul.
There were still 7 hours until dawn broke...
Cryptonius tries to shake Shroom awake. "Listen ... I don't give a shit if it's wintertime!" Said Shroom with his eyes closed. "I'm not paying $800 for a pound of this crap!" He rolled over in his sleeping bag. "Why wake him up from such a good dream," Cryptonius whispers to himself and chuckles.
Cryptonius opens the van door very slowly and slips his shoes on. "Close the damn door!" Shroom yells in a sleepy tone.
Cryptonius slipped quietly away from the white van. The moon was full and shining down on Lake Infinity. The night was bright. Cryptonius can see all around the pine tree forest. The air is still, but the night was brisk and fresh. And quiet ... too quiet. Cryptonius looks up and saw a satellite slowly traveling across the sky. "What a beautiful night," he whispers to himself. Cryptonius stretched his arms and yawned. "All of a sudden a hypnotic voice in his head whispered "Keep walking forward." Cryptonius started to take a few steps away from the van and the lake.
Cryptonius steps on a large branch on the ground that broke into two pieces with a loud SNAP. He suddenly snaps out of his trance. "Shroom!" He yelled with an upset tone. "Get out here NOW!" Shroom fell out of the Van. He was wearing a tee shirt and boxer shorts. He had one black sock on. "I had the weirdest dream," says Shroom in a tired voice. "I was Obama's drug dealer" Shroom smiled. "He was very strict but the money was great." Shroom started scratching his belly button. "Then Michelle brought me into the broom closet and started ..." Cryptonius interrupts him. "Listen! We need to get the fuck out of here NOW." Shroom looked concerned. "Where are we going?" "The old mans house," said Cryptonius grabbing onto Shroom and dragging him down the road away from the van.
"But" said shroom. "Uuuaahhp, not hearing it" interrupted Cryptonius.
"We're going to the cabin, something's after us" he panted.
They sprinted through the forest until shroom stopped and Cryptonius stopped in turn.
"Wait... What the fuck are you on about?" replied shroom as he wrestled free from Cryptonius' grip.
"I'm talking about whatever the fuck that thing is following us" Said Cryptonius as he pointed.
Shroom turned around to see it, and he couldn't believe his eyes.